


New year, new house.

by herilaveur



Series: Just to love and be loved in return [3]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 63,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28475931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: Continues WTFockdown 2.0 but can be read independently.Sander and Robbe live together in a nice apartment and discover what it's like to live together.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Just to love and be loved in return [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080344
Comments: 355
Kudos: 249





	1. The year starts really well

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to let go of our lovers like that...so happy new year to you!

_January 1st 7:42 a.m._

Robbe doesn't really know how he ended up in this position, but he wouldn't move for anything in the world. He's lying on the sand, right next to the waves, but only his fingers touch the water. He looks at the waves coming up to him and he doesn't even have to turn his head to know that Sander is next to him. 

He has rarely been better. He's totally calm and he doesn't think about anything. Some time ago he would never have thought it possible, his brain was working without ever stopping, making him feel like it was impossible to think of nothing. And yet at this very moment this is exactly what is happening. 

He sees the wave coming before it licks his face and yet he makes no movement to move. The water soaks his face and he hears Sander laughing. Sander leans over him and kisses him all over his face, almost stopping him from breathing. 

"Sander..."

Robbe opens his eyes and utters a cry of surprise when he meets that he's at their house and that it's not his boyfriend who is kissing him.

Sander is lying down next to him and sleeps peacefully while their puppy tries to lick Robbe's cheek again. He raises his hand full of drool and sighs before laughing, taking the little beige pug against him. 

When he knew that he and Sander were really going to live together, he immediately had the idea to give his boyfriend a dog for Christmas. Sander had told him hundreds of times how much he would have liked to have a dog when he was little, but his parents thought it was too much responsibility. Robbe can't really blame Sander's parents. They had 5 childrens, and even if they are teenagers or adults, it's always a big mess when they are all together so he can understand that they didn't want a dog in the middle of this big family. 

But now that they both live in their apartment, it was finally time for Sander to have his Bowie. When Robbe sees how happy Sander is as soon as he takes care of him, he can't regret it, even if he gets woken up by the licks at not even 8 o'clock in the morning. 

A slight meow attracts his attention and Robbe smiles as he catches Iggy before putting him on his belly, right next to the puppy who sniffs him and then goes back to bed.

He never thought Sander would be able to offer him a cat. He doesn't even feel like he said so many times that he would have wanted a cat when he was little. Being an only child, he would have felt less lonely. Now that he has Sander, he never feels lonely anymore, but he is happy to be able to cuddle this cute little tricolor kitten.

"Go to sleep, babies, it's too early."

Robbe closes his eyes and less than five minutes later, he feels the kitten move towards his head. He removes her a first time and then finally he lets her do it and slides his hand through Sander's hair, still asleep. 

They both spent New Year's Eve together and even if an evening with the guys would have been great, just being with Sander and being able to kiss him at the countdown to midnight is enough to make him happy.

When Robbe wakes up, Sander looks at him, caressing the puppy still asleep on his belly, while Iggy sleeps on his pillow.

"I thought you didn't want them to sleep in our bed?"

Robbe looks at the empty dog basket next to the bed and shrugs his shoulders. Sander takes a huge smile and bends over to kiss him.

"I love you so much. I can't wait to spend this year with you. I've already found my good resolution."

Robbe raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah?"

Sander nods with a huge smile and kisses Robbe tenderly. 

"Going to sleep and waking up next to the one I love. Every day."

Robbe laughs, running a hand through his boyfriend's hair.

"I love you too, babe."

Sander takes a big fucking smile and Robbe rolls his eyes knowing already what he's going to say to ruin this sweet moment.

"I was talking about Bowie. You agree with me, Bowie?"

Robbe hits him on the arm, pouting and Sander laughs before coming to sit on his thighs.

"You're so cute when you make that face."

Robbe frowns, trying to look upset but he knows he won't last long.

"Are you talking to me or your new lover?"

Sander delicately takes the sleeping puppy and puts him in his basket next to the bed before bending over to kiss Robbe.

"You will always be my new lover. The only one. The last one."

Robbe smiles as he pulls Sander towards him to keep his lips on his own.

"I love you."

Robbe strokes Sander's back while kissing him and only one thought comes into his head: ''The year starts really well !''


	2. We're not serious right now.

_Friday, January 1st - 1:36 pm_

''You know We have to wash the dishes? The sink is overflowing."

"I know."

''You know we should make lunch? We're not serious right now.''

Sander gently caresses Robbe's arm while giggling.

"I know."

Robbe giggles in turn and lies down a little more so that his back is perfectly aligned against Sander's chest.

"It's getting cold, isn't it?" asks Sander gently, kissing him on the temple.

Robbe shrugs his shoulders in response. He doesn't want to get out of there at all. Sander moves his leg and turns the water tap with his foot. The hot water warms up all the water in the bath and Robbe closes his eyes.

''Perfect''. says Sander, kissing his hair ''I never want to get out of this bathtub again.''

Robbe turns around, as gently as he can, but he creates a wave and the water flows over the bathtub, all the way down to the floor.

''Shit. Sander, there is too much water now.''

Sander shrugs his shoulders and gently pulls Robbe to come up to him so he can kiss him.

"No, that's perfect."

Robbe runs his hand through Sander's wet hair while kissing him and smiles in the kiss when he feels Sander harden under him. They made love at midnight to celebrate the new year, this morning when they woke up and just before that bath, which was supposed to be a shower that they were supposed to take before doing the dishes, preparing food and cleaning their apartment a little bit and which Sander turned into a bath in which they had both been lounging for an hour.

''You are perfect, Sander.''

Sander rolls his eyes, pushing wet hair away from Robbe's forehead.

''I hope you're just saying that to be nice because if you mean it, I'll have to worry.''

Robbe takes a huge smile and rubs his nose against Sander's nose.

''You are perfect for me.''

Sander smiles before straightening up slightly so he can catch Robbe's lips with his own, causing a new wave to crash on the bathroom floor.

''Sander...''

Sander tickles him and Robbe, surprised, moves a big blow, putting even more water on the floor.

''Oh Robbe...''

Robbe bursts out laughing at the same time as Sander and he sits down in front of Sander, putting his legs on either side of his boyfriend's as best he can.

"Hey, you're too far away from me now!"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"That way no more wandering hands."

Sander sits down a bit more with a sigh.

''You like my walking hands. And you can't escape me anyway."

Robbe smells Sander's foot on his cock and immediately jumps.

''Oh no, not the feet. That's disgusting."

Sander laughs, folding his feet under him to come up against Robbe. He plunges his head underwater and sucks him before coming out to breathe. Sander does it twice more, making Robbe's cock harden in the process before he comes to kiss it and laughs.

''Too bad for me, you don't know how to hold your breath underwater.''

Robbe rolls his eyes while hitting him on the shoulder.

''You're so boring.''

Sander slides his hand between them to caress him, and with the water it's really good because his hand slides really easily.

''Sander, that's...''

Robbe closes his eyes, not even finishing his sentence because Sander gently bites his neck, causing shivers all over his body. There are times when Robbe wonders how Sander can do so much with a simple hand job, then he opens his eyes and sees Sander biting his upper lip as he looks at him, his hair dripping, giving Robbe the impression that he's in a dream.

Sander let his cock go and sits on Robbe's lap, trying to put his legs next to Robbe's, but it's difficult because the bathtub isn't that big. He throws his head back and Robbe is sure that he fingers himself so that Robbe can get inside him. Robbe slides his hand up to Sander's buttocks, sliding his fingers with to Sander's, causing more intense moaning.

Sander removes his hand, tries to fit as well as possible and slowly goes down on Robbe's cock while kissing him.

''So good.''

Robbe grunts back, holding back from pushing his hips to go further. Sander bites Robbe's lower lip before kissing him. He makes a few slow back and forth movements before Robbe stops resisting and moves along with him, causing a tsunami in the bathtub and some really annoying noises when the water goes into Sander's ass at the same time as him.

They both start laughing so much that Robbe comes out of Sander. They look at each other smiling and Robbe stands up, pulling Sander to him, turning him over in the process, pressing his back, exposing his perfect ass. Robbe embraces him with his whole body, his dick finding the way without the need to guide it, leading to Sander's satisfied moaning, who digs his back in a way Robbe cannot imitate.

''Oh, yes, Robin.''

Robbe grabs his hands, intertwining their fingers, kissing his upper back and his neck.

"I love you so much."

Sander grunts in response and Robbe withdraws completely so that he can put his right foot on the edge of the bathtub to get a different angle, except that at the same time Sander moves and hit Robbe's left foot.

Is it because Robbe has long thin legs, because they put too much soap in the bath water to make a lot of lather, or just because he was surprised, but the next moment Robbe is on the bathroom floor with a great pain in his head and Sander starts to scream.

''Damn Robbe, you're bleeding.''


	3. Did you do that, Sander?

Friday, January 1st, 3:34 pm

_To Sander 3:34 pm_

_Please, baby, tell me you're okay._

_Sander 3:35 pm_

_How do you want me to be okay?_  
_I feel so bad._

_To Sander 3:36 pm_

_You know I'm clumsy._  
_I've had worse._

_Sander 3:37 pm_

_How far along are you?_

_To Sander 3:38 pm_

_The doctor will be here soon._

_Sander 3:38 pm_

_Is it still bleeding?_

_To Sander 3:38 pm_

_Don't worry, I'm fine._

_Sander 3:39 pm_

_Okay...that means yes._  
_Don't protect me!_

_To Sander 3:40 pm_

_A little yes, but less._  
_I promise you it's fine!_  
_The doctor is coming._

Robbe puts his phone in his pocket and smiles at the doctor, while still holding the compress on the back of his head.

''Hi Robbe. Still no dizziness?"

''No, I'm fine. It just won't stop bleeding."

The doctor lifts the compress but doesn't let anything show on his face, and frankly Robbe would like to see what's going on in the back of his head so it'll bleed so much.

''Is it that bad?''

The doctor shrugs his shoulders as he changes the blood-filled compress.

''It could be worse. Three stitches and you'll be fine. It's deeper than it is wide."

Robbe nods and watches the doctor prepare the suture tray.

''I read in your file that you've already had stitches.''

Robbe nods with a smile.

"Yes, don't worry, I'm used to it."

The doctor frowns and sits on the bed next to Robbe.

''That's what worries me. I heard that you said when you arrived you fell in your kitchen, but to the nurse you said you bumped into the foot of your bed. So when I look at your medical records and see that you've already had your arm plastered three times and at least ten stitches, I can't help but wonder what's going on in your life. You don't have to be afraid, you know, you can tell us everything''.

Robbe bursts out laughing then puts his hand in front of his mouth to calm down.

''I'm sorry. I don't even live with my parents anymore. I know that's your job, but I'm not beaten. My parents have never laid a hand on me. I was just a clumsy kid who was really into skateboarding. All my accidents were the result of falls, but it was worth it, I'm pretty good at skateboarding now."

The doctor nods and gets up to poking around on Robbe's head, making him wince when he touches his wound. He grabs a needle and starts pricking in several places to numb the area before stitching him up.

"So you want me to believe you did that on a skateboard after all?"

Robbe sighs, rubbing his hands together.

''No. I was having sex with my boyfriend in our bathtub and I lost my balance. I fell and smashed my head on the corner of the sink."

The doctor immediately takes his hands off his head and Robbe wonders if he's shocked or disgusted, but when he looks at the doctor's smile, which is obviously trying to hold back his laughter, it makes him smile.

''Yeah, I'm clumsy, I told you. I'm sorry I lied, I didn't feel like telling the nurses."

The doctor nods and comes back to him with the needle and thread.

"One day I saw a patient who broke the back of his head and his arm when he fell out of bed in the middle of sex. Don't worry, it happens to others too."

Robbe nods, cheeks totally scarlet and pulls out his phone.

"Your boyfriend is okay?"

Robbe sighs as he looks at Sander's worried messages.

''Yeah. He blames himself. He thinks he made me fall down and then because we put water all over the bathroom, the blood spilled super fast, it was like a horror movie. It sucks that he can't be there with me."

The doctor nods and steps back.

"Four stitches. I'm done, Robbe, you're gonna have to go home. Since you're a minor, I'll have to call one of your parents."

Robbe pouting, begging the doctor with his eyes.

''I've been living with my boyfriend for five days. I don't want them to worry."

The doctor puts his hand on his shoulder.

''Sorry, I have to.''

Robbe doesn't want the doctor to call his mother because she would worry, and he doesn't want him to call his father and think that moving in was a bad idea.

''Can I call them myself?''

The doctor nods and puts away his suture kit.

''Okay, but I want to talk to them.''

Robbe pulls out his phone and quickly changes the contact name before calling.

''Hi dad? I'm at the hospital because I fell down and needed stitches. The doctor wants to talk to you, okay dad?"

''Uh... yeah, sure.''

Robbe sighs, relieved and hands the phone to the doctor.

"Mr. Ijzermans? I'm sorry to disturb you, but as Robbe is a minor, we cannot let him leave without warning. He has four stitches in his head because of his fall. You would have to come and pick him up and make sure he doesn't get dizzy or vomit in the next few hours. No, you are not allowed to come to the emergency room but you can come and pick him up at the exit. I think within ten minutes. All right, fine."

The doctor gives him his phone back but the communication is already over.

''Your father is going to come and get you, he seems nice.''

Robbe smiles as he puts his phone away.

'''Yeah, he's great.''

Robbe thanks the Covid for banning escorts inside the hospital. Thanks to this, the doctor doesn't see that the one waiting for Robbe in his car is not his father.

"You didn't have to come and get me, you know."

Milan rolls his eyes and even with his rainbow mask on, Robbe knows he's smiling.

''Of course I had to come. What happened?''

Robbe readjusts his mask and looks out the window, not putting his head against the headrest because the anesthesia is starting to wear off.

''I fell on a skateboard.''

Milan nods and Robbe smiles under his mask. A smile of relief at not having to tell Milan what really happened because he would hear about it for years.

''Do you want to come in for a drink?''

Milan nods, turning off the car engine.

''And see where you live? Of course. A coffee sounds nice. And find out why you didn't call your parents too.''

Robbe gets out of the car and waits for Milan to join him to open the door of the building.

''I don't want them to worry. We've been living together for less than a week and I end up in the emergency room. I was afraid that they would think it was a bad idea to let us live together.''

Milan frowns as Robbe concentrates on opening the door to their apartment.

''If you fell on a skateboard, what does that have to do with you moving out?''

Robbe sighs and opens the door. As soon as he enters, Sander huddles up against him, giving him just enough time to take off his mask.

''I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.''

Robbe immediately looks up at Milan who enters and closes the door behind him.

''It wasn't your fault, Sander.''

''I hit you.''

Milan gives the impression that he's changing color and Robbe shakes his head and pulls Sander.   
to him.

''What the hell?''

''It's not what you think at all. His foot hit mine. We were making love in the bathtub and I lost my balance."

Sander stands up and turns around, moaning when he sees Milan.

''Shit. Sorry. What are you doing here?"

Milan sits down at the kitchen table and takes off his mask.

''Robbe needed a fake father to pick him up from the hospital. I've come for coffee. And maybe talk with you about safe sex, right?

Robbe shows him his middle finger and kisses Sander's temple.

''I'm clumsy, babe. I just got four more stitches, that's all. I didn't want my parents to find out, so I called Milan.''

''I'm happy to be your surrogate father, by the way!''

Robbe rolls his eyes, heading into the kitchen to make three coffees.

''Did you do all the dishes? You didn't have to."

Sander huddles behind him, resting his head on his shoulder.

''I didn't know what else to do. I imagined you on the hospital bed, alone, because of me."

Robbe turns around and hugs him.

''First of all, it wasn't your fault. And then I had to tell the doctor what happened and he really had to stop laughing. It was pretty funny. Honestly, it was funny, babe. Milan, you want to see the rest of our castle?"

Milan nods and gets up, to come see the main room. Robbe kisses Sander's temple and gently caresses his shoulder when he realizes that he has cleaned up the mess that had been lying around for days. Bowie rushes running over them and Robbe bends down to take him in his arms, laughing at Milan's tender face.

''Oh he's so cute! I can't believe it, you have a dog?"

Robbe nods, caressing the puppy.

''Yes, it's Bowie. And we have a kitten that must be hiding somewhere too. Santa Claus's been really nice to us this year."

Milan enters the room, and stops in front of the wall painted by Sander and his friends.

''Did you do that, Sander?''

Sander nods and smiles.

''Yeah, with friends.''

"That's beautiful."

Robbe looks at the wall next to their bed. Sander has drawn a huge trompe l'oeil, giving the impression that there is a bay window and a window on that wall, overlooking a beautiful beach. 

''Wait, it gets better.''

Robbe turns off the light and as it is almost dark outside, the wall lights up. There are hundreds of stars shining in the sky above the sea, and a trickle of light illuminates the sand.

''Damn, this is incredible.''

Sander shakes his head as he snuggles up against Robbe.

''It's just phosphorescent paint.''

Robbe kisses her and shakes his head.

"It's a beautiful moonlight."

Sander smiles as he puts his head on Robbe's shoulder.

"I saw a prettier one than that, once."

Robbe turns on the light and looks at Milan smiling as he looks at them.  
  
''I really missed you guys. Now come have a coffee and let's talk about your misadventures. Avoid putting yourself in positions where ''

"We don't talk about that!" Robbe cut him off as he went to serve three coffees, "Shut up, Milan! We don't talk about that. It was an accident, it happens. We'll do better next time."

Robbe catches the look that Sander sends him and he looks up to the sky because he knows very well that he's telling him that there will never be a next time.

''Let's talk about Zoe and Senne.'' Robbe says giving his cup to Milan ''how is life with them?''


	4. It's nothing, my love.

_Sunday, January 3, 9:54 pm_

''Stop baby, I don't want tonight.''

Robbe takes his hand off Sander's lower belly and sighs as he lies down on his pillow.

''Why don't you want me anymore? My head doesn't even hurt anymore."

Sander mumbles something absolutely inaudible and Robbe sighs as he turns to the side to give him a hug.

''I swear I'm fine. Stop thinking about it, Sander. Please."

Sander sighs and turns to the side.

''I'm just tired. Good night, baby."

Robbe lies down on his back, hands under his head and sighs.

"Good night. Meet me in my dreams."

Robbe closes his eyes, hesitating between pushing Sander to talk to him and giving him the time he needs to digest this unfortunate accident. He didn't say anything yesterday when Sander refused to let him get up on a chair to grab a bowl from the cupboard. He didn't say anything about Sander stopping him this morning when he was going to get some croissants on his bike, and he didn't contradict him when Sander said it was too dangerous if he fell down again, but now it's getting too much.

"I said no, Robbe."

Robbe opens his eyes and looks at Sander frowning.

''I didn't do anything. I had understood."

Sander sighs, wiggling slightly beside him.

''You just licked my back.''

Robbe lifts the blanket between them but sees nothing except Sander's back which he kisses.

''No, but I could.''

Sander sighs and Robbe steps back.

''Sorry. Forget it. Good night.''

Robbe lies down, closing his eyes, trying not to think about his rock-hard cock just waiting to be touched. Sander has been pushing him away since Friday night and even though he understands that it's related to his fall, Robbe doesn't really understand why he's deprived of sex.

Sander moves next to him and the next moment he licks his inner thigh. Robbe doesn't even dare to move, wondering what made Sander change his mind so quickly, but the tongue licks the bottom of his cock and Robbe spreads his arms, moaning.

''Fuck, Sander, I''

His right arm touches Sander's head , just next to him, and Robbe starts screaming as he jumps out of bed. He falls, his ass on the floor, and bursts out laughing when Sander turns on the light and they find Bowie under the blankets.

"Your dog licked my balls."

Sander bursts out laughing as he takes the puppy in his arms before reaching out to help Robbe get back on the bed.

"You didn't lick my back, then?"

Robbe rolls his eyes as he wraps himself in part of the comforter.

"Since when do I lick your back?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and then takes a small smile.

"You could ?"

They both start laughing, the puppy running in cercle on the bed.

''I don't even know why I said that. I'm sorry, I just wanted you."

Sander looks down at Robbe's crotch and smiles.

''Even Bowie felt you were in need. Sorry.''

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and takes Sander's hands in his.

''I just want to know why my boyfriend pushes me away.''

Sander lowers his head and gently caresses Robbe's hair.

''I was so scared. I thought I had killed you. Imagine if you had had any after-effects or worse, if''

''Eh...stop, I'm fine. I'm not going to break because you're going to make love to me. I swear I'm fine. I swear that one day we'll both laugh about it."

Sander shakes his head, his pretty face becoming totally serious again.

''I saw you lying in your own blood, it will never be funny.''

Robbe nods and caresses Bowie.

"And our dog licking my balls, it's funny or disgusting?

Sander smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. Both."

Sander takes the puppy and puts him on the floor before he comes and hugs Robbe.

''Sorry for being aloof. I just haven't really been well since then. As soon as I close my eyes, I see you lying in that pool of blood."

Robbe kisses him gently, caressing his cheek and holds him tight.

''It was amplified because we had put water all over the floor. I'm fine, my love. I'm not leaving, I promise. I'm right here."

Sander bursts into tears and Robbe pull him in his arms, rocking him gently.

''I thought you were going to die.''

Robbe shakes his head, caressing Sander's cheek with his nose.

''I didn't think about it for a second, babe. You won't get rid of me that easily and''

Robbe jumps because it has just been licked in the lower back.

''Damn, this dog is obsessed. He's licking my ass."

Sander bursts out laughing as he dries his tears and takes the puppy in his arms. He gets up and grabs Bowie's basket and takes it into the kitchen.

''Sorry Bowie, I'm the only one who's allowed to lick Robbe like that.''

Sander closes the door, wishing Bowie a good night before coming to lie down in Robbe's arms.

"Stop exciting him with your naked body."

Robbe rolls his eyes smiling.

''I was trying to excite you, you idiot.''

Sander smiles and kisses him tenderly, sliding his hand from Robbe's torso to his hips.

''If you're not well, we can just sleep.''

Sander shakes his head and gets rid of his own boxer before moving his dick against Robbe's dick. 

''Just don't fall out of bed, okay?''

Robbe smiles and kisses him tenderly.

"Promise."

Robbe doesn't fall off the bed, but he bumps his head against the head of the bed and as he rubs the back of his head, he sees all the worry coming back in the eyes of the one he loves.

''It's okay, babe. Come on, don't stop.''

Sander stops moving, so Robbe wants to try to turn them over, but he just manages to knock his head again. Twice.

''Are you doing that on purpose or what? Since when are you so clumsy?''

Robbe sighs, pulling Sander towards him to kiss him.

''Since you've been watching my every move. Please move."

Sander gently puts his hands under Robbe's head, moving gently inside him.

''I'll wrap you in bubble wrap, Robbe Ijzermans.''

Robbe shakes his head while smiling.

"Just make love to me, I'll be fine."

Sander chuckles, kissing his neck tenderly.

"I wish nothing would ever happen to you again."

Robbe caresses his back up and down, rising to kiss his ear.

''I know you'll be there no matter what happens to me, it's even better.''

Sander hugs him gently and makes love to him tenderly until they fall asleep exhausted but satisfied in each other's arms.

And if Robbe gets up in the night to open the door for Bowie, who is sniffing behind the door, making him promise never to lick him like that again, Sander doesn't even notice. Robbe goes back to bed and notices the bloodstain on his pillow, grimacing as he touches his wound.

''Damn it.''

Sander grunts halfway, almost opening his eyes and Robbe gently caresses his arm.

''It's nothing, my love, go back to sleep. I love you."

Sander moves and falls asleep again while Robbe hugs him.

''Everything will be okay, babe.''

Robbe waits for Sander to go back to sleep before getting up and going to the bathroom, trying to see why he's bleeding again.


	5. It's ugly, Robbe.

_Monday, January 4, 11:10 a.m._

Robbe really regrets not having face-to-face classes today because it would be so much easier. He closes his computer and takes Iggy who had fallen asleep on his lap and puts him on the couch. He gets up, puts on a sweater and takes the prescription left by the hospital to have his stitches removed. He doesn't even know if he really needs them because he was supposed to have them removed only after 10 days and considering what he saw last night, apparently at least one stitch has already disappeared.

Luckily the nurse he had on the phone this morning sounded really nice and offered to come and take a look. The problem is that he can't ask Sander to tell him what's going on, already because Sander will be able to faint, and especially because he would blame himself even more, and it's clear that he would never want to make love with him again.

Robbe slips into the kitchen, smiles because Sander is taking his class, Bowie lying at his feet. He puts on his shoes and grabs his coat as quietly as possible before opening the front door.

"Where are you going?"

Robbe jumps and immediately blames himself for having jumped, because it really looks like he's about to do something wrong. And Sander looking at him frowning doesn't help him not look weird at all.

"I'm going to get some bread."

Sander shows him the kitchen and Robbe calls himself an idiot on the inside.

''We still have a lot of yesterday's.'' Sander points out.

Robbe could pretend to walk their dog, but the dog is asleep and anyway he would not be allowed in the nurse's office and there is no way he would leave him outside.

''It's for my mother.'' Robbe stutters ''She asked me to bring her some bread.''

Sander frowns then smiles.

''Okay. You are really too nice. But don't you have class?''

Robbe shakes his head on the way out.

''No, it's over. See you later."

Robbe walks as quickly as possible to the nursing office, not wanting to be late. He hates lying. And even more so lying to Sander. But if he tells him that he bled last night, he will really wrap it in bubble wrap.

He doesn't even have to sit in the waiting room when the nurse signals him to come.

''It's ugly, Robbe.''

Robbe shrugs his shoulders.

''It's hidden by my hair anyway. Can it close like this?"

The nurse shakes her head and Robbe immediately loses his smile.

''No, there's more than one point that makes sense. It's going to bleed at the slightest shock. You have to go get this sewn up."

Robbe sighs, looks at the time and sighs even more.

''Can't you do it? I don't want to go to the hospital just for this.''

The nurse shakes her head but nods to him not to move.

''I'm going to see if the doctor can do it for you.''

The nurse disappears into the hallway and Robbe sighs as he pulls out his phone. It's 11:35 a.m. Sander will soon start to worry that he won't come back. Robbe could say he wanted to go for a walk but it's raining outside. Anyway, he will still be able to say that he stayed to talk with his mother and aunt.

"Okay Robbe, the doctor at the office can sew you up, you just have to wait a little while. He's on his way."

11h40…11h45…12h00…12h10…

Robbe watches the time go by and his stress increases more and more.

_To Sander 12h12_

_My mother wants me to stay for eat._  
_Is that okay?_

The message is read, but Robbe doesn't get an answer, and his stress increases.

_Sander 12h17_

_Kiss your mother for me._

Robbe doesn't have time to answer that the doctor is entering the room.

''Robbe, is that it?''

Robbe nods with a smile.

''You nicked your head 3 days ago and already blew out the stitches?''

Robbe nods again but without smiling this time.

''Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. It didn't hurt anymore, I didn't think it could open again. I'd be more careful."

The doctor examines the wound and, frankly, Robbe feels like a monkey that everyone is looking for fleas.

''Okay. You did well to come right away. I'm going to fix it."

Robbe comes out of the office twenty minutes later, with four brand new stitches and the promise to be careful this time, but also a slight headache that is starting to appear, probably due to being triturated.

When he walks through the door of their apartment, it's almost one o'clock and Sander is on his computer. He looks so concentrated that it makes him even cuter, so Robbe quietly slips up to him and kisses him gently on the cheek.

''Is that to take away your guilt?''

Robbe steps back immediately, surprised and Sander stands up to face him.

''I don't like it when you make fun of me, Robbe. We've been living together for a week and you're already lying to me?"

Robbe frowns and Sander sighs as he takes out his phone.

_Nathalie 11h28_

_I found a case with big black pencils._  
_They look like charcoal pencils._

_Sander 11h30_

_Oh great._  
_I was afraid I'd lost them._  
_Can you give them to Robbe, please?_

_Nathalie 11:32 a.m._

_I don't know when I'll see him._  
_I'll drop it off at your place in the afternoon, it's easier._  
_Kiss Robbe for me._

Robbe literally decomposes. It's the first time he lies to Sander and the truth has caught up with him in not even an hour.

"Sander, I"

Sander pushes him back to be able to go to the big room.

''I don't even know if I want to hear what you have to say, Robbe. If I hadn't burned you, would you have told me you weren't at your mother's?''

Robbe shakes his head and sighs.

"No, but..."

''So that's it now? We're lying to each other? I thought we were above that, Robbe.''

Robbe takes Sander's hands in his, hoping to calm him down a bit.

''I'm sorry, I just didn't want to worry you, that's all.''

Sander rips his hands from Robbe's and rolls his eyes.

''You are right. Why should I worry about you leaving and lying to me openly. If life together is too hard for you, say it, Robbe, but don't do this to me."

Robbe frowns and blocks the way to prevent Sander from going back into the kitchen.

"Wait, what do you think I was doing there?"

Sander tries to push him. He could easily do that if he wanted to, but he gives up and turns around with a sigh.

''I don't know. What do you think I'm imagining?"

Robbe immediately hugs Sander's back, squeezing him as tight as he can.

''I'm not cheating on you, Sander. How the fuck can you imagine that?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and lowers his head.

''I wouldn't have imagined that you could lie to me, but you see, everything happens.''

Robbe turns him over and puts his forehead against his.

''I'm really sorry. My stitches blew last night and I had to go to the nursing office to get sutured. I didn't want to worry you."

Sander looks at their bed with his eyes wide open and then pushes Robbe away.

''Is that why you changed your pillowcase? You told me Iggy peed on it. Fuck, Robbe, stop lying to me. Why didn't you tell me it was wrong?"

Robbe sighs, gently taking his hand.

"I didn't want to worry you."

Sander sighs and sits on the end of their bed, looking defeated.

''If you don't see me as your equal, it won't work, Robbe. You can't hide the truth from me to protect me. I'm bipolar, but''

"You're overprotective!" Robbe shouts, "That's why I didn't say anything. It has nothing to do with your bipolarity. I didn't want you to blame yourself again when you had nothing to do with it, and I don't want you to overprotect me. I'm a big boy who knows what's dangerous and what's not. I can climb on a fucking chair to catch my bowl and if I fall, it's okay. I don't want to be in bubble wrap. Stop making me feel like I'm going to break in half at any moment.''

Robbe takes a deep breath and feels like he's leaving immediately. Everything becomes super clear around him and he lands in the arms of Sander who catches him before he falls to the ground.

''I'm going to kill you, Robbe Ijzermans. I'll take you to the hospital."

Robbe puts his head against Sander's chest.

''I didn't sleep last night because I wanted to make sure it wasn't bleeding too much and I didn't eat lunch, that's it. I just got my head sewn back on and it hurts. I just need to calm down."

Sander sits down a bit better, wedging Robbe a bit better against him.

''Sorry, Robin, I'll take care of you."

Robbe looks up at him and Sander smiles.

''No bubble wrap, I promise. But no more lies."

Robbe raises his hand and grabs Sander's little finger with his own.

''Never again, I promise."

Sander kisses him on the forehead and Robbe closes his eyes with a smile.

''It's our first fight of the year.''

Sander kisses him again and sighs.

''If it could be the last, that would suit me. I hate it."

Robbe hugs and smiles.

''I love make-up sex.''

Sander looks up to the sky and shakes his head.

"You must eat."

Robbe immediately loses his smile but Sander caresses his cheek.

''You come to eat and then we'll see that make-up sex story.''

Robbe immediately finds a huge smile again which makes Sander smile back.


	6. I screwed up

  
_Monday, January 4, 4:59 p.m._

Robbe closes his computer and pushes his chair under his desk before going into the kitchen. Sander is in the middle of a conversation and Robbe looks at him for just two seconds, finding him incredible. 

Robbe's taking the video class because he has no choice, but he's doing his best not to have to participate in the oral part. It's not that he doesn't participate and he doesn't care, but he doesn't like having to talk in front of everyone and see himself talking in that tiny part of the screen. While Sander seems to be quite comfortable with video lessons, even though he misses the contact with his friends at school, and he's currently apparently in the middle of a debate about using reverse perspective for a project to be handed in.

Robbe snaps his fingers and Bowie looks up at him before running to join him. Sander turns his head for just two seconds before he starts talking again. 

Robbe sits on the couch, the puppy celebrating on his lap.

"Do you think your dad is angry with me?"

Bowie stops and tilts his head to the side as if he is hesitating and Robbe strokes his head and sighs.

''Yeah, I think you're right, baby. I screwed up."

The door between the two rooms opens and the next moment Sander is sitting on Robbe's thighs with his head on his shoulder, giving the impression that he's trying to merge his body with Robbe's body. Robbe wraps his arms around him and puts his head on Sander's shoulder, happy that Bowie had the idea to jump off his knees when Sander opened the door. They didn't really have time to talk at lunch because after a long hug and the time Robbe was eating, it was time to go back to class.

''I'm sorry, Robbe.''

Robbe kisses him in the neck and then on his jaw and in his hair.

''I'm the one who fucked up, babe. I'm sorry."

They hug each other for a few minutes in that tight hug before Sander straightens up.

''Do you feel like I'm choking you?''

Robbe shakes his head, gently caressing his cheek.

"No, that's not what I meant. I know it's been hard for you, I just didn't want you to worry. It was silly. I promise I'll never hide anything from you again, babe. Promise."

Sander nods but still seems sad when he leans back towards Robbe to return to his original position. It's finally Bowie barking that separates them.

''I'll take him for a walk.'' Declares Sander as he stands up.

Robbe shakes his head and slides his hand into his own.

''Shall we both go?''

The rain has stopped and finally it feels good to go out for a walk. The tour of the neighborhood is quick, but Robbe thinks it will be nice this summer when the weather is nice, and maybe with a little luck the whole pandemic story will be behind them by then.

"We're making pizza?" Robbe asks when they get home "I want cooking with you."

Sander smiles, nods and hugs Robbe. They take out the flour, the eggs, the oil and then all the ingredients they need and suddenly Robbe realizes that it's too quiet. He lets go of the ball of dough he was kneading and takes his cell phone out of his pocket. He merges it with their bluetooth speaker placed on one of the tall cabinets and launches his playlist. 

Sander immediately smiles and moves his head in rhythm, reminding their first outing to the supermarket. Sander bends over to kiss him before they start singing. Robbe kneads his ball of dough again and Bowie starts barking as they sing.

" _Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress. Rebel rebel, your face is a mess. Rebel rebel, how could they know?"_

Sander grabs Robbe's sweater and pulls it towards him so he can kiss him. Robbe wraps his arms around him, and they stand there in their kitchen, their hands full of flour and pizza dough, cheek to cheek.

''I love you, Sander. You make me happy, you know?''

Sander mumbles something while nodding his head and Robbe feels that he serves it a little harder before he steps back to spread the dough. They put a whole bunch of filling on it before they put it in the oven, then they have a soda and cheese crackers before settling into the couch.

''What do you want to watch?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and puts his head on Sander's shoulder.

''Whatever you want. Choose."

Finally, they eat while watching _Let's Dance._ The movie doesn't really matter anyway. What matters is that Robbe looks at him in Sander's arms, their puppy lying against his belly and their kitten sleeping on the armrest next to Sander.

Sander takes Bowie for his last walk while Robbe puts away the leftover pizza and they go to bed quietly, the bedroom is only lit by the stars and the moonlight shining on the wall next to their bed.

''I never thought I could enjoy a dance movie so much.'' Says Robbe, smiling, "That was cool."

Sander chuckles next to him and turns to the side to caress his arm.

''You especially like Rayane Bensetti, right?''

Robbe looks up to the sky and turns to the side to face his boyfriend.

''Nonsense. It's true that he look good, but his hair is too long. He was better with short hair."

Sander smiles and traces patterns on his arm, which sends a feeling of happiness directly into Robbe's heart.

''You're the one who says that? Did you see the hair you had two years ago?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and rubs his nose against Sander's nose.

''You would have loved to have known me like that, right?''

Sander gently slides his hand through his hair.

''Yeah. Of course I does. I love your hair.''

''Since hairdressers still aren't allowed to open, that will soon be the case. So that's why you chose that movie? Do you like long-haired guys?''

Sander chuckles and gets closer to Robbe.

''No. I love you.''

Robbe kisses him but the kiss doesn't last long enough for him. Sander lets go of his lips to kiss him on the nose and then on the cheekbone.

''I'd love you even without hair, Robbe, but it's true that I love your long hair. 100 times more beautiful than Rayane Bensetti. Your smile is definitely worth his abs. Anyway, I thought the actress was nicer to look at than him. No, I just chose by chance. It's a Bowie title, I thought maybe it was a sign."

Robbe strokes his cheek and they stay in each other's arms for a few minutes, just holding each other. Robbe even thinks they will fall asleep like that when Sander's voice breaks the silence.

"Say...do you still have butterflies in your belly with me?"

Robbe frowns and steps back so he can look at Sander.

''Every time I look at you, babe. And they fly all over my belly every time you kiss me."

Sander kisses him, more voraciously than before, then he hugs him.

''Why are you asking me that question? Are you okay?''

Sander nods, gently stroking Robbe's hair again.

''I know I can be too much, Robbe, and if I'm too much for you, you must''

"Eh!." Robbe cuts him off ''Stop. You're not too much, okay? Okay, I had a feeling you were really going to bubble wrap me and that scares me. I know you got scared and I'm sorry I lied to you and pissed you off. I know that if you were the one that got hurt, I'd be worse than you were. I love that you take care of me, I just don't like to see you worried about me."

Robbe pulls him into his arms so that Sander puts his head against his chest.

''It's ok, babe, I promise.''

Sander tries to move but Robbe holds him down.

''Sleep in my arms, my love. Just like this."

Sander raises his head, his hair tickling Robbe's nose.

''I thought you liked make-up sex? We didn't have time earlier. But now we have plenty of time."

Robbe immediately releases Sander, who bursts out laughing before coming to kiss him.

''If you bang your head, I kill you, Okay?''

Robbe pushes him to lie on his back and straddles him.

"Okay."


	7. Are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this absence, I needed some ideas so I took the time to reread wtfockdown, and especially to watch seasons 3 and 4 of WTFock and WTFockdown again ... here I am again with some ideas that you will like ...
> 
> let's start with a little anxiety today ...

Tuesday, January 5, 4:14 p.m.

Robbe greets the guys by leaving high school and comes home as soon as possible, happy to have finished earlier than expected. 

He walks up the street smiling, already imagining how he will curl up against Sander. He would never have imagined being so dependent, but since they are confined together, not seeing Sander for a whole day seems to be a really long time. 

This is probably amplified because the university has not resumed face-to-face classes and Robbe knows that Sander is alone at home. Although technically he's not really alone because Bowie and Iggy will have kept him company, and Sander probably spent the whole day attending classes and then working on his current project, so he probably didn't have time to think about Robbe's absence. But in spite of this, Robbe is looking forward to seeing him again. 

And that's probably why he's particularly disappointed when he arrives home and Sander is not there. Bowie jumps on his legs barking and Robbe is surprised that Sander didn't take him along. If he didn't go out to walk their dog, why would he go out?

He quickly goes around the apartment, looking for a note left for his attention, but there is nothing. So he tries to call Sander but it goes straight to his voicemail. 

Sander's computer is still open on his desktop but the online course platform is offline. Robbe takes a quick look, but apart from that there is nothing open. He sighs and quickly looks at the history, just looking for a clue but he only finds research on art so he closes the computer.

He puts his harness on Bowie who keeps asking to go out and they go around the neighborhood. During the whole walk, Robbe wonders where Sander could have gone but he doesn't see any answer.

So he waits...

And the passing hours are just torture.

At 6:55 p.m., he can no longer hold on and decides to call the person closest to them geographically speaking: his mother.

_"Hi Robbe, how are you?"_

"I'm fine. Tell me you haven't seen Sander by chance."

_"No. Why? Robbe, are you okay?"_

Robbe sighs as he looks at the empty apartment around him. And it's there, only there that he thinks the worst.

"Yes, he went out without his phone. Don't worry, I was just wondering."

Robbe listens to his mother telling him not to worry and that Sander must just have gone for a walk, but now that he has thought the worst, he stands in front of their cupboard and can't bring himself to open it.

What if Sander is still mad at him for lying to him yesterday? What if they are not doing as well as he thinks they are? What if Sander will just decide to leave?

"Ok mom, I have to go."

_"Please send me a message when he gets home. But don't worry."_

Robbe hangs up and puts his trembling hand on their cupboard. Bowie barks and it makes him startle so he sighs and opens the closet door. 

All of Sander's clothes are there.

Robbe feels a fucking relief invade his whole body, until he looks at the time.

19h13.

Robbe sighs and picks up his phone to call Sander's parents, but he gets the same answer as with his mother. 

So he waits...

At 8 pm he sends a message to Adam because he knows they have a common project to deliver in a few weeks but Adam only tells him that Sander has not logged on all afternoon. Robbe starts to really panic and above all he feels completely useless. He gets out, gets on his bike and goes back to all their favorite places but Sander is nowhere to be found.

So he goes home and tries to think as calmly as possible. He remembers what Sander once told him: that sometimes his mother had found him by calling the hospital when he had an episode.

So he looks for the number on the internet and calls, his body completely filled with anxiety.

_"Secretariat of the Antwerp hospital, how can I help you?"_

"Hi. I'd like to know if Sander Driesen has been admitted to the emergency room."

Robbe hears papers being crumpled.

_"No, no one by that name."_

Robbe immediately feels relieved, but that's when he spots Sander's wallet on the table.

"You didn't admit a young guy without an identity? Nineteen years old, brown hair? He was probably wearing a black jacket and a mask with a lightning bolt on it, or write rebel on, or".

_"A guy in his 20s was admitted after an accident with a mask with rebel rebel writes on. He had no identification. He was hit by a car."_

Robbe sits in the chair behind him, feeling like his heart has just stopped.

''How is he? Can I talk to him?"

_''I'm sorry, I can't say anything. Can you come to the hospital?''_

Robbe frowns but puts on his coat. Hospitals are supposed to be closed to visitors because of the pandemic. But Robbe already closes the door without thinking.

''I'm coming.''

He arrives at the hospital in a second state, feeling like he's in some kind of nightmare. The nurse who manages the arrivals at the hospital accompanies him in a narrow elevator where they are both alone.

"How is he doing?"

The nurse doesn't answer, and the elevator door opens to a doctor who immediately puts his hand on Robbe's shoulder and leads him to a green door.

''We need you to confirm that it's him. He didn't have any identification on him. The paramedics did their best to save him, but his heart had already stopped beating when they arrived on the scene. He did not suffer.''

Robbe widens his eyes.

"Wait? What?"

The doctor nods.

"He's died when the car hit him. I'm sorry."

Robbe pushes the door open, his heart beating wildly, hoping with all his might that it is not Sander.

But in front of him, Sander is lying on a table, a white sheet covering his chest. He doesn't even look dead, he just looks asleep and Robbe immediately hits him on the chest, crying. He can't have lost the best thing he ever had in life. Their story can't end like that.

''Sander! Hell no! Sander! ’’

The doctor grabs him firmly by the shoulders.

''Robbe! Robbe!'' 

The doctor pulls him back and Robbe finds himself in his bed, crying in front of Sander who looks totally panicked.

"Baby, it's a nightmare, I'm here."

Robbe throws himself in his arms crying.

''You were dead. You were gone."

He sobs so much that he doesn't know how Sander understands it, but Sander gently strokes his hair and kisses him on the forehead.

''I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here.''

Sander turns on the light and Robbe looks at his alarm clock. 5.04 am. Sander sits against the headboard and holds him gently.

''It's all right, Robin. I'm here."

They spend the rest of the night in that position, and when Robbe's alarm rings, he's adamant: it's out of the question that he goes to school and leaves Sander alone today.


	8. It's ridiculous.

_Tuesday, January 5, 7:44 am_

"Robbe, please, it's ridiculous."

Robbe shakes his head, while leaving it in the crook of Sander's neck. They are around the kitchen table but Robbe sits on Sander's lap, wrapping him in his arms.

"Robbe, you have to leave, you're going to be late for school."

Robbe shakes his head again and takes his phone out of his pocket. He sends Jens a message that he's not coming because he has a headache, shows it to Sander and takes up his position again, curled up against his boyfriend.

"Robbe, it was just a nightmare. I can even promise not to move from the house today. No car will pick me up here. But you really have to go to school, I don't want you to miss classes. It's not serious, baby."

"I don't care."

Sander gently strokes his back and sighs.

"I'm going to work all day anyway, nothing can happen to me."

Robbe hugs Sander a little harder but doesn't move.

"I want to stay with you."

Sander doesn't answer but continues to caress Robbe's back.

"Please, Sander. I just want to stay with you today. Just this once, I promise."

Sander slowly pulls Robbe back to put his forehead against his own.

"Just today, ok?"

Robbe finally smiles, something he hasn't done since he woke up in a panic at 5 o'clock and huddles up against him again. 

"Thanks. I swear I can't."

Sander kisses him on the cheek and sighs.

"It's just because I want to be able to look after you. Okay, so what are we doing today?"

Robbe steps back frowning.

"You have class in ten minutes."

Sander shakes his head and smiles.

"Do you think you're going to spend all day playing video games or with our babies while I work? If you skip class, I will, too."

Robbe sighs as he looks up at the sky.

"Just today, Robbe, okay?"

Robbe nods with a smile before kissing him. A little voice in his head tells him it's wrong to do this, mostly because of a silly nightmare, but as soon as he closes his eyes he sees Sander dead and feels like he can't breathe.

"So what do we do?"

Robbe thinks and then smiles as he hugs Sander.

"Nothing at all. I just want to be with you."

Sander pushes him slightly backwards so that he can stand up while holding him in his arms and carries him to the couch where they settle down, Robbe still on Sander's thighs. Bowie jumps to join them while their kitten is already purring on one of the armrests. 

"Robbe, are you all right? Do you really have a headache?"

Robbe shakes his head, blocking himself against Sander as much as possible.

"No, I'm fine. I just don't want to be away from you."

Sander nods and kisses him gently on the cheek and then smiles.

"Do you realize that I saw you lying in your blood, you had to go to the hospital and we had a fight because you thought I was too overprotective and you refuse to leave me because of a nightmare?"

Robbe sighs and hugs him.

"Yeah, I know."

Robbe starts laughing as he steps back.

"I'm way worse than you. I'm sorry, Sander."

Robbe kisses him with a smile.

"I'm sorry, I'm an jerk."

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"I didn't say that."

Robbe kisses him again, feeling really stupid, but not wanting to be reasonable.

"You can say it. I've been an jerk. You just wanted to take care of me, so I fucked up completely."

Sander slips his hands under his sweater and takes it off before kissing him on the neck.

"It's okay Robbe, I understand. Come here and I'll show you I'm alive and well."

Robbe takes off his shirt before taking off Sander's top so he can kiss him all over his chest. He quickly looks at Bowie sleeping in the middle of their bed and smiles at having such a lazy puppy who spends his life sleeping.

"They say that when babies sleep, parents should take time for them."

Robbe starts laughing before he kisses Sander on the neck. 

"You're an idiot. I love you."

Sander gently pushes him to lie down, sliding a cushion behind his head in the process. 

"I'm fine, don't worry."

Sander smiles as he bites his neck.

"I'll make you feel even better."

Sander kisses him all over his chest, licking his nipples as he passes, before going down to his crotch. He frees his dick from his pajamas before taking it in his mouth, making Robbe moan softly. 

Robbe straightens up slightly to be able to look at him then rests his head on the cushion, moving his hips to the rhythm of Sander's mouth.

"Sander if you don't stop, I won't"

Sander takes it deeper, wrapping his tongue around its base before moving back and starting again and it's just incredibly good.

"You're the best."

Robbe runs one hand through Sander's hair, squeezing his fingers just enough to hold him without hurting him.

"Sander, yeah."

Robbe feels his orgasm swell up all over his belly and Sander quickly caresses it by hitting his dick on his tongue before taking it back into his mouth when Robbe comes.

"Fuck yeah. So fucking good."

Robbe closes his eyes just a few seconds before he looks at Sander who crawls over him to come and kiss him.

"Better than going to class?"

Robbe nods before kissing him.

"So much better. Wait, I'll show you."

Sander starts laughing when Robbe pushes him back while kissing him.

"Go on, show me. I've got all the time in the world today."


	9. That's my Chernobyl.

_Tuesday, January 5, 12:08 pm_

Robbe closes the door of their apartment with his foot, leaving the bags of food he has just picked up at the door of the building on the kitchen table.

''The meal is ready. I cooked like crazy for this."

Sander laughs as he joins him, kissing him on the neck before taking the hamburgers and fries out of the bags.

''It smells too good. I'm too hungry."

Robbe chuckles as he takes a fry.

''It's because we spent the morning to do sport. Did you find a movie?"

Sander nods, biting the French fry that was hanging from Robbe's mouth.

''Yeah. Inception, Total Recall or Eternal sunshine of the Spotless mind? How about that? ''

Robbe immediately loses his smile.

''Are you kidding? I said a funny movie where nothing happens."

Sander laughs and kisses him again.

''I'm teasing you. I found a show about puppy educated. Do you want to try it?"

Robbe looks at Bowie who is already on the table licking the burger wrapping paper.

''Cause you think he's a badly educated dog? Yeah, you're right. He's a bad dog."

Bowie looks at him before he starts licking again and Robbe starts laughing.

''Yeah, that could be funny. Come on, my bad one, let's go in the living room."

Sander frowns as he strokes the puppy.

''Don't call him that. He's just a baby."

"I was talking to you."

Sander bursts out laughing, immediately followed by Robbe who takes his meal and the puppy to the couch.

"I would like him to learn to walk without a leash." Says Sander handing him a Coke. ''I've always thought it was cool. I want him to be able to stay calm, like if we go to a restaurant, I want him to be able to wait quietly under the table."

Robbe looks at the brown puppy spinning around trying to grab his tail, then stops, staggers around and goes to the kitten to try to play with her.

''Yeah, we've got work to do. Come on, let's take a look. Enjoy your meal."

Sander already eats a French fry, but he bends over to kiss it.

''You too, baby. That's so good, I feel like I'm on vacation."

Robbe understands him perfectly because he feels exactly the same way. He thinks about his friends who are in class and watches Sander eating next to him as the show starts. They have spent the morning making love, chatting or laughing before ordering food. The day started off horribly with this horrible nightmare, but it really was a perfect day.

''We should miss class more often, it's really great.''

Sander shakes his head and frowns.

''It's great because it's unique, Robin. Just today."

Robbe nods reluctantly and as soon as he finishes eating, he huddles up with Sander to watch the rest of the show. And as soon as the show is over, they decide to try to teach Bowie to "stay" . He already knows how to sit or lie down when asked, especially when it comes to waiting to eat, but they haven't tried that yet. 

Robbe picks him up and puts him at his feet, at one end of the room.

"Sit Bowie. Don't move. Stay."

He crosses the room repeating "stay" and smiles when he turns around because Bowie is not behind him. But when he looks up, Bowie isn't in his seat either.

"He must have thought you were playing one, two, three, sunshine. You lost Robbe."

Robbe looks at Bowie who is already sitting next to Sander and sighs.

''Ok. We've got work to do."

They spend the next half hour trying to train their puppy, ending up laughing when Bowie leaves to hide under their bed and refuses to come out.

" I think he's had enough."

Sander grabs Robbe in one go, lifting him off the floor, which makes Robbe scream before laying him down on the bed.

''What do we do now?''

Robbe looks at the time and takes off his shirt with a smile.

''Paint me.''

Sander raises an interrogative eyebrow before frowning.

"What?"

Robbe nods with a smile.

"You heard me. Paint me. Make me your work of art."

Sander kisses him on the chest whispering between kisses.

''You...are...already...a...wonderful...amazing...work...of...art.''

And just when Robbe thinks that his request will be forgotten, replaced by a hug session, Sander jumps out of bed and rummages through his art material. He looks at Robbe, who lies down on the bed with his arms in a cross and collects several supplies before joining him.

''Sure? It can last a while.''

Robbe nods and five minutes later, the first brushstroke is given. The paint is super cold on his skin, but it is also a soft caress. Sander applies softly, hyper concentrated and he's beautiful to look at. Robbe would have thought that he would have started with his chest, but Sander is busy drawing something blue on one of his arms. For now, Robbe has no idea what it might represent, but he knows it will be beautiful.  
Sander lightly pinches his tongue between his teeth, while his eyes do not leave the features of his brush and Robbe is delighted to be able to admire him like that. He could spend hours looking at him.   
But it breaks his neck a bit, so he rests his head on the pillow and listens to the music Sander has just put on. Iggy jumps on the bed and turns around his head. As much as it's nice to pet a kitten, as much it's also very unpleasant to see him turning around his head without being able to push him away slightly. And finally the kitten seems to decide that literally sitting on Robbe's forehead is the best option.

''Iggy, get out.''

Sander giggles while Robbe moves his head and brings the kitten down. She turns twice on herself, visibly looking for a place to sleep and then goes back up on his forehead. Robbe raises him hand to be able to take her away but Sander catches up with him immediately.

"Don't move!"

Robbe sighs and moves his head, making Iggy fall down beside him.

''Don't let her come on my head.''

Sander shows his hands full of paint and smiles.

''I'm going to get hair everywhere if I touch her. She's a father's cat, that's all."

Iggy licks his cheek and Sander laughs. 

''You see what I was saying! She loves her daddy. Right, baby?"

Bowie jumps on the bed and Sander pushes him back with one arm, obviously trying to stop him from spilling paint on the bed.

''You're not the only baby, Bowie. Come on down."

Bowie barks and jumps on the bed before he comes to sit against Sander's thigh and Sander picks up his paint. Robbe sighs when Iggy decides to roll herself into a ball against his cheek, sticking as close to him as possible. It would be nice if she didn't have this mania of sucking her tail, which makes her drool, and makes a horrible sucking noise, right next to Robbe's ear. Robbe moves his head slightly, moving away a bit, but Sander tells him not to move, and anyway Iggy immediately moves closer to him, as if they were magnetized. So finally Robbe lets her do it.

Robbe spends the afternoon watching Sander painting on his body, without even worrying about what he's actually painting. Sander changes colors several times, and paints on both his arms as well as his torso, but Robbe doesn't really want to know what is drawn on him until it is finished.

5pm has passed a few minutes ago when Sander raises his head and smiles.

''It's over. Oh Robbe, you are so beautiful."

Robbe stands up but all he sees are spots of color. Other than that he sees nothing.

''Wait, come on, I'll take your picture.''

Sander places him in front of one of their white walls and tells him exactly how to position himself. Afterwards a photo session with Robbe who bursts out laughing in half of the photos because Bowie decides to jump in front of him as soon as Sander wants to take a picture, Sander seems to be totally satisfied.

''I had to do a project about the importance of black in color. You are perfect. I already knew that, but this confirms it. Just perfect.''

Robbe joins Sander as he scrolls through the photos on his camera and smiles. He has an explosion of color all over his upper body that really looks like someone threw paint at him, and there is a black line running over the spots. At first glance, it looks like just a continuous line, biscornuous in places, drawn at random, but Robbe knows that Sander doesn't draw at random, so he looks better. And he smiles when he realizes that they are two drawn faces. Two faces that almost kiss each other. And now that Robbe sees them, that's all he sees.

''Is that us?''

Sander nods with a smile.

''Yeah. That's my Chernobyl."

Robbe frowns slightly as he looks at his body again and Sander laughs before kissing him.

''That's how I felt when we first kissed. I always felt like I saw the world in black or white. Especially in black. And it was you who brought all those colors into my life."

Robbe throws himself on Sander's lips, while Bowie starts barking in the kitchen. They both immediately look over there, because their puppy almost never barks. And when a knock comes at the door, they smile, understanding that Bowie just wanted to warn them that someone was coming.

''Robbe? Sander? We've come to see if you're all right? Quick, it's raining!"

Robbe sighs as he gets up and opens the door to let his friends in. Aaron looks at him then bursts out laughing.

"Oh? Is that how you pass the time when you're sick? I was sure you were faking it, bad boy."


	10. You both look well.

_Tuesday, January 5, 5:28 pm_

''It's so good to see you guys.'' Says Sander as he enters the kitchen, waving at their friends to come in.

''Except it's not safe. You know we're not allowed more than one guest."

All the boys roll their eyes and Robbe sighs. It's annoying to feel like the only party pooper in the gang, but he doesn't want Sander to get infected because of his medication.

''Come on, let's stay away from each other''. Promises Moyo ''It's no worse than when we're in school.''

Robbe looks at Sander very quickly, but not so quickly that Sander doesn't notice him.

''I'm fine, Robin. Come on, come and have a beer.''

Aaron and Moyo walk past Robbe and even though they have their masks on, Robbe knows that they're smiling like idiots underneath, happy that Sander is on their side. Sander hands them a beer and takes them into the main room, describing the house as if it were a castle when there are only two rooms.

"So that's what you've been up to all day?" asks Jens, pointing to his chest.

Robbe smiles as he touches the colored spots.

''No, just in the afternoon. Cool, isn't it? And Lucas, isn't he here?"

Jens shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders.

''No, he's working. But I'll send him a picture of your fleeting tattoo. He'll love it."

Jens takes a picture of him before Robbe can say no and Robbe calls Bowie back, who had gone out for a walk in the yard before closing the door.

''Sander, do you have his towel?''

Sander puts down his beer and goes into the bathroom from where he throws Bowie's towel.

''No? Does your dog have his own towel?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders before wiping Bowie.

''Well, what? Well, that's normal, isn't it? Or else he'll get his paws wet all over the place.''

The puppy goes off like a rocket as soon as Robbe drops him and jumps on all the guests before sitting between Sander's feet.

''The pup knows his master.'' Laughs Moyo before he takes a sip of beer. ''So? What's the story, Robbe? Because you both look well."

Robbe hesitates, wondering whether he should pretend to have had a head injury, but that would mean he'd have to tell how he got it, when in reality it has nothing to do with it.

"Robbe had a nightmare, he didn't want to go to high school so we skipped class. Even if I finally worked all afternoon to do this."

The guys look at his chest again, and Robbe feels spied on and exposed, but he doesn't want to hide it because it's beautiful, and it's ephemeral. Tonight it will be gone, and he really wants to please Sander by letting him see it in the meantime.

''And I guess you've been working on him all morning.'' Aaron laughs as he elbows Sander.

Sander raises a mysterious eyebrow and to Robbe's great relief he doesn't answer and just smiles.

"And you, what's up?''

The three guys shrug their shoulders and start talking about classes, girls, but most of all they all come to the conclusion that it's getting really annoying not being able to see each other when they want to. 

The five of them end up playing video games in the living room and even though he really hopes they won't all be sick in a few days, Robbe is happy. It feels really good to be able to spend an evening with his friends.

So when they leave at 7pm, the apartment looks pretty empty. It's not just hearing Aaron say, _"Oh, my head hurts all of a sudden. Sander, do you want to give me some magic paint all over my body to make me feel better?''_ that already misses it, but it does feel too quiet all of a sudden. 

"You should go take a shower, Robbe, I'll make dinner."

Robbe looks at his chest and pouting, so Sander draws the black line with his finger before kissing him on the shoulder.

''I'll make you some more, some more times. But you can't sleep with that, your skin will get all red and dry. You knew it would be fleeting."

Robbe sighs and walks slowly towards the bathroom. The water is flowing in all colors and it's really beautiful, but even though Robbe rubs his skin as hard as he can, he keeps the colored spots. It's much paler than before, almost transparent, but it's still there.

''What did you use as paint?''

Sander opens the bathroom door and laughs as he looks at him.

"Maybe we should have put some cream on first to prevent it from staining. So there you go, you wanted to keep it, which you did. Don't worry, it always comes off in the end."

Robbe rolls his eyes but grabs Sander's sweater before he closes the door to pull it up to him.

''Robbe, I'm making mushroom risotto. It's going to be overcooked.''

Robbe pulls him up to kiss him and lets him go.

''He's going to be super good. Okay, I'm rinsing out and I'm coming."

Robbe stays under the hot water for a little while longer, then dries himself off and comes out of the bathroom. He crosses the room to go to their bed and picks up his pajama bottoms that have fallen on the floor before taking a T-shirt from the closet. He slips into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Sander's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.

"It smells great."

Sander looks at his phone and then stops the fire under the stove.

''I don't know. I followed the recipe, but it looks dry."

For once they eat in the kitchen, just so they don't always have to eat in front of the TV, and it's true that it's a bit dry, but it's good so it's ok.

''I don't care, next time I'll put cream in it. It's not creamy enough."

Robbe laughs, remembering Milan's face the first time he handed him cream to put in a risotto.

''Milan would say it's a sin to do that.''

They both laugh and finish eating, talking about their friends. And it's only when they are lying in bed that Robbe hugs Sander, feeling incredibly lucky.

''I really had a wonderful day. Thanks babe. I was really hurting this morning. Thank you for not making me go."

Sander rubs his nose against his own and pushes back a strand of hair that was coming in front of his eyes.

''I would never force you, Robbe, I'm not your father and you have to decide for yourself, but this is the only time, okay? We have to be serious. You're underage, and if your parents decide you have to go home, we're not going to have a choice."

Robbe nods softly, almost blaming himself for forcing Sander to miss class because of him.

''But I also had a wonderful day with you.''

Sander kisses him gently in the neck, letting his hands reach down to the elastic of his pants, caressing his lower back while pulling him towards himself.

"Oh...still not full?"

Robbe doesn't have to look to know that Sander is talking about his cock pulling the fabric out of his pants.

''About you? Never."

Robbe slips his hand up to Sander's boxers, but he's not even surprised that he's not as receptive as he is. 

''You're going to kill me, Robbe. We've done it three times today, not to mention this morning on the couch.''

Robbe sighs, stepping back slightly but Sander slides a hand down his lower back to bring him closer again.

''Hey, I didn't say I didn't want to. I haven't had dessert, I might as well eat you.''

Robbe knows very well that this is not true because Sander has eaten a chocolate mousse, pointing out that it's the last one and that he won't last long if they don't buy more, but he's careful not to say so because Sander goes down under the covers while taking off his pants and licks it off before taking it in his mouth.

Robbe closes his eyes, concentrating only on his pleasure and the perfect feeling of Sander's lips closing around his cock while his tongue swirls around its tip.

''Sander, fuck, you're so fucking good.''

Sander quickly caresses him with his hand, peppering his thighs and then his belly with kisses.

"And you're so good, Robbe."

Robbe doesn't have time to comment that Sander's mouth is all over him again. It doesn't take long before he cracks and comes into his mouth moaning his name, and it's just perfect.

Until Sander comes out from under the comforter licking his lips.

"Mmmmm...So good...creamy and delicious...compliments to the chef!''

Robbe pushes him to the side with a sigh.

"Gross."

Sander laughs and comes back to him wiping his mouth with a wave of his hand.

''What? That's right. That's how I wanted my risotto. I give you 5 Stars on Booking.com!"

Robbe lets his head fall to the side, tired, and Sander kisses him on the cheeks before licking his lips.

''When I say you're perfect. The best of desserts.''

Robbe chuckles, hugging his boyfriend against him, his eyes already closing.

"You're disgusting."

Sander laughs, caressing his cheek.

"You like it."

Robbe takes a huge smile, putting his head against his own.

''Yeah, I love it. And I Love you.''

Sander huddles up against him, already crushing him with one of his legs.

''I love you too. Good night, babe."


	11. I need some space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't post here earlier, it was a crazy day! 
> 
> I hope you'll like it.

_Friday, January 8, 3:02 pm_

Robbe disconnects his microphone and video before getting up from the chair. Yesterday he was more comfortable on the couch, but today Sander needed to work in what he called his "artist's place", so Robbe takes his classes in the kitchen.

He slips into the main room and Sander jumps on him immediately.

''Are you on break?''

''Yeah. I only have two hours left of biology, but I can't wait. I'm so tired."

Sander smiles and shows Bowie across the room.

"Look, we've invented a game."

Sander walks slowly towards Bowie who remains seated but wags his tail faster than Robbe has ever seen him. Sander touches the tip of his nose and then runs back and Bowie tries to catch him barking.

Robbe looks at them perplexed and then looks at Sander's desk which is perfectly tidy.

"Weren't you supposed to be working?"

Sander frowns with a disgruntled look on his face.

''Hey. I'm taking a break. You're so tiresome sometimes. So serious."

Robbe looks at him and Sander sighs.

''Sorry, I didn't mean that. I'll get to it, I was just taking a break with Bowie. Come on, Robbe, try it on."

In the end, it's actually quite funny. Robbe is five minutes late for class, completely out of breath from running and his cheeks are red. He doesn't have to wait two minutes before his phone starts vibrating.

_From Jens 3:18 pm_

_Put your hair back on, you look like you just got out of bed._

_From Aaron 3:19 pm_

_Wow Robbe! It's hot at your place, isn't it?_

_Lucky boy !_

Robbe answers that he was playing with the puppy but the two guys roll their eyes when they read his answer. The classes hasn't started for ten minutes when a noise resounds in the main room and Sander comes out, Bowie visibly in the pocket of the hooded sweater he borrowed from Robbe.

"I need supplies. I'm going with Bowie. We'll be right back."

Robbe catches up with Sander just in time to tell him to get a coat. 

''Are you all right? Don't you want to go together afterwards?"

Sander shakes his head and kisses him quickly.

''No, I need it now. Don't worry, we'll be back before you know we're gone. Come on, your class is continuing."

Robbe watches him leave and then gets back in front of his computer. They are put in groups in chat rooms to work and Robbe is so focused on what Yasmina says that it is only when they are all back in the virtual classroom that he notices that Sander is still not home.

So discreetly he tries to call him, but Sander's phone rings immediately in the living room. He didn't really look at the time, but Sander must have left around 3:30pm, and it's now 4:15pm. 

Robbe tries not to panic, remembering that when Sander enters his art supply store, you never know how long he's going to be in there. So he decides not to panic until after class.

But when he logs off at 4:50 pm and Sander still hasn't come home, Robbe can't help but think the worst. He puts on his coat and walks to the arts supply store, but Ted, the manager, is adamant that Sander didn't come today.

Robbe comes out of the store even more worried that he has gone in and thought about it. He decides to go straight to the mural because that's where Sander goes when he's not feeling well, but Sander isn't there. He retraces his steps, and that's where he hears him.

''Oh yes, he's such a dangerous dog. Stop me, officer. We are a danger to society."

Robbe runs up to him and gets between the two policemen and Sander just before they try to take him by the shoulders.

''That's good.'' Robbe says "I'll take care of him, we're leaving."

The older policeman frowns and shakes his head.

"He's not wearing a mask, his dog is not on a leash and he's literally laughing at us."

''Oh yes, this dog is so dangerous. Trembling with fear, little chickens."

Robbe puts his hand over Sander's mouth, pulling him back slightly while calling out to Bowie who starts to walk away. The puppy comes back to his feet and Robbe is really glad he doesn't have to run after him. He takes the mask out of Sander's jacket pocket under the angry eye of the police, probably because they realize he had one on him. He gives it to Sander, but Sander pushes him away, angry.

''No, I'm suffocating. I need to get some air Robbe. How can I get some fresh air with this? Come on Bowie, let's go for a walk. _Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare_.'' Sander starts singing " _This is Major Tom to Ground Control_."

One of the cops caught him and Bowie started barking at him like Robbe never saw him do. Robbe grabs him with one hand and pulls Sander towards him.

''Leave him. We're leaving.'' say Robbe at the cops before looking at Sander ''Sander please put on your mask and let's go home."

Sander shakes his head and throws his mask on the floor before pushing the policeman. The second policeman catches Sander immediately.

''You calm down, right away. The night in the cell will do you good. Drunk by 6 p.m. at his age, it's unbelievable."

Robbe holds the policeman by the arm and takes his hand away almost immediately.

"Sorry. Let me just take him home. He's not drunk, he's"

Robbe stops, not knowing if Sander will resent him for saying it or not.

''You can say it, I'm bipolar and screwed. And surprise : A another fucking episode of shit. You'd better let them take me away, at least you can sleep easy.''

Robbe hugs him, even though the policeman's still holding him.

''I'm not going home without you, Sander. Look at me."

Sander sighs and Robbe takes his chin.

''Look at me. I don't care if you are maniac, they are not taking you away. If you're sleeping at the station, so am I. And if we both end up at the cops station, for sure our parents won't let us live together when we get out. So it's your choice. Let me take care of you. Please.''

Sander bends down to pick up his mask and pulls Bowie's leash out of his sweat pocket before turning to the police with tears in his eyes.

''Sorry. I just want to go home."

Robbe puts one arm around his shoulders and kisses him on the temple.

''Thank you, my love. Come on, let's go home."

"Are you sure he's not dangerous?"

Robbe looks at the policeman and shakes his head.

''No. Not all. It's going to be all right. Sorry. And thank you."

The two policemen nods and Robbe hastens to take Sander home. He carries Bowie and the puppy will sleep in his basket as soon as they get home, so Robbe wonders how long they have been walking before that. Sander lies down in the bed immediately.

He lies down behind him, but Sander pushes him away.

''Leave me alone, please. I need some space. Go make yourself dinner, it's late."

Robbe kisses him on the shoulder and gets out of bed. He spends the evening around the kitchen table watching a movie, without really watching it, while he is pecking at leftovers.

"Leave me alone! Fuck !"

Robbe gets up immediately to go and see Sander and the vision breaks his heart. Sander is wrapped up in their comforter and is visibly trying to push Bowie away, who climbs on top of him.

"Bowie." Calls Robbe ''Come here. Get out."

The dog immediately runs to his feet and Robbe puts his harness on. Bowie waits in front of the door wiggling and Robbe goes back to the bed. He crouches down beside the bed and just lifts up the comforter a little.

"I'm going to the little last walk with him. Can I get you anything?"

Sander rolls his eyes as he turns around.

"I knew you were going to take him for a walk. I just want some quiet. I have a headache."

Robbe gently strokes his shoulder before closing the bedroom door and leaving the apartment with Bowie. He knows that Sander's anger is not directed at him, but it's still hard to hear his dry, brittle voice.

So despite all the emotions that are mixed up inside him, when he returns to Sander's bedside, Robbe takes his sweetest smile.

''Can I help you?"

Sander sighs and then lifts the comforter next to him. 

"Okay. Just 2 seconds, I'll just turn the lights off."

Robbe checks that the front door is closed, looks at Bowie who's already sleeping in his basket again and then caresses Iggy who's sleeping on one of the chairs before returning to Sander. He takes off his pants and sweater and slips behind him, putting his arm over his chest.

Sander intertwines their fingers then brings their hands to his mouth and bites Robbe's nails. It's not the first time he does it, but it's always unpleasant.

''Sander.''

Sander sighs and releases Robbe's hand which caresses his hand. He takes it back in his and then kisses it.

''Sorry.''

Robbe gently caresses his shoulder with the tip of his nose.

''Never apologize for what you can't control. It's all right, babe.

Sander steps back a little more to get in on him and Robbe hugs him back. He tries not to imagine what would have happened if they had actually spent the night at the police station and closes his eyes, happy to be able to hold Sander against him. He reopens his eyes when he feels Sander's mouth around his thumb and bends over to look at him. Sander closes his eyes and falls asleep sucking his thumb...not that this is disturbing in itself, but it's just weird. Robbe tries to remove it gently, but Sander's tongue makes a kind of suction cup, blocking the tip of his thumb against his boyfriend's palate. 

Robbe looks at Sander's face, which finally relaxes. Iggy comes to lie down next to his head and as usual, she starts sucking her tail and that's when it tilts in Robbe's mind : Sander does this to reassure himself, just like their kitten. 

So finally, he lets him do it, happy to make him feel a little better.


	12. You're not too much.

_Saturday, January 9, 4:24 am_

Robbe turns over in a light sleep, half awake, and immediately notices that he is alone in bed. He sits down, as if in a startle, and startled Sander who is standing in front of one of the open windows.

Robbe gets up immediately and closes the window before grabbing a blanket and putting it on Sander who's just in his boxer shorts.

"You're going to be sick, it's super cold outside."

Sander shrugs his shoulders and sits on the windowsill.

"I wanted to see the sky but I can't see anything from here. We didn't think about that when we moved here, but I can't see the moonlight and that makes me sad."

Robbe holds him gently, trying not to misinterpret what Sander is saying to him, but it is clear that despite his episode he seems to want to say something.

"If it's too difficult for you that we live together, we can stop Sander, and"

Sander opens his eyes immediately, apparently very surprised, and then his face closes, as if he were filled with anger.

"Maybe it's too difficult for you, isn't it? You can tell me clearly, I know I'm not a gift and in any case I expected you to end up telling me it was too much for you."

Robbe shakes his head and puts his hand on Sander's forearm but Sander takes it off immediately.

"You give me that impression, Sander. You said you needed space, needed air and needed to be alone. And now you're telling me we're in the wrong apartment. How do you want me to interpret that?"

Sander seems to realize and rethink everything he said and then lets out a big sigh.

"I wasn't talking about you. This is really starting to weigh on me: not being able to go out when I want, not being able to really breathe the fresh air, but it has nothing to do with you. You're the only thing that makes me feel good. I'm sorry."

Robbe takes him back in his arms and this time Sander lets him touch him.

"You're not too much. You're just enough. You're just perfect for me, okay?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and Robbe gently strokes his hair.

"I love you. Just the way you are. And that's not going to change."

Sander puts his head in the hollow of his neck and nods.

"Do you want to come back to bed with me?"

Sander nods and Robbe accompanies him back to bed where they lie down together. They remain motionless for maybe one, two minutes and then Sander closes his eyes and takes Robbe's thumb in his mouth.

Just when Robbe thinks it's still really weird, Sander looks at him, as if he's asking him if it bothers him. His eyes are bright, almost watery and he looks like a child who has just been caught doing something stupid. Robbe caresses his cheek with his other hand and smiles before kissing his forehead.

"It's all right, my love, don't worry."

Sander closes his eyes, visibly relieved and his face gently relaxes. 

And finally, it becomes a thing between them. 

They stays quietly at home, all day Saturday and several times during the day, when they are lying against each other on the couch, Sander takes Robbe's thumb and falls asleep sucking it.

In the end, it doesn't even seem so weird anymore. It's even rather soothing for Robbe, if he removes all the weird connotations that try to get inside his head. 

It's hard sometimes to do something that you might be ashamed of because you're in a society that tells you it's not acceptable. Well, maybe it's not supposed to be acceptable for a 19-year-old guy to fall asleep sucking his boyfriend's thumb, and maybe some people would say they are creating a weird, almost mothering and infantilizing bond, but if Sander can feel better about it and he doesn't mind, why shouldn't he?

Robbe would not propose to him on his own, when Sander gets angry, which happens several times this Saturday, but in the end he's happy when Sander comes to snuggle up next to him, sucks his thumb and falls asleep peacefully. 

On Sunday morning Robbe wakes up with a hard-on, but since it's been happening for so long, he's not even bothered by it. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, anyway, it's not like he can control it. Sander is still asleep so Robbe discreetly gets out of bed and puts on pants and a coat to take Bowie for a walk. As soon as they come back, he serves him to eat, as well as the kitten who never stops meowing between his legs and goes to take his shower, forced to notice that he's always hard.

Jerking off in the shower during Sander's episodes is not his favorite side of their relationship, but at least he's sure his dick won't betray his cravings for the rest of the morning. Because Robbe knows that 'there's nothing worse for Sander than to see that he's in need of sex because of one of his episodes.

Robbe is getting dressed when his phone starts ringing and he frowns when he notices that it's Yasmina calling him. 

"Good morning?"

"You forgot me. Robbe? I knew it. I asked you three times on Friday if it was okay with you, Sunday at 9:30."

Robbe smiles and puts down the phone to put his pants on.

"Just give me five minutes and I'll connect. I'm sorry, Friday I wasn't in great shape. I'll be right there."

Frankly, if he wants to be honest, Robbe doesn't even know what Yasmina is talking about but he assumes it must be biology. So he picks up his notebooks and sits down around the kitchen table before turning on his computer. 

Indeed, they have a group works for Tuesday. Working with Yasmina is really easy, even in video. She's always focused and knows what she's saying, but she always agrees to question herself when Robbe thinks there might be a second solution.

"Robbe? What are you doing here? Come with me..."

Robbe turns to look at Sander who seems to be sad to have woken up by himself he shows him the computer with a shrug and a sorry smile.

"I work with Yasmina. Another half hour I think."

In his headphones Yasmina tells him that he's dreaming and that they will be at least an hour, so Robbe sighs.

"Please, Robin, at least come to the couch."

Robbe nods and asks Yasmina for a break. He carries all his things to the coffee table in the living room and hugs Sander. 

"How are you?"

Sander sighs and lies down on the sofa, head on his knees.

"Really bad."

Robbe gently caresses his cheek and Sander closes his eyes by taking his thumb. At first he's happy that Yasmina can't see him. Robbe has put a chair on the coffee table so that his computer is at the right height, so she doesn't even see that Sander is lying on the sofa with him and much less sucks his thumb, but after 5 minutes it becomes really difficult and uncomfortable to try to work on the computer with Yasmina and not have both hands available.

Robbe cuts the microphone and gently pulls his thumb back.

"Sander, I'm sorry, I need both hands."

Sander sighs and lets go of his thumb while pouting.

"I promise I'm trying to finish quickly."

Except half an hour later, they search on the internet and in their textbooks, they can't find a solution for a molecule problem.

"Honestly, forget about it, Yasmina. Let's go to the next question and say we didn't do it."

Yasmina frowns and Robbe has to admit that he already knew that she would refuse not to find the result.

"Ok ok, I didn't say anything. So we'll do the questions next and we'll come back to this one last."

Yasmina seems satisfied with this idea and Robbe smiles. Sander sighs and the next moment he slips his hand into Robbe's pants and then into his boxers to pull out his flabby cock.

"Sander, what are you doing?"

Yasmina looks at him with a raised eyebrow and Robbe immediately switches off the microphone.

"Sander, you can't just suck me off while I'm working with Yasmina. Don't worry about me, I take care of it this morning."

Sander smiles but takes Robbe's dick in his mouth and suck him gently, almost like he did with his thumb.

Sander looks up to look at him, obviously asking him if he's okay with it, and frankly, Robbe doesn't know. It's clear that it's not about sex at all, it's just about reassurance, but it still feels weird. 

"Robbe? Is everything okay? Shall we start again?"

Robbe looks at Yasmina, whom he had almost forgotten, then nods.

"Yeah, it's okay. Everything's fine."

He gently caresses Sander's cheek, repeating softly.

"Everything's fine."


	13. Come to class, Robbe.

_Monday 11 January , 1:50 pm_

Robbe lowers his eyes to look at Sander as he sleeps, head on his knees and sighs softly, worried. 

They have already gone through Sander's episodes in many ways, but this time it's different. Robbe rolls his eyes thinking about it, calling himself an idiot, because in fact he says that to himself every time. Because it's true. There is always something in common: Sander is always more agitated, he sleeps badly and seems unable to stay put, but every time there is something different. 

This time, since Friday, Sander oscillates between moments when he's angry with the whole world, and then moments when he snuggles up against Robbe and falls asleep while suckling. At first it was just his thumb, then his dick, and finally it became any finger, the skin on his neck, his nipples or even his pendant or his hair.

Robbe has the impression that every time he wakes up at night, Sander sucks something different. But in front of Sander's sad and melancholic eyes, Robbe decided that finally it wasn't weird. If this can help Sander deal with his episode better, then so much the better.

"Robbe Ijzermans?"

Robbe was startled, unfortunately waking up Sander in the process.

"Yes?"

His philosophy teacher signals him that his microphone isn't turned on by rolling her eyes.

"You seemed well caught in your thoughts. So you have the honor of answering the question."

Robbe looks all over the screen, if he doesn't see the written question in the part where the teacher shares the documents but he doesn't see anything.

"Okay, I see. So, I'll start again. The question of the day is "Do you think it's acceptable to accept everything out of love?"

Robbe smiles as he looks at Sander who opens and closes his eyes, wakes up gently and strokes his cheek. 

"Robbe? We are listening."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and then activates his microphone.

"I don't think it's really acceptable to accept everything out of love, but I think love can make us push our limits, and therefore make us accept things we would have thought we were not going to accept if we had been asked before we fell in love."

Half the class turns on their microphones to whistle and Robbe rolls his eyes.

"I wasn't necessarily talking about something sexual. I'm really serious, I think you get a pretty good idea of what you're willing to live through, but that idea changes once you're in love. I don't think it means that we accept everything, that love tarnishes our judgment, but rather that we accept to question ourselves and that we mature."

The teacher beckons the others to be quiet and nods.

"And so? Where is the limit, Robbe?"

Sander unbuttoned his pants without opening his eyes and the moment after Robbe is forced to admit that for him, the limit allows him to let his boyfriend suckle any part of his body even if he's in class.

"I think the limit is when you can't stand the situation. But I think we all have our own limits and what is acceptable for one person may not be acceptable for another person. But I think as long as everyone is okay with what they're doing, it's okay."

The teacher nods and Robbe smiles as he cuts the microphone but she shakes her head.

"Don't go so fast, Robbe. If I follow your logic, you're saying that a woman who would be hit by her boyfriend isn't really bad, if she's okay with it?"

Robbe opens his eyes widen and shakes his head.

"I didn't say that, I"

"There are a lot of sadomasochistic couples." says Aaron "As long as they both agree, why should that be a problem? Haven't you seen 50 shades of grey?"

Robbe smiles at him, thanking him for helping him and looks at the other students. It's the first time he's seen so many students who look like they're interested in a video class.

"Wouldn't it be just a matter of trust?" asks Jens "is it not rather trust in other that makes us accept things that we would have thought unacceptable?"

Robbe immediately looks at Sander, again asleep on his lap and smiles. Of course it's about trust, and he's really happy that Sander feels confident enough with him to show him what he needs to feel reassured.

A debate ensues where each student seems to have something to say, and Robbe looks at the teacher who seems really happy to see that.

After this class, they have an hour break because one of their teachers is sick. Robbe thought he could spend this time with Sander, but his friends decide to open a conversation window for them and since Sander is still sleeping, Robbe participates.

"Robbe!" Aaron says "How you set the class on fire! I think it's the most informative class I've ever had in video."

Robbe rolls his eyes and smiles.

"I just gave my opinion. I hope she remembers it when she has to put the grades in at the end of the semester."

His friends laugh and start discussing when Sander stands up, wiping his mouth with a wave of his hand. 

Robbe wouldn't even have reacted, if his friends hadn't all stopped talking at the same time, all looking at him with wide eyes. 

"It's not at all what you think, he was asleep."

Sander doesn't even look at the screen and gets up. Robbe watches him walk through the kitchen to the bathroom.

"So if you get up, your pants will be buttoned properly, right?" Ask Aaron.

Robbe nods and rolls his eyes, hoping the girls will change the subject.

"Of course, who do you think I am? Amber, I love the way your hair looks."

Amber's face lights up immediately.

"Thanks, but you're not going to get away with it. Come on, get up, Robbe."

Robbe sighs. If he squirms to close his buttons and his fly, his friends will see him and he'll hear about it for years to come. He might as well cut out his video, but that would also be like admitting that he was getting sucked off in the middle of class, which he wasn't.

A thud is heard in the bathroom and Robbe immediately gets up, ripping off his headphones, not caring what his friends see or think. 

He stumbles halfway into the kitchen trying to avoid Bowie who sneaks in between his feet and gently opens the bathroom door by knocking.

Sander sits in the back of the bathtub, fully dressed, with his head in his hands. Robbe turns off the water immediately and tries to get him out, but Sander doesn't move.

"I just wanted to wash."

Robbe climbs into the bathtub next to him and hugs him before turning the water on again. He helps Sander undress before gently washing him, kissing him several times tenderly on the top of his shoulder.

Sander turns around, looking defeated.

"Your clothes, Robbe."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and gets out of the bathtub. He undresses, putting his wet clothes directly into the washing machine, together with Sander's, and then grabs their towels. He dries quickly, ties his towel around his waist before turning off the water and wrapping Sander in his towel. 

They reach the main room and within a few seconds his cell phone starts ringing. Robbe looks at him, but makes no movement to pick it up. He puts on clean clothes and when the phone rings for the third time in a row, he crosses the room grumbling, and turns it off when he sees that it's Jens. He's not in the mood to be teased right now.

Sander takes off his towel and crawls into their bed, so Robbe sits up against the headboard and pulls Sander towards him. Sander lays his head in the hollow of his neck and begins to cry..

"I feel so useless, Robbe."

Robbe strokes his hair, kissing him gently on.

"It's all right, babe. I know it's hard for you, but I'm here. I promise you, I'll always be here."

Sander bursts into tears and hug him harder.

"I feel like I'm using you and I don't want you to think I see you as an object. I'm sorry, I can't stop thinking."

Robbe wipes his tears with his thumbs and kiss his temple.

"It doesn't bother me, okay? I'm glad if you're feeling better because of this. Don't think about anything, babe, just what makes you feel better."

Sander nods, eyes full of tears Robbe holds him down. 

"It's all right, my love." 

Sander bursts into tears and finally falls asleep against his chest, sucking Robbe's thumb. Robbe reluctantly gets out of bed five minutes later because his last class starts again soon. He turns his phone back on, sighs when he sees that he has 6 missed calls and calls Jens back.

"What Jens? It's not what you think, okay? I'm busy right now. Sander isn't well."

"We can see that, Robbe, your camera is always on!"

Robbe immediately turns to the living room table and look his computer. The way he's facing, it's certain that all his friends have seen them naked and Robbe sighs.

"Shit ! Oh fuck, that so"

''It's all right, Robbe, everyone left the discussion when Sander went to bed. We only saw your asses, there are worse things, right?''

Robbe nods while sitting on the couch, stroking Iggy to relax. 

''Ok, thanks.''

''Robbe. The teachers are watching you because you missed class last week. I don't know what's going on with Sander, but you have to be in class.I know you want to be there for him, but you have to think about yourself too. "

''Don't worry, I'm logging in for math class.''

''I was talking about tomorrow, Robbe."

Robbe sighs and looks at Sander.

''Ok, we have to hang up, class is about to start.''

Bowie jumps on the bed and comes to snuggle up against Sander, very gently, as if he understands that he is not as usual. 

Robbe sighs as he tries to concentrate. Tomorrow he will have to face the most difficult side of their relationship: leaving Sander alone when he's not feeling well. 

And suddenly a horrible thought enters his head: did Jens remind him to go to school because he knows him well and knows that he wants to stay with Sander, or because he heard him tell him that he will always be there for him? Did they really all leave the discussion at the same time?

Robbe looks back at his conversation history and sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... voyeur (or rather curious, I would say), or not? Which path do you prefer I take? 
> 
> Jens? Aaron? Moyo? Amber? Kato? Yasmina? Who could have watched the intimacy of our favorite couple without scruples?


	14. Are you joking?

_Tuesday, January 12, 10:10 am_

The ringtone finally rings and Robbe leaves the classroom almost immediately to check his phone, and he sighs because he has no messages.

"Robbe! Can we see each other just for a few minutes? I want to talk to you about something."

Robbe immediately frowns as he looks at Jens. Robbe arrived at the high school just before it rang, so he didn't have time to talk to him before the first two hours of class.

"Oh, really ? Do you want to see me? Don't you think you've seen enough?"

Jens pulls him into the yard and Robbe lets him do it but rips his arm out of his supposed best friend's hand as soon as they're outside.

"Honestly I don't know if I want to talk about this with you right now because I'm so angry. What is this bullshit, Jens. I would have expected this from Aaron, not from you."

Hands on his shoulders startle him, and Robbe turns around to see Aaron smiling.

"What's up, guys? What are you talking about?"

Robbe opens his mouth, totally pissed off. He's barely slept all night, can't stop wondering why his best friend would want to look at them like that.

"Nothing. Robbe, please."

Robbe shakes his head, feeling betrayed again. Whatever his reasons, he didn't have to do this.

"We were talking about the fact that Jens didn't log off yesterday and spent ten minutes spying on me against my will."

Aaron frowns when he looks at Jens.

"Are you joking? It was you who told us all in there to disconnect, but in fact it was just to be able to watch them in peace?"

Jens looks up to the sky and looks at Robbe.

"I swear that It's not that at all."

"How are you guys doing? You look like shit!"

The three of them go back to look at Moyo who joins them with a huge smile.

"Jens watched Robbe and Sander last night!" Says Aaron.

Moyo steps back, as if he was completely shocked and then looks at Jens with a black look.

"What? You're kidding, Jens? What's gotten into you? Even I wouldn't do that."

Robbe looks at Jens and turns around, ready to leave but Jens grabs him by the arm.

"I swear it's not what you think at all. Sometimes appearances are deceiving, right?"

Robbe looks at him, intrigued and thinks back to yesterday when his friends thought Sander was sucking him while they were in class.

"That's true. So? Go ahead, explain it to me."

Jens looks at Aaron and then at Moyo and shows a corner of the playground with his head.

"Can't we talk about it, just the two of us? It's nothing against you guys, but I just want to talk to Robbe."

Both boys frown at the same time as Robbe.

"Come on Jens, explain yourself." Aaron encourages him.

Jens looks at Robbe, but as he doesn't move, Jens sighs.

"Ok, so, when you came back, we immediately understood that you had forgotten that the camera was on. So when you undressed, I asked everyone to disconnect. I wanted to be the last one to disconnect, to make sure everybody was gone."

"And if it took you 10 minutes to log out after everyone else, was it because you didn't know how to do it?" Ironise Robbe.

Jens shakes his head and puts his hand on his arm.

"No. I was going to do it, and then I heard what Sander was telling you. I know it's none of my business, but I immediately thought about the limits you were talking about yesterday and I'm really worried about you."

Robbe tries to think back as fast as possible to what Sander said, but he only remembers who told him that he felt useless, because that's what it hurt him the most to hear.

"I know you're happy with Sander, but I'm afraid that when he's not well you put his needs before yours, without saying anything."

Moyo and Aaron look at him before turning to Jens.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"Robbe? Are you sure you're okay? Are you sure you agree with everything Sander does?"

Robbe feels like he's going to get wrinkled from frowning, but he doesn't see how he can stop doing it because he doesn't understand at all what his best friend is getting at.

"What do you think is going on?"

Jens looks at Moyo and Aaron as if he hesitates to talk about it and Robbe almost regrets that he didn't accept that they just talk to each other.

"Just as I was about to disconnect, Sander said he felt awful using you and didn't want you to feel like an object."

Robbe nods, remembering that very well.

"Yes. And? I guess you heard me tell him that wasn't the case. It doesn't concern you, Jens. I'm always agree."

Jens sighs again, putting his hand on his forearm.

"I know you love him, and you want to help him when he's not well, and maybe you're afraid that if you refuse he'll go somewhere else because he's not very well in his mind right now, but I'm afraid you're going to let him do what he wants without opposing you just to make him feel better. But you mustn't let him do what he wants, that's not love."

Robbe widens his eyes while his friends look at him.

"Wait a minute. What? You think Sander rapes me?"

Jens shakes his head, his eyes at the edge of tears.

"He said himself that he was using you as an object. I'm not saying that he rapes you, I'm saying that maybe you let him do it to help him, and that you accept things you don't really want."

Robbe bursts out laughing. A nervous laugh that comes out of him without him realizing it.

"Robbe, I'm serious, I."

Robbe shakes his head, putting his hand on Jens' arm.

"He wasn't talking about sex."

The three boys frown and Robbe sighs.

"Many bipolar people have episodes that revolve around sex," says Moyo. "But Jens is right, just because it happens to him doesn't mean you have to accept everything."

Robbe shakes his head and smiles.

"It happened. Before Christmas. Yes, it was hard to deal with, but I told him no and he never tried to take advantage of me. He always respected that I told him no, so stop your bullshits, guys."

The three boys look at him like they've doubting and Robbe just shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm really flattered that you're worried about me, but there's nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. I don't do anything unless I agree."

Jens sighs and nods.

"Can you really say that you don't let him fuck you just to make him feel better? I'm sorry, Robbe, I thought about it all night. He seemed so ashamed of what he's doing to you. I love Sander but you can't let him." 

"He sucks my thumb." Robbe cuts him off, "that's what he was talking about, and that's why he feels like he thinks I'm the object, because I'm his giant pacifier. I don't know why, but it soothes him and since it doesn't bother me, I let him do it. That's it. If I tell you that everything is fine, then it is."

Robbe looks at his friends, not really knowing how they're going to react to this. Surprisingly, they don't show disgusted faces, but Aaron and Moyo just look surprised, even amused, while Jens looks positively relieved.

"Is he sucking your thumb?" Aaron asks, "Like a child?"

Robbe nods with a shrug, because it's not like it's something serious.

"Didn't you take your thumb until up to you were 14 years old, Aaron?" Ask Jens ''I don't think you should talk about that.''

Aaron nods and then smiles. The bell rings at the same time, and all four boys jump up and down.

"Yeah, but it was mine. It's weird to take somebody else's, isn't it?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"It's not just anyone, it's Robbe. And we all know what he means to Sander."

Jens turns to Robbe and takes him in his arms.

"Fuck, if you only knew how relieved I am. I'm really sorry, I don't even know how I could have imagined that Sander would force you into something, but once I thought about it I couldn't think of anything else. I love you, bro."

Robbe patted him gently on the back.

"Thanks. Me too. But when I tell you that everything is fine, please believe me."

Jens rolls his eyes and smiles.

''You always say that everything is fine, Robbe.''

They start walking back to class and Moyo gives him a pat on the shoulder.

''So? That's a thing? You've become a sugar daddy? Isn't that weird?"

Jens hits him in the back of the head before Robbe has time to talk.

''You're really stupid. Just because you can't imagine yourself doing that doesn't mean it's wrong or weird. It's all about boundaries, isn't it? What do you think they used to say about guys who dance? Do you think no one ever thought it was weird to see a guy dance? And yet, remind me again what you do with Kato three times a week?"

Moyo's face lights up and he smiles.

"We don't just dance."

Jens starts laughing with Moyo while Aaron elbows him.

''Yeah! That's my man. So we're good, right?"

The four of them nod their heads and go into the classroom smiling.

''So?'' Aaron asks, ''How's ex-Jack Frost doing today? It wasn't too difficult to leave him alone?"

Robbe nods as he settles into his seat, checking his phone one last time before class begins.

''Yes, but I couldn't miss class again. And then he's not alone. I called a Joker."


	15. I could have stayed alone

_Tuesday, January 12, 12:07 pm._

"Robbe? Are you coming to eat? Where are you going, man?"

Robbe moves a little further away as he takes out his phone.

"I'll make a phone call and I'll be right there."

Jens nods with a smile but Robbe is already focused on his call. And the moment he thinks he's going to get his voicemail, he picks up the phone.

_"I was sure you'd call. I told you everything would be fine, Robbe. And everything is fine."_

Robbe sighs, letting his back rest against the high school wall.

"Has he woken up? Did he get up? How did he react when he saw you?"

Robbe knows he looks like an overly worried boyfriend, but he doesn't care. It's already too hard not to be able to stay with Sander today. He knows that he shouldn't be so protective, that Sander has already gone through several episodes without him, but he really wants him to know that he can't be alone now.

_"He woke up at 9:45. He wasn't happy to see me and told me to leave, that he could manage on his own. I told him I promised to stay here. He got angry and told me to fuck off so I offered to take care of it himself because with this fucking pandemic I haven't been with a guy in weeks. He burst out laughing before he cried. Since then he's been sleeping on the couch and I watch RuPaul's Drag Race with your adorable dog. See, everything's fine."_

Robbe sighs and lifts his back off the wall.

"Okay Milan, I'm going home. I'm coming."

_''If you come here, I'll kick your ass, Robbe. Finish your school day, I'll take care of him. I can handle an angry Sander, don't worry. He's asleep now anyway."_

His phone emits a ping and Robbe immediately looks at it. Milan has just sent him a picture of him sitting on their couch, smiling with Bowie in his arms. Sander is sleeping with his head on his thighs, wrapped in Robbe's hooded sweatshirt, and he's visibly holding something in his arms. Iggy is lying on his back and it makes Robbe smile.

''Thank you Milan. What is he holding in his hands?"

Milan gives a small laugh.

_''Your teddy bear. It's nice that you lend him your cuddly toy."_

Robbe sighs rolling his eyes.

"It's not my cuddly toy. I mean, it was when I was little, but now it's just a memory."

' _'Yeah, yeah. I have good memories of finding it in your bed a few times when you lived with me.''_

Robbe sighs again and Milan laughs.

_''Come on, go eat Robbe. Don't worry, okay? See you soon."_

Soon...

No matter how fast the classes go this afternoon, Robbe feels that soon he will never be there...

And then finally the last class rings and Robbe greets his friends and rushes outside. He loosens his bike lock and pedals as fast as he can to their home. He stows his bike as quickly as possible in the shed before entering their apartment.

Bowie jumps on him barking, visibly happy to see him and Robbe picks him up, gently caressing his head while taking off his shoes. He takes off his coat, almost astonished that Milan doesn't come to meet him and goes to the main room.

He stops on the doorstep because he wasn't expecting to see this at all. Milan and Sander are sitting opposite each other on the bed and Sander is visibly painting Milan's nails.

Milan turns his head towards him with a huge smile.

''Look, Robbe. It's incredible how he can make tiny details."

Robbe joins them and looks at Sander who nods with a small smile. He looks exhausted and still tormented, but at least he smiles. Robbe sits behind him, sliding his legs to either side of his body and puts his head on his shoulder to look at his work.

He has painted the fingernails of Milan in light blue, and over them he has made a rainbow that gives the impression of crossing the five fingers of the hand.

"Did you come with your nail polish?" asks Robbe, "We don't have all that."

Milan shakes his head.

"No, I went to buy some at the store at the end of the street. Don't worry, I'll leave it with you, you two can have fun."

Sander lets go of his hand after applying the last purple line on each of his fingers and Milan looks at his hands and smiles.

''That's just perfect! Thanks Sander. If the Pride March takes place this year, you will be my official designer!''

Robbe passes his hands around Sander's waist to hug him.

''Thanks Milan.'' says Sander ''It was nice to see you. This way it matches your mask.

Even though he still wears his rainbow mask, Robbe is sure that Milan is smiling. Milan leaves shortly after that, saying that they both deserve some time and Robbe walks him at the door, thanking him several times for coming.

''I'm glad you thought of me, Robbe. I had a good day, don't worry. And look at this." Milan shows him his nails again ''It's so beautiful! Zoe's gonna be so jealous."

Robbe jokingly closes the door and joins Sander who is still sitting on their bed.

''How are you?''

Sander looks at him and sighs.

''You didn't have to call him, I could have stayed alone, you know?''

Robbe nods and shakes his head.

''I don't want you to be alone. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Sander opens his arms and Robbe almost jumps on the bed to snuggle up against him.

''Thanks Robbe. I'm really glad you went to class."

Robbe nods and hug him.

"I know. How are you?"

Sander try to smile.

"Better. Little better. It did me good to concentrate on the Milan nail polish."

Robbe kisses him on the cheek and then Sander moves slightly so that their lips meet. They kiss each other tenderly, gently, while holding each other tight.

''Do you want to eat?''

Sander shrugs his shoulders and then takes his arms off Robbe's shoulders so he can snuggle up against him.

''Can we just stay like this for a little while? I missed you today."

Robbe nods as he sits against the headboard, Sander resting against him.

''I missed you too, my love.''

Sander intertwines their hands and sighs with satisfaction before closing his eyes. Robbe puts his head against him and closes his eyes with a smile. 

''I love you so much, Robin.''

Robbe smiles while kissing him on the forehead.

''I love you too.''

Sander sighs, huddling a little more against him.

''I feel so lousy. There are all his thoughts in my head, and''

Robbe pushes him gently and stands in front of him before reaching out a hand.

''I want you to varnish my nails too.''

Sander looks at him and starts laughing.

''You don't have to, I know you don't like it.''

Robbe grabs the bag of nail polish left on their bedside table and hands it to Sander.

''I'm not laughing. I've never done this, maybe I'll like it. Go ahead, do something cool."

Sander smiles then nods. Robbe spends almost an hour looking at Sander, who concentrates on his nails, not returning that he can draw something so nice on such a small surface. Sander smiles, visibly happy with the result and that makes Robbe smile. 

He's not sure he has the courage to go out with his painted nails, but since the classes are live for the rest of the week, he might as well enjoy them.

''Wait until it dries, Robbe, don't touch it. Shall we order some food? I don't feel like cooking."

Robbe nods and smiles while Sander orders pizza.


	16. I'm really hungry.

_Wednesday, January 13, 7:45 am_

It is the alarm on his phone that wakes him up. Robbe turns around in the bed and immediately realizes that he's alone in the bed, but also in the room, so he gets up in a single bound.

Sander and in the kitchen, making pancakes while talking to Bowie.

"They're good, huh? You'll see, your daddy loves my pancakes."

Robbe joins him and slips his hands around his waist.

"It smells good in here. But you know you didn't have to. I really like waking up with you in my bed too."

Sander turns his pancake over and then turns around to kiss him.

"I wanted to make you happy. Only two more to go and I'm done. Did you sleep well?"

Robbe nods and kisses him on the cheek and Sander turns around to take care of the cooking of his pancakes.

"Really well. And you?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and pours batter into his pan.

"It could have been worse, I suppose. But it's getting better. I guess it is. We'll see today."

Robbe hugs him a little more and kisses him on the neck.

"Okay. Don't worry, I'll get in the kitchen to work."

Sander shakes his head and turns off the fire under the pan before turning around and smiling.

"No, I...can I have you near me?"

Robbe nods and then grabs a pancake but puts it down immediately because it's hot.

"It's too hot. Okay, I'll get dressed while I wait."

Robbe undresses and grabs a pair of boxers from his wardrobe. He's looking for a clean t-shirt when Sander joins him.

"Do you think we should talk about what happened during my episode?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders with a sigh and sits down on the bed, opening his arms for Sander to lock himself in, which he does immediately.

"I don't know if you remember everything you said, but I don't necessarily want to talk about it again. You were really angry, and I know you didn't mean it."

Sander's face changes expression and he sighs.

"I was talking about how I actually calmed down. Now that I think about it, it seems weird that I did that and,"

Robbe puts his index finger on his lips and Sander stops smiling.

"I don't think it's weird and it doesn't bother me, so don't worry."

Sander kisses his finger before kissing the top of his hand and then up his arm to his neck. He stops, lowers his head to look at his crotch, visibly surprised and smiles.

"Yeah, I think I'm really better this morning."

He gently pecks Robbe's neck, slipping his hand into his boxers.

"I missed you so much, Robin."

Robbe smiles, kissing him just below the ear, touching his erection through his jogging pants.

"I've always been here, babe."

A sound of broken glass echoes through the kitchen and the two guys abruptly separate, before going to see what's going on.

Their puppy is on the table eating a pancake and he has obviously dropped a glass that is broken on the floor.

"Oh Bowie. Those are our pancakes. I just gave you a bite to eat."

Robbe grabs some cleaning supplies while Sander gets angry at the puppy and takes him off the table before putting him in the main room.

"That's okay, Sander, there are plenty more left. Come and eat."

Sander nods and joins him but instead to sit down, he kneels down in front of Robbe and pulls his cock out of his boxers.

"Ok. I'm really hungry."

Robbe runs one hand through Sander's hair, gently stroking it.

"You don't have to do this."

Sander looks at him, just playing with the tip of his dick.

"I know. That's why it feels so good."

Sander sucks him gently and Robbe moans because it's really good. Sander takes him several times deep before caressing him.

"Fuck, yes."

Sander increases Robbe's rhythm and Robbe really wants to make love to him. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine himself taking Sander wildly against the table, hammering him to the rhythm of his moaning.

But he knows he has to wait until Sander is better for that, and that's okay. Robbe reopens his eyes and looks at Sander looking at him. Sander looks at him with eyes so full of love that it is enough to make Robbe capsize.

Sander licks him for a few more moments before he puts his dick back in his boxer shorts and Robbe pulls him towards him to kiss him.

"Fuck, this is so fucking good."

Sander sits down on his lap and grabs a pancake. 

"Wait till you taste this, it's even better."

Robbe rolls his eyes with a smile and Sander cuts a piece of pancake and puts it in his mouth.

"You see? Paradise."

Robbe nods because it's true that they are delicious, but he holds Sander close to him.

"I love you so much."

Sander starts laughing before he takes another pancake and fills it with jam.

"I am well aware of this. I can't believe you asked Milan to come and look after me. You know he offered to fuck him?"

Robbe bursts out laughing as he takes a pancake.

"He would have been annoyed if you had said yes."

Sander starts laughing.

"He would have been completely satisfied, you mean. Do you realize how many weeks it's been since he's met someone? You have courage to have left me with him all day."

Robbe kisses him on the cheek and giggles.

"I just have total confidence in both of you. I knew nothing would happen."

Sander raises a mysterious eyebrow and Robbe hits him on the upper arm.

"Cut the crap."

Sander's surprised, misses dropping his pancake and jam drips on his fingers.

"Look what you made me do, baby."

Robbe grabs Sander's hand and licks it gently.

"It's your fault, you always put too much on."

Sander smiles and lets Robbe suck his fingers before he gets closer to his ear.

"You like it when I put too much, don't you?"

Robbe kisses him and then nods his head.

"Come to the bedroom."

Sander laughs and kisses him but shows him the time.

"You have class in less than 5 minutes, you should already be logged in. Me too by the way."

Robbe sighs while Sander gets up and presses the coffee machine.

"Come on, we can still have fun during the break, can't we?"


	17. En français, monsieur Ijzermans.

_Wednesday, January 11th, 10:11 am_

Robbe turns off his camera and microphone and looks at Sander who has fallen asleep on the bed. 

Sander attended the first hour of class before he turned off his computer and said he had too much on his mind. Robbe saw him trying to draw before going to bed.

Iggy sleeps on his desk, right next to his computer - and that's because Robbe pushed her off the keyboard several times during class. Bowie's liying of the couch, sleeping as if he'd spent the morning exercising when he spent most of his time sleeping. 

Robbe hesitates, then joins Sander, gently, so as not to wake him up, and lies down against him to hold him.

But if he thought he had joined Sander discreetly, since he opens his eyes the moment he joins him, this must not be the case.

"Go back to sleep, I just wanted to give you a hug."

Sander smiles and buries his head in the hollow of Robbe's neck.

"I'm sorry. I promised you nicer things on your break and I fell asleep."

Robbe shakes his head and then steps back a little so he can kiss him on the jaw.

"There's nothing like a hug from you. We'll have plenty of time to do something else tonight, or another day."

Sander nods and wraps himself around Robbe. Robbe loves it when he does this: he wraps his legs and arms around him and leaves his head resting in the hollow of his neck, giving the impression that their bodies melt into each other.

Robbe has to struggle not to close his eyes and fall asleep like that, but he knows he has to attend classes that start again in five minutes.

"I must leave you, my love, I have French class."

As he expected, Sander steps back with a big smile.

"En français, monsieur Ijzermans.'' (In French, Mr. Ijzermans.)

Robbe laughs and rolls his eyes.

"You'd better participate, I want to hear you speak French. You're cute when you speak this language. I'm still waiting for my song."

Robbe sighs but gets up. He fetches his guitar leaning against his desk, and the sound of the strings startle Iggy, who looks in his direction and then gets back on the computer keyboard. Robbe look at her but lets her go it, he will remove her in a few minutes.

He sits on the bed facing Sander then plays a few chords and sighs.

"I warn you, I played this to my mother because she loves this song. Don't tell anyone about it, okay?"

Sander nods and smiles. His eyes are already shining, like when he's about to open a present and Robbe is really happy to see him like that.

"I'm warning you, it's old, but I like because guitar chords are difficult."

Sander bends over and kisses him.

"Come on, you should already be in class."

Robbe plays, trying to remember the chords, especially as they follow each other quickly. He tries again twice and then stops.

"Okay, that's it. But"

"Robbe, it's now or never.I vote for now. Please."

Robbe looks at the time. He should already be in class but he really wants to please Sander.

So he sings. His mother sang it so much that he knows the words by heart. He can't really say he likes Celine Dion, but this song is cool to play.

Sander smiles as if he sees something incredible and beats tempo with his head. 

And to Robbe's surprise, Sander starts singing the part of Jean Jacques Goldman.

Robbe stops singing and finally they sing the duet in a probably approximate French and with a terrible accent, but it's just incredible. It's as if the time of a song, nothing exists around them anymore. And the best part is that Sander has a huge smile on his face and he looks Robbe in the eyes and sings "J'irais où tu iras'' (I'll go where you go.)

Robbe is almost disappointed when he has to stop playing and the silence comes back to them.

"Yeah. My mom loves Celine Dion too. I think their whole generation loves Celine Dion. When I was little she used to put her songs into the kitchen and she would sing and dance while she was cooking."

Robbe laughs as he puts his guitar on the bed.

"Like you with Bowie.''

Sander smiles and nods.

''Yeah, it's true.''

Robbe kiss him then stand up.

''Okay, I have to connect before I get really yelled at."

Robbe shifts Iggy off the keyboard and turns the screen back on. Everyone seems to be waiting for something with a big smile. Robbe reactivates his camera and when it's time to reactivate his microphone, he sees that it's already done.

"I see you're doing your own French class, Robbe?"

Robbe pushes away the kitten who climbs the keyboard again and cuts the microphone. Robbe reactivates it with a sorry smile.

"Sorry, my cat must have activated the microphone. Sorry."

The teacher smiles while Robbe takes the kitten against him.

"Oh he's so cute! Anyway, thanks for your song, Robbe. I can see that your level of French is much higher than what you are trying to make me believe. And you play well. Well done. And to your brother too."

The guys burst out laughing and Robbe looks at Sander who has gone back to try to work at his desk.

"Thanks, but he's actually my boyfriend."

The professor smiles and nods.

"Okay, sorry. Well, you guys make a good duet. So, we're going to do a different class today. Robbe, you start. Tell us about your pets."

In the end, it's a pretty fun class where they discover improbable things. One student in their class has a rat, another has a parrot that he proudly points at on his shoulder, while one girl has two snakes, and another has a fucking tarantula that looks monstrous even through a screen.

Robbe always hates video lessons and hates it even more when he is filmed or listen, like today, unbeknownst to him, but for once he thinks it's nice to discover the students in his class a little more. And if Moyo thought he didn't have to talk because he don't have a pet, it was funny to see his face when the teacher told him that he had to say what kind of pet he would like to have if he could have one.

But he must recognize that he likes the video lessons for one thing: when the lunch break comes, Robbe only has to take a few steps to come and kiss his boyfriend and tell him ''Je t'aime.'' (I love you).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is J'irais où tu iras, from Celine Dion. I love the rhythm of this song. 
> 
> This chapter was 100% for me: I love to imagine them speaking French...Robbe with a too cute accent.
> 
> But I hope you like it too.


	18. Why do you love me?

_Friday, January 15, 1:50 pm_

Robbe smiles as he walks hand in hand with Sander. It's just sad that they had to leave Bowie at home but they can't take him to the doctor's office.

Robbe has an appointment to remove his stitches, while Sander has his weekly appointment with his therapist. 

"I don't want to go."

Robbe caresses Sander's arm and smiles tenderly at him even though he can't see him because of his mask.

"I'm sure it will go well, and when you get home I'll have finished school and we'll officially be together on the weekend."

Sander sighs but nods.

"I know. But I will have to catch up on my classes, nothing great for you. I'm sorry."

Robbe stops walking and pulls him up against him so he can give him a hug. Sander has been looking better for two days, but he can tell he's not completely well.

"I'm going to spend the weekend playing video games or watching you drawing, that's what I call paradise. And maybe if you're nice, I'll even make you croques to eat."

He kisses him on the forehead, before giggling because he has mostly kissed the inside of his mask and they start walking again. 

"I know I have to tell him, but I'm afraid of his verdict. What if he says we don't have a healthy relationship?"

Robbe sighs and shakes his worried boyfriend's hand harder in his.

"He also said that I might want to hit you when you get mad at me and I think the days that went by showed that he was wrong. He's a doctor, but he's also a human being who does and says stupid things. And anyway don't start making a diagnosis when he hasn't said anything yet. He's going to tell you that you're lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend, that's all."

Sander snuggles up against him.

"That's clear. I still don't know what I did to deserve you."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders.

"You're loaded with money, don't worry, I'll only marry you for your money."

Sander bursts out laughing and Robbe joins him immediately because they both know it's not true. Sander's family probably has more money than Robbe's, but they are not millionaires. And they both know that Robbe doesn't care anyway.

Robbe stops in front of the doctor's office and kisses Sander before hugging him.

"See you in an hour, Robin. It's going to be all right, you know. I'm not leaving, I'm just going to my appointment."

Robbe nods but holds him a few seconds longer before kissing him again and then pushing the office door.

"Ok. Go. Love you."

Sander gives him a little wave before walking back to his therapist's office.

Robbe can't even say that he's anxious or afraid to have the stitches removed because he's really used to it. In less than 5 minutes it's over and he can go home and reconnect to class.

He participates in the math class with Bowie on his lap and just when the class is over, Bowie jumps off his lap to go bark at the front door. A few seconds later, Sander opens the door and bends over to pet him. Robbe leans against the door that separates the two rooms of their apartment and watches him do so with a smile.

"How are you doing?"

Sander gets up and takes off his mask, coat and shoes before he sighs.

"Can I get a hug?"

Robbe smiles, opens his arms and drags him to their bed.

"What kind of question is that? How can you even imagine that I would deny you a hug?"

Sander huddles up against his chest and lets out a sigh.

"Do you mind if we don't talk about it right now?"

Robbe strokes Sander's hair before kissing him on the forehead.

"You know it doesn't. And if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine with me too. It's up to you."

Sander nods and loosens his embrace a little around Robbe's waist so he can caress their kitten who has just jumped on the bed to join them.

"What do you want to do?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders but does not move.

"Why do you love me?"

Robbe frowns as he caresses Sander's back, letting his hand slip under his clothes to touch his skin.

"Are you really asking me that question?"

Sander raises his head to look at him and the expression on his face is enough to answer his question.

"I love you because I like how I feel when I'm with you. I like to feel what I feel when I see you. It's as if my body is taking control of itself: a smile appears on my face while butterflies tickle my stomach and my brain tells me "he's here!'' And right away, I feel good. Soothed. I like that too: you soothe my worries without minimizing them."

Sander smiles then Robbe kisses his smile.

"I love you because you are passionate and always give your all. I don't know what else to say. I just love everything about you. I just don't want to imagine the rest of my life without you."

Sander stands up so he can kiss him.

"Robbe Ijzermans, you're the love of my life."

Robbe smiles while kissing him.

"I hope so!"

Sander slips his hands under his sweater and takes it off before taking off Robbe's shirt and then he also gets shirtless before coming back to him.

"Much better. You're still so hot, it's like you're radiating from the inside."

Robbe smiles as he wraps his arms around him.

"You're only saying that because you're so cold. Wait, put the blanket on you."

Robbe grabs a corner of the comforter and folds it over them, enclosing them in a giant burrito.

He closes his eyes, kisses Sander's hair which is right next to his mouth and then feels something touching his foot.

Robbe reopens his eyes and frowns as he looks at their kitten right next to him. He moves his foot slightly but doesn't feel anything so he shrugs his shoulders.

"Bowie?"

Their dog stands up on the couch and Robbe frowns a little more.

When something touches his foot again, he unfolds the comforter and his heart misses a beat while he starts to howl.

There is a fucking tarantula on his leg.


	19. I can't do this.

_Friday, January 15, 4:05 pm_

''Robbe, it's okay, she was very small!''

Robbe shakes his head, looking at his ankle tickling him, as if this horrible beast was still on him.

"She was huge! And hairy!"

Sander starts laughing and takes him in his arms.

''Ok, it was hairy but it was very small. Do you want me to go and see if it's still out there to check?"

Robbe shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest.

''I can't believe you didn't kill her. Who catches the horrible spiders to put them outside? What if she comes back?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''She might have been there for several days without you knowing it.''

Robbe sighs as he looks at their bed.

''I would never sleep soundly again. Okay, I'm going to vacuum. We need to clean this place up."

Sander kisses him on the neck and giggles.

''It's not dirty. Come on, it can wait till tomorrow. And...fuck, there's another one.''

Robbe turns to look at the corner of the wall that Sander shows him. He just has time to tell himself that he can't see anything that Sander tickles him.

''They're on you. Thousands of them."

Sander pushes him onto the bed without stopping tickling him even if Robbe tries to fight him, then he makes him sit down against the headboard before huddling up to him, returning to the position they were in earlier.

Robbe caresses Sander's back which seems frozen and shakes the comforter before closing it on them.

"No little spider this time?"

Robbe grunts but smiles.

"It was at least a tarantula. Gross. Yuck."

Sander laughs at his chest before kissing him and rests his head on it before drawing circles on his belly with his index finger. They stay like that for a while before Sander breaks the silence.

"Robbe?"

"Yes, my love?"

Sander sighs slightly and then traces what must be a heart on his chest.

"Can we talk about something?"

Robbe caresses his back from top to bottom, drawing random patterns on his skin.

"Of course we can."

Sander seems hesitant and frankly Robbe starts to wonder what Sander would want to talk about that would make him so anxious.

"What would you say if I told you I wanted to become an open couple?"

Robbe immediately pushes him away and Sander finds sitting next to him. Their cozy cocoon has just exploded, along with Robbe's sense of security.

"What?"

Sander looks at him and nods several times.

"I think we're too fusional and I think it would do us good to no longer be so exclusive."

Robbe opens his eyes. He could be looking for where the hidden camera is, it's all so unreal.

"What? No!"

Sander bites his lower lip and Robbe tries to think as fast as he can.

"Why would you want that? Do you miss having sex with a girl?"

Sander wraps his arms around him but Robbe pushes him away. He just can't think clearly about it if Sander holds him against him.

"Aren't I enough for you anymore?"

Sander shakes his head and caresses his cheeks.

"That's not the point. I just think we should just be less exclusive. It could be you. I could watch you with another guy. Or even the two of us with another guy. It would just be sexual, it's not a big deal. I think it would make me feel better."

Robbe would want to be able to behave like a mature adult. He would like to be able to talk calmly, and try to understand why Sander thinks like that. But instead, something breaks inside him and he starts to cry.

"I can't do this."

Robbe puts his head in his hands and Sander wraps his arms around him.

"No, don't cry. I won't. That's not true, baby, I don't want that either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't cry. It was just to test you. I'm so sorry."

Robbe immediately backs off and looks at Sander who looks like he's going to start crying too.

"What?"

Sander looks down and takes Robbe's hands in his.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't accept anything just to please me. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Robbe pushes him and gets up, anger creeping into him.

"Do you realize how mean it is to do this? I told you that what I'm doing with you, I'm doing it because I agree with you. Fuck, Sander, do you realize what it felt like to imagine that you wanted to see other people? To imagine that I'm not enough for you anymore?"

Robbe looks at Sander who looks really sorry and closes his mouth before saying mean things, because that's what he does when he gets hurt.

He walks through the apartment and slams the bathroom door on his way in before locking it.

"Robbe, please, I'm sorry. I've been a real jerk. I'm sorry. Please open the door."

Robbe opens the cold water and splashes his face with it.

"It's okay, I'm going out. Just let me calm down."

A small knock on the door and Robbe is sure it was Sander who just put his head on it.

"I'm so sorry. I got scared. I was afraid that you would put my wants and needs first. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I should have known you would react like this."

Robbe opens the door, not wanting Sander to blame himself any more than he already does and huddles up against him.

Sander carries him in his arms and Robbe wraps himself around him.

"I'm sorry, Robbe. I love you."

Sander kisses him on the neck and then wherever he can reach him on the side of his face.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

He hugs him and then takes him to the couch.

"I didn't want to make you cry."

Robbe sighs in his neck. He knows that Sander needed reassurance and that he shouldn't expect him to react like that. It's obvious that he didn't want to hurt him and that they wanted them to have a serious conversation. 

So Robbe sighs and kisses him on the neck.

"I love you too, silly. You swear it wasn't true? That you didn't back out because of my reaction?"

Sander puts his hands on his cheeks and moves him back slightly so they can look each other in the eyes.

"I swear, I just wanted to know if you would be able to say no to me. There's no way I'm going to share you, and I only want to be with you. I'm"

Robbe puts his index finger over Sander's mouth.

"Shh, just give me a hug, idiot."

Sander hugs him and holds him tight until Bowie says it's time for a walk.


	20. No, you come.

_Friday, January 15, 11:26pm_

"Sander? Are you asleep?"

Sander turns to the side, gently caressing Robbe's waist.

"No. I feel so bad."

Robbe runs his hand through Sander's hair before kissing him.

"I told you it was okay. I understand why you wanted to test me. Just don't ever do that again."

Sander nods, kisses him and then caresses his cheek.

"If it's good between us, why can't you sleep?"

Robbe just shrugs.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Sander wraps his legs around him, getting closer to him at the same time.

"Anything you want."

Robbe lets his hand play with Sander's hair, hesitating. So far, he has never asked questions to try to find out what Sander was saying to his therapist. He's there to listen to him if he wants to talk to him about it, but he doesn't want Sander to feel obliged to do so.

"No, it wasn't my therapist who advised me to do this. He told me that as long as you told me that you agreed, I had to trust you. And I would have done better on the side instead of acting like a jerk."

Robbe stops stroking his hair, surprised that Sander answers his question before he even asks it, and then he smiles.

"Ok. Thanks. And you're not a jerk. You're my favorite person in the world. You're the man of my life. Okay, that sucked, but I understand what you were thinking. It's okay."

Sander nods before he kisses him and slides his hand along Robbe's waist to his crotch.

"I'll make it up to you."

Robbe shakes his head, trying to control his excitement, heart rate and breath.

"You don't have to do this for me."

Sander chuckles and takes Robbe's hand before putting it on his cock, which hardens just by touching it.

"I'm totally doing it for me too. Unless you don't want to."

Robbe kisses him, slipping his hand into his boxer as his tongue slides down his throat. He has missed touching his boyfriend far too much. And the way Sander moves and moans, it's clear he missed it too.

Sander lines up their cocks against each other so he can caress them at the same time and Robbe takes advantage of this to grab his ass.

"I missed you."

Sander strokes them a bit harder, squeezing his hand around their cocks a bit more before letting go and going down under the blanket.

He completely takes off Robbe's boxer with licking the base of his cock and then letting his tongue go all the way up.

Contrary to what Robbe expects, he doesn't wrap his lips around his cock to suck it, he just runs his tongue all the way down with it before letting it go down under his balls and then licking his hole.

His tongue is quickly joined by his fingers and when Sander gets two fingers inside him, Robbe already feels ready to come.

"Sander, come."

Sander removes his finger but instead of coming, he licks it gently before licking his cock.

"I want you."

Sander kisses him in several places on his belly and chest before coming to take a nipple with his teeth.

"Come, please. Touch me."

Sander pushes three fingers into him, pulling out a surprised and then blissful moan, while licking his second nipple.

"Sander, I'm going. Fuck, I want you to take me."

Robbe grabs the lubricant but Sander shakes his head, takes off his fingers and lies back smiling.

"No, you come."

Robbe melts down on him and Sander spreads his legs just enough to welcome him in the middle and then ties them around his hips.

Robbe kisses him tenderly while pushing a finger inside him, having trouble not moving his hips because he's so excited.

"Come."

Robbe bends over and grabs the tube of lube. He puts some on the cock before pushing two fingers inside Sander.

"Robbe...fuck...so fucking...missed...come."

Robbe licks his lips and then his ear and takes off his fingers which he replaces with his cock. It feels so good that his orgasm is ripped off before he even starts to move.

"Robbe?"

Robbe starts laughing as he steps back before coming back.

"Sorry. That was too much. You got me too excited."

He tries to make love to him, but it quickly becomes too sensitive so he comes out. He takes the lubricant to be put on Sander's dick and makes him stretch his legs before coming to sit on him, guiding his dick into his hole.

Sander throws his head back, his eyes slightly backwards while Robbe goes up and down on his cock.

"You're so fucking awesome."

Robbe bends over to kiss him, running both hands through his hair as he feels his orgasm forming again as Sander goes deep inside him.

Sander moves gently, slowly, almost too slowly but it's really good. 

Robbe kisses him in the neck, on the ear and then again in the neck.

"I love you."

Sander hugs him and even though he doesn't stop moving, it's so soft that it's really comforting and soothing.

"You are the love of my life, Robbe."

Their mouths meet again and they stay a few seconds kissing, almost without moving. And then it's Robbe who moves because he really needs more.

Sander watches him do it and the way he looks at him is just incredible. There's so much love in that look that Robbe immediately feels like he's melting. 

It's as if Sander is looking at the most important thing on earth.

Everybody should be looked at at least once in their life.


	21. I said not here.

_Saturday 16 January, 11:32 am_

"Okay. We need to run some errands."

Robbe closes the fridge and opens the supply closet right above him. There are at least 2 advance packs of cat and dog food, but apart from cereal and a box of pasta, there's nothing left for them.

"I'm going shopping. I'll be back soon."

Sander immediately comes up to him and puts his hand on his forearm

"Wait, I'm coming with you. I need a break. I can't make up a week's worth of classes in a morning anyway."

Robbe nods, but while they put on their shoes and coat, Bowie joins them and grabs his leash while shaking his tail, visibly happy to go out for a walk.

"We can't take you into the store, Bowie." Says Robbe, stroking him, "Unless one of us is going to walk with him while the other one does the shopping."

Sander puts his harness on before hanging up his leash.

"Don't worry, Bowie is a nice, well-behaved dog."

They make a detour so they can walk hand in hand before they end up in front of the store.

"Did you make a list?" Ask for Sander.

Robbe starts laughing and shaking his head.

"Since when have you been following lists? No it's ok, the list is in my head."

Sander nods and grabs Bowie and puts him in the pocket of his sweater.

"He's not allowed in, Sander, it's"

Sander shakes his head and puts his index finger on his lips.

"He's not allowed to walk in the store. He does not walk there. Come on, I've already done it, nobody has seen him. Are you coming?"

Sander kisses him and then goes into the store so Robbe follows him and puts his hand back in his.

Indeed, no one notices that they are shopping with their dog, and when in the middle of the chocolate section, Robbe leans over to check on him, Bowie is just asleep in his pocket.

"You're a real kangaroo mom!"

Sander laughs and puts his arm around Robbe's shoulders pushing the cadie.

"Yeah, that's right. I like that. Oh wait, we need cheese for the croques."

Sander lets go him for go to the cheese counter and Robbe goes to buy some yoghurt.

"Did you get chocolate mousses?"

Robbe shows him the two packages of his favorite mousse and Sander smiles.

"You're the best. And you dare to go out with your nail polish on your hands? I wouldn't have thought so. I love it. It makes you even sexiest."

Robbe looks at his fingers, having completely forgotten that Sander painted his nails.

"Yeah. That's because the artist who did it is an incredible artist that I love very much."

Sander kisses him and they finish their errands quickly. They go home with three full bags and while Robbe puts away the groceries, Sander starts to prepare their lunch. Robbe watches him do it with a smile. This time Sander really looks better.

After lunch, Sander goes back to work and tries to make up for the classes he missed while Robbe tries to motivate himself to vacuum but in real, he can't get his ass off the couch.

Their kitten has settled on his lap and he spends a very long time stroking it while watching Sander taking notes on his desk. Then finally he decides to tidy up and vacuum.

Around 6 pm Robbe goes out for a walk with Bowie and when he comes back he is surprised because he hears the water running in the bathroom, but Sander is still at his desk.

Sander looks up and smiles when he sees him. He comes to kiss him and then goes into the bathroom, pulling Robbe to come with him.

There are several candles on the edge of the bathtub and a bubble bath that seems to be just waiting for someone to dive it.

Sander gently undresses him before removing his own clothes.

"I wanted to relax and I thought you deserved it too. Thank you for cleaning everything up."

Robbe kisses him before putting his foot in the water. Sander sits down, swearing because the water is so hot, and then Robbe lies down on top of him, lining his back against Sander's chest and Sander holding him in his arms.

"Thanks, it's perfect. I thought you would never want to take a bath with me again."

Sander strokes his cheek before bending over to kiss him.

"We're going to relax together, but this time we won't try any acrobaties."

Robbe nods with a smile because he can already feel Sander's dick almost hard, in his lower back.

"How were your classes?"

Sander nods, playing with the water so it makes waves on Robbe's chest.

"Fine. The teachers emailed me the lessons. I'm going to make up for what I missed."

Robbe turns around slowly so he can look at him and especially kiss him.

"I'm sure of it. I find you so incredible. I'm proud of you, you know?"

Sander kisses him gently and then hugs hi

"Thank you. You're so great, Robbe."

Robbe turns around, taking his place in the arms of his boyfriend. They stay a little while just like that, playing with the water or simply caressing the inside of their hands.

"I think we should do our accounts, don't you think? We can't really say we've been careful since we've both been living here, and I wouldn't want to get into debt."

Sander just shrugs his shoulders.

"Don't worry, if that's the case I'll ask my parents to give me a little more."

Robbe turns around to see if Sander is laughing but as he isn't, he frowns.

"No. That's not how it works. We're already extremely lucky that our parents help us financially, there's no way we'll abused."

Sander nods, obviously not convinced.

"Ok, so I'll take care of the accounts." Says Robbe before kissing him on the chest "but I warn you, we're not asking for extra money. In the worst case we'll eat croques until the end of the month."

Sander nods and laughs.

"That's fine with me. Shall we make some croques tonight?"

Robbe nods, kissing his chest again, then moving up slightly so he can kiss his neck, rubbing their cocks together.

"Robin... I said not here."

Robbe shakes his head and smiles.

"You said no acrobaties. I'll just warm you up here, and take care of you there afterwards. You're okay with this?"

Sander kisses him back and Robbe takes that as a yes.


	22. I don't know why I did it.

_Saturday, January 16, 7:36 pm_

"Please stop looking at me like that."

Robbe looks at him, astonished because Sander hasn't looked him in the eye since it happened, so how could Sander know how he looks at him?

"Sander..."

"I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore."

Robbe sighs and puts his hand on his own.

"No kidding? What about our couple based on communication and all that? Was that just bullshit?"

Sander frowns and moves away from him a little, moving closer to the other end of the couch.

"Sander, no. I want to talk about it. I can see that you're in a bad way right now and frankly there's no reason for that."

Sander sighs and comes back to him but doesn't look at him.

"Look at me, babe."

Sander sighs again, rubbing his hands together.

"I don't know what came over me. You should have seen your face. Can we just please never talk about it again?"

Robbe smiles and strokes his neck.

"It was just the hottest thing I've ever seen."

Sander looks at him with his eyes wide open.

"What?" 

Robbe nods almost shamefully.

"Why do you think I came immediatly? It was just too hot. I'm not telling you to do it again if you're not comfortable with it, but I just find it fucking exciting."

Sander looks at him as if to make sure he's not lying and Robbe starts laughing.

"I swear. Can I ask you a question?"

Sander snuggles up against him and sighs.

"Try."

Robbe giggles and kisses him on the temple.

"Have you ever done it before?"

Sander shakes his head and Robbe runs his fingers through his hair.

"Even when you were alone? You never tried?"

"No, Robbe. No."

Robbe hugs him and kisses him tenderly.

"Okay. Sorry, sorry. I was wondering."

Sander raises his head to look up and finally smiles.

"Because you do?"

Robbe bursts out laughing.

"I'm simply not flexible enough."

Sander looks up to the sky and sighs.

"Pfff...let's just not talk about it anymore, ok? I don't know why I did it."

Robbe strokes his cheek and wraps his arms around him. 

"Did you feel like I wanted you to do it?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"I don't really know... No, I don't think so...Maybe...Why?"

Robbe passes one leg behind Sander so that he comes between his legs and lies down against him.

"I wanted you to do it."

Sander smiles and slides his hand under Robbe's shirt, caressing his belly.

"Really?"

Robbe nods with a smile.

"Yeah. I hesitated to tell you to do it. I wanted to see you like this so badly. Fuck, it's makes me hard, just to think about it."

Robbe always liked to take advantage of the fact that Sander is really more flexible than him. Sometimes he feels like he could make him do any position of the kamasutra.

Robbe has long and thin legs, but stiff as stakes. It's already difficult to put his knees on Sander's shoulders when he takes him, without cramps. In the same position, Sander seems totally at ease and Robbe feels like he can bend him in half.

But he would never have imagined what happened earlier. Robbe doesn't even really know how they ended up in that position, but when he saw that if he got just a little bit closer Sander was able to suck himself his cock while Robbe penetrated him, it drove him crazy. And when a few seconds later Sander took his own dick in his mouth, Robbe came immediately. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

He's already seen videos of guys performing self-sucking and it was weird to watch. Robbe never thought to try it, knowing already that he wasn't flexible enough for that at all, but seeing Sander do it while he was getting inside him was just amazing.

"Robbe? Where have you gone, my love?"

Robbe smiles and kisses him.

"In bed with you. Sorry, that was too hot. Okay, let's get the croques ready before my mind starts to wander again."

Sander smiles and straightens up a little so he can kiss him.

"I love you."

Robbe smiles as he slips his hands under his shirt. 

"I love you too, so never be embarrassed with me, ok? It's just you and me."

Sander nods and kisses him feverishly, caressing his dick over his jeans.

"I love you so much. Shall we go to bed? The croques can wait."

Robbe looks at the time and nods.

"Yeah. But I don't feel like sleeping."

Sander laughs before he kisses him again.

"That's good, me neither."


	23. Happy birthday to you both

_Tuesday, January 19th, 9:34 pm_

Robbe bursts out laughing as he watches Milan scroll across the screen as they all raise a glass to his health, then Moyo tells Senne to do the same.

And Senne does it, so they all help themselves to a new drink, laughing.

And frankly, it feels good to laugh like that.

"My mother says I make too much noise." Aaron growls "When is all this shit gonna stop?"

They all take another drink so they don't have to answer that question, because they don't have the answer anyway.

"I want to go to Sobbe's housewarming party!"

"Sobbe's?" Zoe asks "why not Rander?"

"Why not just Robbe and Sander?" Laughs Robbe.

Sander walks behind Robbe and stops to lean towards the screen.

"Hi guys! Happy birthday to you both!"

Senne raises his glass to his attention and Milan gestures at him.

"At last! Where have you been? I thought Robbe had handcuffed you to the radiator and lost the key."

Robbe smiles and kisses Sander's cheek which is now next to his own.

"I only tie him up in bed, I'm not a savage."

Robbe laughs at the shouts of his friends and Sander looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Have you had a lot to drink?"

Robbe smiles before kissing the tip of his nose.

"No, only a few drinks, why?"

Sander pushes his hair back from his forehead with a smile.

"No, nothing."

Robbe raises an eyebrow and finishes his drink.

"Don't worry, I'll stop after this drink."

Sander smiles as he kisses him.

"I'm not worried. Ok, I'll leave you two alone, I have a project to finish tomorrow."

Sander goes back to his office and Robbe signals him to close the door between the two rooms, he doesn't want to disturb Sander who is working.

An hour later, he bursts out laughing when he reopens the door and almost falls out, stumbling on his own feet.

Sander immediately comes and catches him and helps him to stand.

"Wow. Are you fine?"

Robbe smiles like an idiot and totally lets himself go in Sander's arms.

"Totally. Why? I've never felt better."

Robbe laughs and slips his hands under Sander's shirt.

"Well, I feel even better when I'm naked with you. You've worked enough, come and take a break with me."

Robbe tries to take his sweater off but Sander doesn't help him at all.

"Come on, the best break is naked. Let me help you relax. My mouth knows how to do that."

Sander starts laughing and hugs him.

"Drunk Robbe, it's been a long time. I'm done anyway. Come to bed."

Robbe steps back frowning.

"I'm not drunk. I'm...I'm...."

Sander raises an eyebrow with a smile and Robbe simply shrugs his shoulders before going shirtless.

He grabs his phone and types "strip-tease music" before pushing Sander into the couch.

He stands up on the couch, wiggling in front of Sander before coming down and taking off his pants to the rhythm of the song. 

He almost falls on Bowie while taking off one of his socks and Sander tries to help him but Robbe pushes him away so that he remains seated in the couch.

"Shhh, enjoy the show."

He put on a jockstrap this morning, without any ulterior motive, just because he looks good in it, but in the end it's a good thing.

He moves slowly before sitting on Sander's lap.

"I want you to fuck me here. Just like that."

Sander sighs and kisses him on the neck.

"I won't do anything to you as long as you're drunk, Robin."

Robbe frowns and gets up. He can see the lump that Sander's hard dick makes in his pants, so despite what he says, he knows he'll be able to convince him.

He spreads Sander's legs and kneels down in the middle.

"I'm not drunk. And in any case I'm always agreeable with you. Let me show you."

Robbe tries to open his pants but Sander stops him, shakes his head and pulls him towards himself, so Robbe pouting, disappointed.

"Kiss me, Sander. Tell me you love me. Why don't you love me anymore? I'm almost naked in front of you and you refuse me?

Sander grabs his chin and smiles tenderly. But tonight Robbe doesn't want him to be tender. On the contrary...

"I love you with all my heart and I really have to take it upon myself to resist you, but you are drunk, and"

Robbe sits on his knees and smiles.

"I'm not drunk."

He kisses him, feverishly, almost hard, slipping his tongue perhaps even a little too deeply. And then he starts shivering all of a sudden and tears himself from Sander's mouth, but he doesn't have time to get up that he vomits. 

They stay a few seconds like that, without moving and Robbe widens his eyes, not coming back from what he has just done.

Sander takes a slight breath and then starts laughing as he looks at him.

"Not drunk, huh? I think if you drink less often, you can't take it as well as you used to."

Robbe looks at him, ready to cry. He's just vomited on his boyfriend. It's disgusting, it stinks and it's totally embarrassing.

"Eh, everything it's okay. Come on, we've earned a shower."

Sander strokes his cheek and smiles tenderly at him.

"That's okay, baby. You could have puked in my mouth, that would have been worse."

Bowie jumps on the couch and starts licking the vomit. And seeing that, it turns Robbe's stomach upside down and he runs into the bathroom so he can throw up in the toilet everything that was left in his stomach.

Sander strokes his hair before turning on the shower water.

"It's okay, baby, come with me."

Robbe snuggles up against Sander, feeling totally lame. He just wanted to have a nice evening and a warm night, but he messed it up.


	24. It just surprised me.

_Wednesday, January 20, 6:17 am_

"I know you're not sleeping anymore. I put a glass of water and paracetamol on your bedside table."

Robbe sighs but extends his arm to catch the medicine and swallows it before drinking a glass of water.

"Thanks. Sorry."

Sander wraps his waist gently and pulls him back slightly to snuggle up against him.

"I told you it was okay. You drank too much, you threw up, it happens. Now you're going to be muddy. Nothing too serious. Unless you drank for the bad reasons."

Robbe frowns and stops because it gives him more headache. So he turns around so he can look at Sander in the eyes.

"What do you mean by bad reason?"

Sander smiles, rubbing his nose against Robbe's nose.

"Like forgetting something that makes you unhappy or turning your head upside down because you need it."

Robbe shakes his head.

"What? No. I don't think I drank that much, I..."

Robbe stops and looks at Sander who turns his head slightly away.

"What?"

Sander strokes his cheek and smiles.

"I'm sorry, I love you, but your breath is just awful."

Robbe grunts, gets out of bed and drags his feet to the bathroom.

"What? We swore to be honest with each other always."

Robbe sighs when he sees the two bottles of vodka in the kitchen. One is completely empty, and the second one is almost empty. It's true that they had a series of shots, but frankly, yesterday, he didn't feel like he was drinking that much. He goes into the bathroom and washes his teeth before taking a mouthwash. 

When he comes back to their room, Sander smiles and opens his arms so that he can snuggle in.

He gently grabs his chin so that Robbe looks at him and kisses him gently.

"Better. How are you doing?"

Robbe smiles and pulls the blanket to lock himself in.

"I'm fine. A little nauseated, but I'm fine. Sorry about that."

Sander shrugs his shoulders and then smiles.

"You can always make it up to me tonight, with the show you gave me yesterday but sober this time, so I can really enjoy it."

Robbe looks at him, rather astonished, because he remembers very well that he wanted to do a striptease last night and frankly it looked like a lot of things but it looked neither sexy nor very graceful.

"Really?"

Sander nods with a smile.

"Fuck yeah. You're so hot when you get naked like that. I can't wait to see you tonight."

Honestly Robbe spends the day thinking Sander is laughing but when at 4:50pm he finishes his last class, Sander has drawn the curtain, he's sitting on the couch with a naughty smile on his face and the music Robbe used last night resounds through the room.

"Really?" 

Sander nods before he takes off his shirt, shirtless.

"Oh yes. I've been thinking about this all day."

Robbe smiles, signals him to wait two seconds and picks up Iggy to drop him off in the kitchen before calling Bowie to meet her.

"Okay. But not in front of the kids." Robbe stays and closes the door, "It's just for you."

He hesitates, feeling awkward but dances languorously as he takes off his sweater and throws it at Sander. Sander bites his lower lip and that's when Robbe really realizes that he likes it. That he really wants to see Robbe dance for him, and that it turns him on. 

And that's enough to give him the confidence he needs.

So he relaxes and sits on Sander's lap to kiss him, but he stops before their lips touch, making Sander moan in frustration. Instead of kissing him, he gets up and smiles.

He turns around, waves his ass in front of him and jumps when Sander slaps him. He turns around and Sander shows a smile, wanting to be sorry but not really being sorry.

"Hey! No touching."

Sander laughs as he puts his hands on Robbe's trouser belt.

"How do you expect me not to be able to touch you? It's too tempting."

Robbe takes his hands and puts them over his head and looks him in the eyes.

"No touching. Not to touch you either."

Sander raises an eyebrow and takes a playful smile.

"Or else what?"

The question catches him a little off guard, but after 2 seconds of hesitation, Robbe tightens Sander's wrists a little more.

"Otherwise I'll have to punish you."

Sander shivers and moans.

"Fuck. You're going to drive me crazy."

Robbe smiles and lets go of his hands. The music has been over for a while so he puts it back on and pulls Sander to his feet.

"Get undressed."

Sander finds himself naked in no time, throwing his clothes all over the room and Robbe pushes him away so he can get back on the couch.

Robbe sits on his lap and takes off his shirt. He sees exactly the moment when Sander discovers that he is wearing the shoulder harness because his eyes get bigger.

"Robbe. Fuck."

Robbe nods nodding to his ear.

"That's the goal, yes. Wait."

Sander seems to melt, a dull moaning coming out of his chest and Robbe can't believe how much effect he has on him.

He gets up, wiggles in front of Sander before taking off his pants, revealing his jockstrap. He congratulates himself for having put this on while Sander was out walking Bowie. Until the last moment, he thought Sander was joking with the striptease story, but just in case, he wanted to be ready. 

And now that he sees Sander's reaction, he's happy to do it. Sander wraps his hand around his dick, and Robbe lets him caress himself twice before he takes his hand away.

"I said don't touch."

Sander gasps, moving his hips under Robbe.

"I need it. Touch me. You're too fucking hot."

Robbe kisses him and then bends over so he can kiss one of his nipples before moving to the other, making Sander pant even harder.

"Please."

Robbe fetches the bottle of lubricant and comes back to the sofa where Sander has already started to touch himself gently.

"Sander!"

He takes his hand away, looking like a child caught doing something stupid and bites his lip again.

"I'm sorry. It's too tempting."

Robbe hesitates but takes his hand back and takes it off again.

"Will I have to punish you?"

A gleam passes through Sander's smiling eyes.

"You know I'm a bad boy."

Robbe grabs his lower lip and gently bites it to force him up.

He steps back, letting Sander moan the loss and crawls on all fours on the bed before opening the bedside table drawers to take out their toys.

"I'll just have to have fun without you, then."

Sander widens his eyes, a dull sound resonating in his chest even louder.

"You wouldn't dare."

Robbe bites his lip and lubricates his fingers before pushing them inside him. 

"Robin..."

Sander strokes his belly but visibly refrains from touching his cock which is however hard and red.

"Let me join you."

Robbe shakes his head, pushing his two fingers deeper, moaning.

"Robbe..."

Robbe pretends not to have heard it and removes his fingers which he replaces with the vibrating plug. Fortunately it doesn't vibrate, otherwise Robbe would come immediately.

He just has fun getting him in and out, listening to Sander's breathing, which gets excited every time he does it.

"Robbe, I'll come like that."

Robbe shakes his head and looks Sander in the eyes.

"No. Come. You're going to come inside me."

Robbe puts the plug on the mattress and the next moment Sander's cock replaces it. Sander, who usually starts out softly and tenderly, already takes him hard and Robbe shout a scream of pleasure.

"Too much?"

Robbe steps back to take it hard by shaking his head.

"No. Go hard."

Sander grabs the harness, taking it hard and moaning.

"Fuck...So excited...You're driving me crazy. ..Robin... Fuck... So much."

"Shut up!"

Sander hits him deeper and Robbe crashes on the bed, moaning. It feels so good that he can't even stand up. Sander slaps his ass, making him shout with surprise before going faster, visibly very close.

Robbe releases his cock too tight in the jockstrap, but he doesn't even need to caress himself to come, flooding the cushion underneath him while Sander comes inside him, almost screaming.

Sander collapses on his back, panting as much as he does, and they stay like that until they can breathe almost normally again. Sander stands up and kisses him on the top of his shoulder as he comes out of him.

"Damn Robbe, that was...that was...wow."

Robbe puts their cushions back in their places, puts his head on his and turns his head to look at him. Sander lies down next to him and then gets up with a grimace and throws his pillow out of the bed, which makes Robbe laugh.

"Sorry."

Sander smiles and gently strokes his cheek before kissing him.

"It was crazy. So good. You are unbelievable."

Robbe smiles, kissing his nose.

"Did you like it? Wasn't it too much?"

Sander shakes his head and smiles before kissing him again.

"It was so exciting. Just perfect."

Bowie barks behind the door and Robbe buries his head in his pillow.

"I'm too tired."

Sander laughs and kisses him on the shoulder again.

"I love you so much. I'll take care of him."

Sander doesn't move so Robbe looks at him smiling.

"Yeah, he can wait two minutes. Let me get over it. That was really intense."

Robbe smiles against his pillow.

"Yeah."

Sander is about to get up because Bowie barks again but Robbe holds him back.

"By the way, the spanking, shall we talk about it?"

Sander giggles and kisses him.

"Just too tempting. Sorry."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and pulls him up. 

"No, that's okay. It just surprised me. But it was exciting."

Sander slaps his ass before get out of bed, almost running.

"I knew you were a naughty guy."


	25. How dare you think I'm cheating?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for these days of absence on this fic. I was writing another fic on Elu and I couldn't find time to write this one. I already had to get out of my head everything I wanted for Elu before coming back to Robbe and Sander...
> 
> But now I'm ready for continued this fic...so let's go...

_Saturday, 23 January, 3:15pm._

Robbe sits on the couch and grabs the controller before turning on the console and change the TV channel so that the console home screen appears.

"Uh..baby? I was looking at something there."

Robbe puts the remote down, obviously surprised, feeling really silly.

"You weren't really watching that kind of show, were you?"

Sander stands still for a few seconds and then bursts out laughing.

"No, I'm kidding. Ok, what are we playing?"

Robbe looks at him but Sander looks serious, so he grabs a second controller and gives it to him.

"Weren't you supposed to work all afternoon on your project with Adam?"

Sander sighs and then looks at Robbe and smiles.

"Weren't you supposed to work all afternoon on your biology?"

Robbe sighs then bends over to kiss him.

"So? What are we playing? Mario kart?"

Sander nods and they start playing. It's really nice to be able to play with Sander. Even though he cheats all the time.

Robbe looks at him, while Sander looks triumphant, visibly happy to have won the game and he can't help but smile.

There are moments, like this one, when he still wonders what he did to be so lucky. With Sander, he can be himself without ever being afraid of being judged. He can sulk, grumble or roll his eyes without being afraid that his boyfriend will get angry or fed up with him. They don't have to like the same things, and sometimes all they have to do is be together to be happy, even if they don't do the same thing, but sometimes, like this afternoon, they share a moment of complicity together, which has nothing to do with anything sexual and Robbe just feels very lucky.

"Do you want revenge?"

Robbe shakes his head and puts his controller down before kissing Sander.

"No. Another time."

Sander kisses him and then steps back with a smile.

"Ok. So we're going out? It's a nice day. Do you want to go to the skate park? It's been a long time."

Robbe nods with a smile and they walk hand in hand, Bowie trotting behind them. 

There are only two girls skating when they arrive. Sander sits on the grass with his sketchbook while Bowie is acting crazy next to him and Robbe smiles at him before getting on the board Sander gave him for their birthday. 

What he likes about skateboarding is the feeling of freedom you get when you get off the ramp. This feeling is even better when he is surfing on waves, but for now he has to make do with his skateboard.

From time to time he watches Sander still sitting on the grass drawing or playing with their dog. 

And then Robbe decides to try a new trick he would like to do, so he concentrates on his skateboard. He misses several times but eventually he does it and starts three more times before he looks at Sander with a big smile on his face.

A smile that almost immediately fades when he sees Sander laughing with one of the two girls who is now sitting next to him. She's brown with red locks in her hair. With her black lipstick and eyebrow piercing she looks older but Robbe is sure she must be Sander's age.

He knows he has no reason to be jealous, but when the girl puts her hand on his boyfriend's knee he picks up his skateboard in his arms and goes towards them.

Bowie jumps on his legs, happy to see him coming towards them and the brunette looks at him visibly unhappy with the intrusion.

"Hi."

She gives him a vague "hi" before turning around to Sander, who only looks at Robbe.

"So? You do portraits? I could pay you, of course. And then we could spend a little more time in private, and without masks."

Sander chuckles and gets up to join Robbe who raises an eyebrow.

"Sorry, my heart is for him, and I don't think you just want me to draw you, so no."

The girl gets up, looks at Robbe, raises her eyebrows and then throws her hand away, as if it didn't matter, but it's clear she's visibly upset.

"Okay, fine. You don't even draw that well anyway."

Robbe widens his eyes and stands between her and Sander.

"Hey bitch, you can be offended, but you don't have to be mean and say shit."

Sander pulls him back but Robbe gives the girl a black look and she goes in the opposite direction to them.

"There's no need to get upset, baby, his opinion doesn't matter."

Robbe grunts something, too angry to talk and turns around to look at the girl but she's gone.

"She only said that to piss me off. I don't care, Robbe, I really don't. Forget her."

Sander puts his arm around his waist and kisses him gently on the neck.

"I need a boyfriend, not a bodyguard."

Robbe rolls his eyes and bends over to kiss him.

"Okay. Sorry. She pissed me off."

Sander chuckles and then calls Bowie to come walk closer.

"I could see that. You're sexy when you get mad. You're so bloody. You look so cute with your angel face but you're bloody. I like this."

Robbe kisses him again and they pick up some bread from the bakery before they go home.

"Do you want to play go-kart Mario with me again?"

Robbe looks at Sander and nods with a smile.

"Ok, but only if you don't cheat."

Sander pretends to have received an arrow in the heart and steps back dramatically.

"What? What do I hear? It hurts me a thousand times more than what the girl said earlier. How dare you think I'm cheating?"

Robbe looks up to the sky and grabs a lever and hands it to his favorite drama queen.

"Without cheating."

Sander grabs the controller with a sigh.

"Okay. But if I don't cheat, I know I'm going to lose. Can I cheat just a little?"

Robbe pretends to think and then nods with a smile, which puts a big, beautiful smile on Sander's face.

And when in the middle of the game, Sander push a button on his controller, pretending not to have done it on purpose, Robbe rolls his eyes but for once he doesn't call him a cheat.

But just for this time.


	26. I need your help.

_Monday, 25 January, 14:57 am_

Robbe disconnects and watches Sander painting on a canvas. At the moment it looks like nothing, but Sander seems to know exactly what he's doing so it will surely look like something beautiful very soon.

"Would you like a coffee?"

Sander almost jumps and Robbe smiles back at him.

"What?"

Robbe throws his toy to Bowie who just took it between his feet.

"Do you want a coffee?"

Sander nods and Robbe enters the kitchen where Bowie tries to crawl under a piece of furniture to retrieve his ball. He brews two coffees and opens the cupboard. He has to tiptoe to get the packet of cakes he wants, and even then he can touch the packet but it's hard to catch it.

As he grabs it, a hand slaps his ass and Robbe is startled, causing the package to fall to the floor.

"Sander! Stop with that!"

Sander laughs as he picks up the package.

"Gluttony is an ugly blemish."

Robbe rolls his eyes and grabs his cup, wedging the box of cakes under his arm.

"I could tell you exactly the same thing. Leave my ass alone."

Sander slaps his ass when he turns around and Robbe can't even say he wasn't expecting it. Robbe should never have said that he doesn't mind, because now Sander slaps his ass every time he can.

"So predictable..."

Sander laughs and the next moment he's in front of his painting again. Robbe has an hour free before the next class, normally he had planned to study biology for the test tomorrow, but finally he looks at Sander for ten minutes and can't stop, caressing gently their kitten in same time.

Sander has a spot of blue paint on his cheek, and there is a drop of red paint dripping on his arm. Sander bites his lower lip and squints his eyes slightly, hyper concentrated, and that only makes him even more attractive.

Robbe gets up slowly and comes and stands right behind him, poses a kiss in his neck.

Sander wiggles immediately, moving his brush away from the canvas.

"What are you doing?"

Robbe wraps his arms around his waist and slips his hands under his shirt while kissing him on the neck.

"What do you think?"

Sander laughs and shakes again.

"You tickle me. I thought you had to study?"

Robbe sighs, leaving his head resting on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"You're too tempting. Shall we take a break?"

Sander puts down his brush and turns around, raising an eyebrow.

"And what about ''Sander, leave my ass alone!'"

Robbe looks up at the sky and sighs.

"Already, it's a very bad imitation of me. I assure you that I don't talk like that and you know very well that I wasn't talking about that."

Sander kisses him and turns around to pick up his brush.

"Okay, I'll finish this and help you study. Just let me finish this color."

Robbe sighs, kissing his neck again.

"I didn't say I wanted you to help me study."

Sander doesn't answer until he finishes applying the color and then he puts his brush down and turns around to kiss him.

"I'm going to wash my hands, give me your lessons, I'm going to ask you some questions."

Robbe remains incredulous for a few minutes but when Sander comes back and asks him what the assignment is about, he sighs and gives him his lessons.

"Ok. What are Mendel's laws?"

Robbe sighs, can't believe they are really doing that. It's really nice that Sander wants to help him study, but that's not at all what Robbe wanted to do now.

"Robbe? Come on baby, I'm sure you know that. One right answer and I'll take off a clothes."

Robbe smiles and Sander winks at him.

"So?"

"Uniformity law for first generation hybrids. Law of allele disjunction. Independence of the transmission of traits."

Sander nods and takes off his sweater which he throws on the bed. After three more questions, Sander is shirtless and without socks and Robbe can't wait to move on to the next question, so he takes off his pants.

"Ok....What does meiosis produce?"

"4 diploid cells from one diploid cell."

Sander shakes his head and smiles.

"No. Too bad, I'll have to put my shirt back on."

Robbe grabs the shirt in question before Sander and throws it further.

"No! That's not fair, that wasn't part of the rules."

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"Is that right? I thought I said that at first. You have to work harder if you want to see me naked."

Robbe takes off his shirt and throws it across the room.

"I'm wrong, I'm taking off a clothes."

Sander laughs and shakes his head.

"Are you laughing? You're going to make a mistake on purpose for get naked before me. Come here."

Robbe gets up to join him and huddles in his arms. Sander caresses his chest and then his back while kissing him on the neck.

"That's very naughty, sorry to bribe your teacher by getting you half-naked."

He slaps his ass while biting his lip and then does it again, a bit harder.

"Sander..."

Sander pretends to be surprised and smiles.

"What? One wrong answer, one spanking."

Robbe rolls his eyes, passing his arms around his shoulders.

"I only gave one wrong answer."

Sander shrugs his shoulders before returning to the office to pick up the textbook.

"Maybe. But you tried to bribe me. The answer was "4 haploid cells from a diploid cell". Okay baby, listen....When does DNA replication take place? "

Robbe smiles, impatient because he knows he knows the answer.

"Before the first division of meiosis!"

Sander nods as he listens to him and takes off his belt.

"Sander, damn it! A belt is not considered to be clothing."

Sander laughs and raises his eyebrows.

"Wait, I ask the judge... The judge says it is. New question....What is the genome??"

Robbe hesitates, too concentrated looking at Sander's pants.

"It's the set of genes contained in the hereditary heritage of an individual. Oh no, shit, wait, that's the genotype. The genome is the set of genes in a gamete."

Sander nods and stands up.

"The second answer is right. The honor is yours."

Robbe joins him, takes off his pants before kissing him and jumps up when Sander slaps his ass.

"Hey! I found the right answer."

Sander shakes his head and smiles.

"No, you said the wrong answer, then the right one."

Sander grabs the textbook from the desk and reads them quickly, but all Robbe is interested in is the bulge he sees in his boyfriend's boxers.

So he rips the textbook out of Sander hands and pushes him against the desk while lowering his boxers to free his cock.

"Robin, you're so impatient sometimes."

Robbe nods without letting go of his dick, then looks up at him and Sander bites his lower lip. He slips a hand through his hair, squeezing it lightly before moving his hips. Robbe releases his own cock and strokes himself while sucking Sander's cock as deeply as possible.

"So good..."

Sander's phone starts ringing but he doesn't move. It is only on the third ring that he grabs it on the desk and picks it up while waving to Robbe to stop.

"What? No, my computer is off. Okay, I'll look. No, I haven't finished the light project. Okay, Adam."

Robbe licks the base of his dick before sucking it again and Sander moans and bites his lip.

"What? No, that's Bowie. Okay, I'm finishing what I'm doing and I'm connecting."

Robbe sucks him faster while looking him in the eyes and Sander throws his head back.

"Yes, I'm coming. In ten minutes."

Sander looks at Robbe and then smiles.

"Twenty minutes."

Sander puts the phone down on the desk and pulls Robbe towards him so he can kiss him, squeezing his hand around their cocks.

"You're a very naughty boy."

Robbe raises his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"No, it's you. It should be forbidden to pick up the phone while I'm doing things to you.

Robbe pushes him to the bed and Sander crawls on all fours on it. Robbe puts his hands on his ass, loving the rounded shape of his buttocks and licks his hole before slapping his ass.

"Robbe..."

Robbe doesn't really know whether Sander begs him to continue or asks him not to do it anymore and he doesn't have time to ask because Sander grabs his cock and guides it to his hole.

His phone starts ringing again and Sander turns his head towards the desk so Robbe slaps his ass again.

"If you imagine you're going to answer, you're dreaming now."

Sander digs into his back, allowing Robbe to take it deeper.

"Fuck yes, a wonderful dream."

Robbe pulls Sander towards him so he can kiss and caress him. He loves being able to kiss Sander when they make love, but he loves being able to line up his torso against his back and get inside him as deeply as possible.

''Fuck, Robbe, a give you a A.''

Robbe pushes him forward so that Sander lies down on the bed and pulls himself back so that Sander can lie on his back before coming back inside him, grabbing his legs to put them on his shoulders.

"Only one A?"

Sander smiles then moans when Robbe bends over a little more so he can kiss him, bending his legs a little more.

"A + maybe."

Robbe grabs Sander's dick and caresses it while continuing his coming and going inside him.

''A++. Fuck yes, I'll come Robbe."

Robbe withdraws and takes Sander's cock in his mouth, just as he comes trembling. 

''Fuck, Robin...''

Robbe comes back into him, lets his legs rest on the mattress and kisses him. Sander moans when he realizes that Robbe hasn't swallowed everything and this noise makes Robbe come inside him, moaning in his mouth.

They lie down against each other, smiling for a few minutes, and then Robbe pulls up his boxer shorts and closes his pants with a smile before combing his hair.

"I love the study sessions with you so much."

Sander stays on the bed with his arms crossed until his phone rings again and he gets up to pick up the phone.

"What again? I tell you twenty minutes. Oh Milan, sorry, I didn't see it was you. Yes, Robbe is here. Ah...uh...yes it's possible, we were a little busy. Yeah, of course."

Robbe frowns when Sander gives him his phone.

"Milan?"

_"Hi Robbe, sorry to bother you, but I need your help."_


	27. Sander understands that you need me.

_Tuesday, January 26th, 5:35 pm_

Robbe he doesn't even need to actually go into the hospital, he sees Milan hitting on some guy.

He knocks on the window, as Milan asked him to do, and Milan takes a big smile when he sees him and shows it to a doctor who nods, frowning slightly. Milan waves to the guy, who must be a stretcher-bearer, to call him and he walks quickly through the doors.

"Come on, let's go, he couldn't believe you were over 18."

Robbe takes his bag from him and puts me on his back in addition to his own.

"Because I'm not. How are you?"

Milan smiles, slowing down a little.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'm sorry I bothered you but he wouldn't let me go until there was someone to pick me up, which is totally silly because I'm fine. Thanks for coming Robbe."

Robbe puts his hand on his shoulder to make him walk slower and smiles at him.

"You had a general anesthetic this morning. Take it easy. I don't really like the fact that we're going back by bus when I told the nurse on the phone that I was giving you a ride home."

Milan just shrugs his shoulders.

"It's okay, it was only the appendix, we won't make a big deal out of it."

They take the bus to the flatshare and Robbe pushes the door, a slight smile on his face. It's no longer his home, but it's still very familiar to come here.

"Okay, I'll take my old room, I guess?"

Milan looks at him, visibly astonished and shakes his head.

"No, I don't need you to stay. I just needed you to help me get out of the hospital."

Robbe puts down Milan's bag and then his and closes the door.

"You can say what you want, I promised the nurse to stay with you for 48 hours, there's no way I'm leaving you alone."

Milan can pretend to be well, Robbe knows him well enough to know that he's in pain and that he's tired. Anyway there is no way he can leave him alone so the nurse who got him on the phone told him to look after him for 2 days because of the anesthesia.

"And Sander? No, Robbe, I didn't call you to force you to stay with me. I called you to go out, that's all."

Robbe sighs and looks him in the eye.

"Sander understands that you need me. We can be separated for two days. Don't worry about us and get some rest. Now go lie down while I prepare some food."

Milan sighs but goes to his bedroom and Robbe takes his bag and puts it in his old room when his phone rings.

"Hi babe. Don't you want to do it in video? We just got to _La casa del Milan_."

"I'm taking Bowie for a walk. How's doing?"

Robbe lies down on his old bed and sighs.

"He says he's fine and he doesn't need me to stay, but I can see he's hurting somewhere and he's tired."

"That's normal, let him rest. Pfff, I miss you already."

Robbe smiles as he turns on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"I miss you too. But it's just two days."

Sander sighs and Robbe feels bad that he had to leave him alone, but he wants to be there for Milan who needs him. 

"Why did it have to be when Zoé and Senne are in isolation because they are case contact. They're a pain in the ass."

Robbe shrugs. It's not certain that Milan would have called Zoé, even if she wasn't in isolation because he wouldn't want her to mother him. It's hard enough to know that Milan has been living alone since Zoé has been living with Senne.

"Remind me why I can't come?" 

Robbe sighs as he gets up.

"Already, because it would be dangerous for you. Milan was in the hospital, so I'd rather you stay away from him. Plus you can't leave our babies home alone, and you have to finish your project by Thursday or Adam will kill you. Come on, love, it's just a couple of days."

Sander sighs as Robbe opens the door to Milan's room. Milan is asleep on his bed and Robbe folds his blanket over him.

"I know, sorry. You're right, two days will go by fast."

Robbe goes into the kitchen and opens the fridge to find something to cook.

"Of course it will go by quickly. He's sleeping. What are you eating tonight?"

Robbe hears the sound of a door and then the phone seems to be on the floor and he is sure that Sander has just gone home and untied Bowie's harness.

"Sorry, baby, it's okay. We're home. I think I'm going to eat the rest of last night. And you?"

Robbe opens the cupboards and grabs what he was looking for.

"I think I'm gonna make some pasta bolognese because Milan loves it. Do you think I should wake him up?"

"In my opinion, if he's sleeping, let him sleep. He should not eat only liquids? I believe that since my sister had an operation for appendicitis, she ate only stewed or pureed food for the first few days."

Robbe grimace while resting the pasta and sighs.

"I'm going to look it up on the Internet. I'll call you later?"

"Okay. See you later, baby. Love you."

"I love you, too. Don't forget to eat."

Robbe sighs as he sits around the kitchen table, putting his phone in front of him and then picking it up to see what he has to make for Milan.

As Sander is right, so he's reheating soup for Milan while he's making pasta for him. He gently wakes Milan up to eat a little and they both settle down in the living room. And even though Robbe puts on the Rue Paul show to please him, Milan falls asleep almost as soon as he has finished his soup.

It's clear that when he got on the phone yesterday, he really didn't think he was going to come back to live with the flatshare for a few days. But now that he looks at him, asleep on the armrest of the couch, he's really happy to be there for him, even though he misses Sander.

Robbe watches the rest of the show and then hangs out in front of the TV before walking Milan back to his bedroom. Milan looks completely exhausted and asks him for some pain medication before going back to bed. Robbe takes his temperature, just to make sure because he looks really bad, and Milan doesn't make any dubious jokes about using the thermometer, which means he's really bad.

Robbe leaves the doors open and then lies down on his bed where he talks for a long time with Sander. They don't have much to talk about so they talk about anything and everything just so they don't have to hang up. Sander tells him that Bowie cried in front of the door before going to bed where Robbe normally lies and shows him their puppy who actually sleeps on his pillow.

"We have to sleep too, babe, it's late."

Sander sighs but tries to smile by putting the phone next to him.

"Ok. Good night, baby, I love you."

Robbe sighs. He wants to tell Sander that he wants him to come here. He wants to tell him that he needs him to be able to sleep. He wants to tell him that he needs his arms around him to hold him.

But he needs to be a free, independent and not a sticky, possessive boyfriend.

So he smiles.

"I love you too. Good night."

Robbe turns off the phone and sighs.

They slept separately for a lot of nights, so they should last two nights, right?

The more Robbe tries to convince himself, the less he can sleep. So he gets up and goes to see Milan before he sits down in front of the TV.

He picks up his phone, hesitating to call Sander, but he doesn't want to wake him up so he puts the phone down and sighs.


	28. You don't know.

_Thursday, January 28th, 4:56 pm_

Robbe never wanted to be that kind of person who depends on someone else. He always liked to think that he had a totally balanced relationship with Sander.

He likes to think that even though they love each other, they are independent and can live their lives knowing that they will have a good time together after being apart.

He likes to think that even if they are not physically together, they are connected to each other and that this is enough for them to be happy.

He has seen too much of his mother suffering from his father's absence. As soon as his father would go away, his mother seemed totally lost and Robbe promised that he would never depend on anyone like that. And he really thought he had done it, that he had found the perfect balance between living his life and living as a couple.

But it's all bullshit.

Now that he has tasted the pleasure of falling asleep every night with Sander, sleeping in his arms or against him every night, and kissing his smile every morning, he can't do without it anymore.

For the past two days he has hardly slept and now he really misses Sander. Of course they talk on the phone, but he misses being able to touch Sander. He misses being able to kiss him. It's not even something sexual, it's just the closeness. The need to be together.

And that's why it's really hard to say what he's about to say.

"I'm sorry, babe, I can't make it home tonight. Milan's not doing well."

Sander loses his lovely smile, sighs and then tries to smile, but even through the screen Robbe can see that he can't really do it.

"How is he?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"He's been sleeping all day and he's in a lot of pain. The nurse says he just needs to rest but I don't want to leave him alone. I'm going to stay another night. Is that okay? Are you fine?"

Sander really smiles this time and nods.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'm really fine."

Robbe is really happy to hear that, but at the same time it's really hard to hear that Sander has no problem doing without him.

"Robbe? What are you still doing here?"

Robbe looks at Milan who is standing against the opening of the fair and waves him over. He's all pale and grimaces at every step.

"I'll call you back later, babe, I'll take care of him. I love you."

Sander nods and sends him a kiss before hanging up.

"Robbe, you have to go home. It's been two days, it's okay."

Robbe shakes his head and pushes himself to make room for him on the couch.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Milan. If it was me you wouldn't either."

Milan sighs and lies down on the couch, bending his legs so as not to put his feet on Robbe.

"I wouldn't have to, you have Sander."

Milan has a hint of bitterness in his voice that doesn't sound like him and Robbe looks at him frowning before caressing his arm.

"You could have him too if you wanted. Not Sander, but a boyfriend. Would you want that?"

Milan shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"It's not for me, Robbe."

Robbe taps his arm gently.

"Why not? You always take care of others, you deserve someone to take care of you."

Milan shakes his head and pulls the fleece blanket over him.

"You don't know, Robbe. You don't know what it's like to love someone more than they love you. To give everything you have and realize it's not enough. You don't know how much it hurts to realize that the other person can do without you when you can't imagine your life without him. My heart broke once, it won't be able to take it again."

Milan bursts into tears and Robbe rushes beside him. 

"Milan, what the... Oh fuck, you're burning."

Milan's forehead is really burning and Robbe goes to fetch the thermometer but he doesn't need to wait for the result he already calls the nurse.

"Hi, it's Robbe. You came to change Milan Hendrickx's bandage this morning. He's not well. He has 39°8C."

Robbe wipes Milan's tears as he calms down and takes off the blanket to lift his shirt as the nurse asks.

"I won't have sex with you, Robbe, you're my baby, my little bro. Forget it."

Robbe puts down the phone and tries to look at Milan's bandage even though he pushes it away and then flinches.

"It's dripping with pus, it's disgusting. I'm going to..."

Robbe sighs softly, not wanting to feel bad.

"I'm sorry. It's disgusting and it smells like death."

Luckily the nurse tells him she'll be here in twenty minutes, so Robbe gives Milan an antipyretic and gently strokes his cheek sitting next to him.

He thinks of Sander who must be watching TV or taking a shower and can't help but think that he doesn't miss him as much as he does and it almost scares him to know that he's the least independent in their relationship. 

Milan falls asleep talking but it's so incoherent that Robbe doesn't understand what he means.

Robbe looks at his phone, hesitating to call Sander. He would really need him now. He would need him to be there to support him and to hold him. He would really like to call him and tell him that he can't sleep without him and that right now he is really exhausted from not sleeping properly the previous nights and that he needs him. 

But Robbe doesn't want to be an intrusive boyfriend, and he doesn't want Sander to realize that he has become totally dependent on him, so he puts his phone down with a sigh.

And he waits.

When the apartment doorbell rings, he hurries to open the door and feels really relieved as soon as he opens the door and the nurse comes in.

She asks him to help him move Milan to his bed, and then Robbe waits in the kitchen while she takes care of him. 

"You did well to call me, he has an infection in his stitches. I have just called the doctor on duty, he will come and see him. He probably won't be here for another hour. Just let him rest."

Robbe sends a message to Sander to keep him informed, take his pillow, go to Milan's room and then lies down next to him, waiting for the slightest worrying reaction.

"Robbe. You have to go home."

Robbe sighs as he touches Milan's forehead. He doesn't look as hot, but he must still have a fever.

"I'm staying, Milan. I'll take care of you."

Milan sighs and closes his eyes.

"In my bed? Won't Sander get jealous?"

Robbe laughs and shakes his head.

"Already, I'm on your bed. And then Sander knows he has nothing to be jealous of. Don't worry about Sander, he must be watching a weird art report."

Milan nods gently and takes Robbe's hand in his.

"Thanks."

Robbe sighs and wraps his arms around him. When he thinks back to how he was when he arrived at the flatshare, he realizes that he has really changed. It would have been unthinkable for him to be on Milan's bed and take him in his arms to comfort him. But now he knows that Milan needs that, to be supported.

"You give me warmth, Robbe. But thank you."

Robbe steps back with a smile. Maybe he's the one who actually needs to be hugged.

The doorbell rings and Robbe smiles as he gets out of bed, glad the doctor is already here.

Robbe loses his smile as soon as he opens the door because it's definitely not the doctor.


	29. I've missed you guys.

_Thursday, January 28th, 7:35 pm_

"What are you doing here?"

Sander sighs and almost drops against him, letting go of Bowie's leash as he enters the apartment. He hits him so quickly that Robbe almost falls backwards. It's not the kind of hug that means _"I missed you."_ , It's the kind of hug that means _"I can't do it, I need you."_ Sander clings to him as if he's falling and Robbe's arms surround him before he even wonders why Sander is in such a state.

"I can't do it, I miss you."

Robbe hugs him, breathing in his scent which immediately soothes him.

"I miss you too, but it's too dangerous for you. If Milan gives you the covid, you"

"It's more dangerous for me to stay without you!" Shouts Sander before huddling up to him again "I can't do it. I'm sorry. I don't want to be a burden to you, but I can't be without you. I can't stand lying to you anymore and pretend I'm fine without you. I need you, I can't do it anymore."

Robbe pulls back to look at him and that's where he sees him. Sander looks exhausted as if he hasn't slept well for several days and is struggling inside.

"I know you want us to be independent of each other, but I can't. I need you and I want be here with you."

Robbe shakes his head and takes off his mask before kissing him.

"I haven't slept in two days, I need you too. If you only knew how many times I've hesitated to tell you to come."

Sander hugs him a little harder.

"I'm here now. Anyway, if Milan got the covid from the hospital, you would have surely passed it on to me. And then they take so many precautions, I'm sure he's okay. How's he doing?"

Robbe pushes himself slightly to let Sander in before closing the door.

"Bad. He's asleep again."

Bowie is already settled on the couch and Sander puts his bag in the hall before following Robbe to Milan's room.

"It's your phone on this pillow? Did you sleep with him?"

Robbe turns around, almost surprised at his boyfriend's astonishment. It's true that they didn't really talk about the rules and who allows themselves to do things with their friends, but Robbe never thought Sander would be embarrassed to learn that he slept with a friend, especially Milan.

"I wasn't sleeping, I was watching over him. Does that bother you?"

Sander starts laughing and shaking his head.

"What? No, of course not. It's just that I'm a bit surprised by you, but that's good. He looks really bad."

The apartment doorbell rings, and this time it's the doctor coming. Robbe and Sander wait in the living room with Bowie, until the doctor comes back to them.

"I think he has an allergy to the thread used for the stitches. I redid his stitches with a different type of thread. I just hope the infection hasn't spread inside or he will have to be hospitalized again. I just gave him a injection of antibiotics, I'll leave you a prescription for the nurse to give him another one in the morning. I will send her a message to tell it. If he vomits or his fever goes up again, call the help, they will take him to the hospital."

Robbe nods, happy to have Sander's hand in his.

"I'll prepare dinner." Says Sander as soon as the doctor walks in the door. "Go take care of him. I take care of you."

Robbe nods and sits down next to Milan. He opens his eyes but looks completely foggy.

"This is definitely the worst moment I've ever had in my bedroom with a guy and yet one day I threw up on my partner."

Robbe laughs.

"Me too."

Milan smiles and closes his eyes, so Robbe smiles as he caresses his forehead. Milan goes back to sleep with a grin on his face and Robbe stays looking at him until Sander calls him to come and eat.

As every time they eat, Bowie comes to their feet and that's when Robbe reacts.

"What about Iggy?"

Sander smiles while eating his pasta.

"I hesitated to take her along, but since she's a cat she can normally stay alone for a night. I thought it would be less disturbing for her to stay at home. I'll go see her tomorrow. But I will come back. I can't be away from you for more than a day."

Sander sighs as he puts down his cutlery.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sticky, but I really feel like I can't breathe properly since you left on Tuesday. And then it got worse when you said he was really not well and the doctor was coming. I didn't want you to be alone to deal with this."

Sander sighs.

"Shit, when I hear myself say that it makes me feel like an horrible boyfriend. I don't mean you can't handle this on your own, because you can, but I needed to be with you."

Robbe grabs his hand and smiles at him.

"I feel exactly the same way so that just means we're two horrible, sticky boyfriends, and that's fine. I need you too."

Sander smiles and Robbe strokes his cheek.

"I really missed you. Selfishly, I'm really glad you came here tonight."

Sander intertwines their fingers with a smile.

"Me too."

Sander takes Bowie for a walk while Robbe does the dishes. Milan doesn't wake up from the evening, and Robbe goes back and forth several times between the living room and his room to keep an eye on him.

"We should go to bed? We have class tomorrow."

Robbe nods and gets up to turn off the TV. Sander goes to his old bedroom and Robbe checks that the door is locked and that everything is tidied up in the kitchen before he joins him. But he doesn't have time to do so, Sander comes out of the bedroom in jogging pants and a t-shirt, his pillow and a blanket in his arms.

"Where are you going?"

Sander rolls his eyes and smiles.

"I know that you won't sleep well if you're not close to him because you're going to spend your time wondering if he's okay. Put on something more comfortable and come to sleep with the two men in your life."

Sander disappears into Milan's room so Robbe goes to put on his pyjamas before coming to join him.

He slips in between Milan and Sander, and frankly, it's super weird. When he touches his forehead, which has turned cold, Milan opens his eyes and looks at them before closing them again with a tiny smile.

"What?" Sander says, surprised. "Not even a joke or a dubious hint? Shit, he's really sick. I think I'll call for help now."

Robbe chuckles as he retreats to be stuck against Sander.

"Thanks, my love."

Sander kisses him on the neck and hugs him.

"Good night, baby, I love you."

Sander holds him in his arms, but he is the first to fall asleep. And out of nowhere, the song that Shakira had covered and that Milan made him listen to on repeat for two weeks comes back to him.

_"Moi, je n'étais rien et voilà qu'aujourd'hui je suis le gardien du sommeil de ses nuits. Je l'aime a mourir." (Me, I was nothing and here today I'm the guardian of his night's sleep.I love him to death.)_

Robbe smiles, closing his eyes because it's true and above all it's reciprocal. Robbe sleeps really well, even if he wakes up several times to see if Milan isn't burning again.

When his alarm wakes him up, he yawns and then opens his eyes. He sleeps with his head on Milan's chest, Sander's arm around his waist, and his legs totally tangled with his own.

Milan yawns and Robbe touches his forehead, happy to see who hasn't had a temperature since last night.

"Oh...a threesome just for me? Okay, I'm in."

Sander laughs as he steps back and Robbe sits down, pushing his hair back on his head.

"I can see you're getting better. But no, sorry, no threesome."

Milan pretends to be disappointed and that makes Sander laugh.

"Robbe isn't a lender."

Robbe raises an eyebrow looking at him, but instead of pointing out who isn't a lender either, he takes on an evil smile.

"Oh yes. With Jens I would."

Milan starts to giggle at Sander's decomposed face but stops, holding his belly.

"Jens?" asks Sander "Really?"

Robbe laughs, shaking his head.

"No, silly, not really."

Sander gives him a look of ember but Robbe smiles at him. Milan puts his hand on his forearm and smiles at him before looking at Sander.

"Thank you two for staying with me. Would you accompany me to my shower too?"

Robbe sighs shaking his head and Milan smiles.

"I would have been a fool not to try. Two cute guys just for me."

Robbe laughs as he gets out of bed.

"When I lifted up your shirt to look at your bandage, you said you didn't want to sleep with me because I was your baby."

"Hey!" Moans Sander "That's my baby!"

Milan smiles at him because he can see that Sander isn't really angry and then seems to think.

"I think I also said you're my little brother, didn't I? And we didn't talk about..."

Milan stops frowning and Robbe smiles at him.

"Don't worry, we can talk about it when you get better, if you feel like it. Come on, come and eat a little, you need to get your strength back."

Milan shakes his head before running his hand through his hair.

"It's a very distant story, I don't want to talk about it again."

Robbe looks at him, smiles and nods.

"Okay. I just hope that one day you'll leave this very distant story in the past then. Come on, let's eat."

Sander smiles as he gets out of bed and comes to kiss him.

"I'll take Bowie for a walk and grab some croissants."

Milan claps his hands as he sits down a little more.

"Croissants? But that's even better than this threesome story."

Robbe rolls his eyes but smiles because it's clear that Milan is better.

"I think I'm going to keep you here. I've missed you guys."


	30. We'll be in my old room.

_Friday, January 29th, 6:25 pm_

Robbe gently knocks on the door of the Milan room before opening it.

Milan watches a series on his computer and smiles at him. It's crazy how he seems to get better every hour.

"How are you doing?"

Milan sits down a bit more and shuts his computer down.

"I told you I'm fine. Stop worrying. And don't say you're not, it shows on your face. I don't want to be responsible for your wrinkles. If you want, I have some cream to lend you for that."

Robbe rolls his eyes, touching the skin on his forehead and then shaking his head.

"I'm not wrinkled."

Milan laughs and nods.

"It's just that you have to apply cream before it appears, otherwise it's too late."

Robbe sighs and shakes his head.

"I don't need anti-wrinkle cream, I just wanted to know how you are. I'll make walk with Bowie before dinner."

Milan gets out of bed and Robbe turns around not wanting to see him half-naked.

"I'm really glad you're here, but I think you're going to be able to go to your home. I assure you I'm fine."

Robbe smiles as he passes him his dressing gown hanging behind his door.

"We thought we'd stay here until Sunday. Now that we're here, we might as well spend the weekend together, right?"

Robbe's almost surprised at the lack of response, but as he prepares to turn around, Milan's arms clasp his chest.

"Thanks Robbe. My pleasure. Let's get drunk, put on makeup and watch movies with a beautiful love story between handsome guys?"

Robbe sighs as he moves away from his arms. 

"What? No!"

"Okay for the movies!" Sander yells, at the other end of the corridor "For the make-up too. But no alcohol."

Milan applauds and disappears into his bathroom.

"I'm going to make you beauty queens."

"I don't wear makeup." Robbe grunts as he crosses the corridor "No way."

He hears Sander laughing in his old room and rolls his eyes as he grabs Bowie's leash.

"Bowie! Walk!"

A beige rocket crosses the corridor before coming to bark at his feet.

What he didn't expect when he came back 20 minutes later was to find Milan and Sander in the living room discussing gay movies.

"Except that for someone like me who's not gay, I find there's a serious lack of films that suit me. It's hard to grow up with a self-image that you don't see anywhere, neither in cartoons nor in movies.''

It's a discussion he and Sander have already had and it's true that Robbe finds it rather sad that Sander never identifies with the characters in the films. Before he talked about it, he would have really thought that he could identify with everyone, whether the guy is with a girl or a guy, but in fact what's complicated is that Sander doesn't identify the other as a man or a woman, but as a person. 

"I would have liked to have seen a movie where someone falls in love with the other person, no matter how they look. When I was about fifteen I think it would have been reassuring to see that there are other people like me. But for non-binary people it must be even harder."

Milan claps his hands as he stands up and Robbe enters the living room to come and sit next to Sander who smiles at him but he stops in the middle of the living room.

"Don't you like it?"

Sander has eye liner. Maybe he has foundation or whatever weird thing Milan might have put on his skin, but all Robbe sees are his eyes. The black lines give him a more intense look.

"Robbe?"

Robbe blinks twice and goes to sit on his lap, taking advantage of the fact that Milan has left the salon, before kissing him.

"I love it! You're so fucking hot."

His hands slip under Sander's shirt without him even noticing.

"So Mister-I-don't-like-make-up, I see you like my work."

Robbe pulls his hands out and steps back to watch Milan with a DVD in his hand.

"I appreciate the model."

Milan smiles and hands the DVD to Sander.

"It's the story of a guy. Well no, it's not really a guy. It's more like an entity. In fact, every night he changes his body. Sometimes he's a guy, sometimes he's a girl and he's walking around like that with his body again without finding a way to stop it. Until he meets a girl who falls in love with they, no matter what they looks like. I think you'd like it."

Sander nods and Robbe takes the DVD to read the synopsis.

"Shall we make croques?"

Robbe nods and the three of them meet in the kitchen to prepare the snacks before settling down in front of the film.

"It's really weird." Robbe says after a few minutes, "It's scientifically impossible."

Sander raises an eyebrow as he looks at him, hugging him a little more.

"It's a bit like your theory of parallel universes. I'm sure it's possible."

Robbe nestles a little more against him, finishing his croques and then looks at Milan sitting next to Sander. He smiles and makes lots of comments so it's clear he's really getting better.

They both seem to be absorbed by the film so Robbe turns to the screen to try to follow, but it's really difficult as the main character changes his appearance all the time.

And yet, he's the one who screams at the end of the movie because he really thought it would end well.

"What! Why is he doing that?"

Sander gently caresses his arm while kissing his temple.

"Sometimes when you love someone, their happiness is more important than yours."

Robbe frowns as he shakes his head.

"It sucks! He took the easy way out. Sometimes it's hard but that's not why you have to give up. It's too easy to say _"I know she'll be happier without me so I'm leaving"_. I hate it!"

Robbe gets up and smiles as he looks at Milan who has fallen asleep.

"Go, big baby, go to your room."

Milan yawns and nods and lets Robbe guide him.

"If you sleep with me tonight, I thought I'd say yes to the threesome."

Robbe rolls his eyes and opens the door to Milan's room.

"We'll be in my old room. Call us if you need anything."

Milan taps him gently on the shoulder before disappearing into his room and Sander wraps his arms around him.

"Are you ok? You looked upset."

Robbe sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

"No, I'm fine, it's just a movie. But I didn't think he was going to leave. I don't like it when people leave, especially when they say they're doing it for your own good."

Sander kisses him on the neck and then on the cheek, and then turns him around so he can kiss him properly.

"You know I wouldn't leave, right?"

Robbe nods and drags him back to his old room.

"I know. That movie sucked, I prefer Love, Simon. Come on, give me a hug, beautie."

Sander smiles and slams the door with his foot before looking around.

"We have so many good memories in this room and especially in that bed, it almost feels weird to be here tonight."

Robbe lies down on the bed before turning around, taking a sexy pose before looking at him.

"Too weird for you to want to join me?"

Sander laughs and shakes his head.

"Definitely not. Very pleasantly weird."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie is called Every day. It is taken from a book and I loved this book!
> 
> Being pansexual, I find that there is a serious lack of films with pan characters. Usually he's straight and then gay, but the message "you can be both" is not often put forward. 👭👫👬 (Ok it's not really both, but I'm sure you understand 😉)  
> Maybe it's for that, that I love Skam so much....🤭Anyway, that was my thought of the day 🤪😜


	31. I'm the guru the more happiest of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for yesterday, 24h it's not enough for a day 😄

  
_Saturday, January 30, 8:20 am_

Robbe looks at Sander who's sleeping peacefully and slowly gets out of bed without waking him up. Even Bowie doesn't move, lying all the way down against Sander. Robbe grabs some clean clothes and goes to the bathroom.

It's both weird and nice to be here, that it makes him feel at home when he knows it's not really the case.

Since Sander and Bowie always sleeps peacefully when he gets out of the shower, he puts his stuff right next to the door of his old bedroom before heading into the kitchen. He stops when he hears a noise in Milan's room and knocks gently at his door.

''You can come in, I'm decent.''

Robbe smiles and pushes the door. Milan looks much better now. There he looks at something on his computer and beckons Robbe to come and join him.

''Come and see, look! I missed that! Look!"

Robbe sits on the bed next to him and looks at the computer, but frankly apart from a dark video he doesn't see much.

''What am I supposed to see?''

Milan widens his eyes as if he doesn't understand that Robbe is asking the question.

''Look! This is Louis Tomlinson arriving at Harry Styles's hotel while he was in Chile. Larry is real and it's one proof one more!"

Robbe sighs as he looks at Milan.

''You're not going to start that again, are you? Oh Milan, don't tell me you're still on that story. Okay, I'm gonna go make myself some coffee. Want some?"

Milan nods and Robbe rushes out of his bedroom before it's time to tell him about his many theories on this claims secret love story between the two members of One direction.

He smiles as he enters the kitchen, because even though Milan is almost obsessed with this story, it's good to see that he never changes.

"Still,'' says Milan as he enters just behind him. "I don't understand why it's so secret. Harry Styles is already made his coming out, he has no toxic masculinity in his beautiful body, and we still don't know what happened between the two of them."

Robbe pulls out two cups without answering because he doesn't want to throw Milan on the subject but this one gives him an elbow.

''What do you want me to say? Maybe nothing happened and they're just friends."

Milan looks up to the sky and sighs.

''Are you kidding, I hope? Have you seen the videos? All their glances in the corner? Their light touches? All the times the other members of the group laughed at sexual innuendoes? Their tattoos? And I'm not even talking about the lyrics to their songs? There are clues everywhere."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles, reaching for his cup in Milan.

''Maybe they want to keep it to themselves. What do you want me to say? I don't know. Send them a DM and ask them."

Robbe looks at Milan smiling and sighs.

''Did you do it? Oh my God, did you do it?''

Milan shakes his head and laughs.

''No, of course not. I hesitated. It's just that I think it's a crazy story. I wonder why they hid it. I'm sure it's because of the management team. But I don't understand why now Harry's not saying anything. He's openly dating guys, he's posed in dresses for magazines, he's a total diva, and he's not saying anything. Louis keeps saying that there never was anything, but just the way he looks at him, you know there's something there.''

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''Maybe Harry loves him and that's why he doesn't say anything. Maybe it's Louis who's not ready to go out the closet. Maybe he've his reasons. Oh, I hate talking about them as if we know them. Leave them alone, not everyone has their own personal guru to help them."

Milan smiles as he bites into his bun.

''Yeah, and I've still got some work to do with you if I want you to get rid of all your toxic masculinity.''

Robbe stops eating, almost shocked, and looks at Milan, but it's clear he's not laughing at all.

''What?"

Milan nods, wrinkling his face a little.

''You heard me well. What was that _''I don't wear makeup, no way?''_.''

Robbe sighs and takes a sip of coffee with a shrug.

''It's not toxic masculinity, as you say, it's just that I don't need or want to wear makeup.''

''Why?''

Robbe shrugs.

''I don't know, I just don't feel like it.''

"Because you think it's for girls!"

It's not a question, but an affirmation, so Robbe doesn't answer right away, wanting to think, but apparently his silence speaks for itself.

"You see! That's what I was talking about. That you don't want to do it because you don't want to, I understand. But in your head you're thinking "because it's a girl thing," that's lame. Did you think Sander looked like a girl last night?"

Robbe looks up at the sky and shakes his head.

"No, not at all. Sander was downright handsome, which gives him an air of mystery. But I couldn't do it. I'm not saying that I want to put make-up on, but I already know that if I do, I'll look like a girl. Damn Milan, look at my hair or my earring, you can't tell I'm full of toxic masculinity. Stop your bullshits, I changed."

Milan shakes his head slightly as he puts his hand on his knee.

"I didn't say that, but there's still some left. Come on, let your guru do it and I swear you'll see that it's not much after all. You have to stop with all your silly principles. Everything that is beautiful is not only for women. Neither the dresses nor the skirts nor the varnish nor the make-up. If you take each one of these examples independently and you look in the history you will realize that before men take away without that it takes away from their masculinity. And it is the same thing for the tights or the wigs."

Robbe thinks quickly, but he's forced to admit that Milan is right.

"It's all just a question of society and social norms. So fuck standards. You want to give it a try? Come on, let's surprise Sander. I swear he'll take you back to the room afterwards and you'll thank me."

Robbe looks at Milan, hesitant, then nods gently.

"Ok, but you do it quickly and if I don't like it I'll take off my make-up and we won't even talk to Sander about it. Is that okay? I just want you to see that I'm not filled with toxic masculinity or internal homophobia or whatever ugly thing you're thinking about, ok?"

Milan claps his hands, visibly happy, and pulls him into the living room before returning with his make-up case.

"Light, okay? Oh no, I can't believe I'm letting you do this."

Milan laughs, putting some kind of cold cream all over it.

"Now stop moving around and let the artist do it."

"I'm normally the artist. But for now, okay, I'm letting you do it."

Robbe turns around and sighs to see Sander, who's leaning against the door frame.

"Hi baby. While Milan takes care of you, I'm going to take a shower."

Sander comes to kiss him and then is pushed by Milan who tells him not to spoil his work when he has clearly done nothing yet.

Sander just comes out of the bathroom when Milan announces that he's finished. Robbe hurries to grab the mirror on the couch, but Sander grabs his chin to look at it. Milan whistles because Sander only has his towel tied around his waist, but all Robbe cares about is seeing his boyfriend's reaction.

"Wow. Way to go Milan. I didn't think I could find him any more beautiful than he already is because he's clearly amazing, but now, with the way you bring out his eyes...if he smiles I think I'm going to have a heart attack."

Robbe smiles and Sander pretends to hold his heart as he falls to the floor. Except that in the middle of his dramatic performance, he steps on his towel and finds himself lying on the living room floor, laughing his head off.

He closes his towel, laughing, and gets up pointing to the hallway.

"I'm going to go and get dressed, I think it will be better. Will you come help me, baby?"

Robbe nods, his cheeks are definitely redder than Sander's, while Milan is stunned.

"Ok. That was...wow...Okay, before you ruin it, Robbe tell me what you think."

Robbe finally looks in the mirror and smiles. He doesn't really look any different than he usually does, it's just as if he's brighter than all the attention on his face is directed to his eyes.

"It's pretty. I like it. Yeah, it's nice. Thanks. Are you happy?"

"I'm the guru the more happiest of the world. Thanks, Robbe. You make my day."

Sander looks at him again with a smile before he kisses him on the neck and then looks at Milan.

"Thank you Milan, he's amazing."

Milan smiles and winks.

"Thank you for the show. You should put on pants that show off your cute little bouncy ass."

Robbe hits him on the forearm and Milan gives a surprised shout while Sander starts laughing.

''What? Okay, I'm going to take a shower. Have fun."

Milan disappears into the hallway and Sander comes and sits on Robbe's lap, peppering his neck and then his cheeks with kissing before finding his mouth.

''You are so beautiful. I love you."

Robbe caresses his torso letting his hands slide down to his boyfriend's ass.

"I love you too."

He slaps his ass, a big smile on his face before looking into his eyes, making Sander growl with excitement.

''I want you to make love to me here, Robin, now."

Robbe looks around, cheeks red and shakes his head but Sander unbuttoned his pants to pull out his already hard cock that he strokes while kissing him.

"If Milan come back" whispers Robbe before letting himself be kissed on the neck.

''He won't come back.'' Whisper Sander before putting his tongue in his mouth.

Sander grabs Robbe's fingers and licks them before letting his hand go to his ass. Robbe pushes one and then two fingers inside Sander, feeling bad about doing it here, but feeling an enormous excitement that makes him want to continue. And Sander moaning in his ear doesn't help him reason at all.

"Do you want?"

Robbe nods before he has even integrated the question. Anyway, he's too excited to say no, and above all, he really wants to. Sander lifts his towel slightly but keeps it around his waist before guiding Robbe's cock inside him without ever stopping looking at him. Robbe lets him do it, kissing him gently in the neck not coming back from doing it here.

"By the way, do you think I can wet my band-aid now?" Milan asks as he returns to the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise 😜 see you tomorrow for the Milan'reaction...what do you think?


	32. You can't live in the fear.

"By the way, do you think I can wet my bandage now?" asked Milan on his way back to the salon.

Robbe closes his eyes, wanting to disappear. Or at least wanting to make Milan disappear.

''Robbe, are you okay? You look downright red. Shit, you're not having an allergic reaction to the makeup, are you?"

What already seemed horrible is finally even worse because Milan comes up to him to take a closer look. And that's when Robbe understands: because, or rather thanks to Sander's towel, he can't see what they're doing. In fact he just has to believe that Sander is sitting on his thighs.

''No, that's fine. Everything it's fine. I'm just hot."

Robbe feels really stupid for saying that because Sander squeezes his cock in response.

''Yeah, it's really hot here.'' Says Sander, pinching his lower lip, a big smile coming off his lips anyway.

Milan looks at them as if he has to understand something and then shrugs his shoulders and walks back to his bedroom. Sander laughs, moving on his cock up and down, making Robbe moan while biting his earlobe.

''You're a naughty guy''.

Robbe's very close, feeling like he's going to come right away, but Sander stops, because Milan is coming back into the living room.

''So, what do you think about my bandage?''

Robbe nods quickly.

''Yes, the nurse has left enough to make another one. Go take your shower and then I coming."

Robbe clears his throat.

''I'll come.'' 

Sander winks at him and moves slightly. Probably not enough for Milan to see him, but enough to make him lose his mind. 

''I'll help you make a clean bandage.''

Milan frowns and looks at them in turn.

''You're weird, Robbe. Is it because of something we talked about this morning?"

Robbe shakes his head and closes his eyes because Sander moves just to piss him off. He gives him a black look but Sander smiles back at him, with a perfectly evangelical, perfectly normal look.

"No, I'm fine."

''Are you sure? I didn't want to offend you or make you feel bad about what I said."

Robbe shakes his head, having a really hard time holding back from moving.

''I feel good.''

''I feel you good, too.'' Whispers Sander.

Robbe opens his eyes widens and Sander starts laughing.

''Okay, so if everything is fine I'm going to take a shower.''

"Go!" shouts Robbe before pinching his lips. "Sorry. Go ahead, don't worry about us."

Milan frowns but finally leaves and Robbe finally moves, maybe too quickly because he pulls a huge moan out of Sander's mouth.

''Am I dreaming or are you fucking in my living room?''

Sander bites his lower lip and Robbe starts again, more gently, holding him tight.

''Of course you are dreaming. Go take your shower.''

Milan bursts out laughing and the bathroom door closes, but Robbe is too busy making love to Sander.

''You're the devil himself.''

Sander takes his cheeks and kisses him without stopping moving.

''You fuck the devil in your friends' living room. What does that make you?''

Robbe would like to continue playing their language game but he just can't talk anymore. He slips his hand between them to caress Sander who moans in his neck, obviously trying to contain his volume, but not really succeeding.

He frankly has no idea how long they stay like that making love. Sanderbites Robbe's shoulder when he comes and the pain acts as a trigger that makes him come instantly.

Sander does not move, wedging himself against his neck while he catches his breath.

"Are you okay?"

Robbe nods with a smile before kissing him.

''Yeah. That was hot. Really exciting."

Sander smiles and gets up, grabbing handkerchiefs in the process.

''Robbe, it's going to flow on the couch.''

Robbe cleans up just beforehand, happy not to leave a trace.

"Neither seen nor known."

"If you're finished, I'd like some help with my bandage." Shouts Milan from the other end of the apartment.

Robbe sighs and Sander chuckles imitating him.

"Neither seen nor known."

Robbe puts his boxers back on properly and closes his pants with a black look.

''Okay, I'm going to take Bowie for a walk. That'll give you two time to talk, I guess. Good luck, baby."

Sander walks into the bedroom, obviously in a very good mood and Robbe knocks gently to Milan's room.

''All right, no show here.''

Robbe sighs and pushes the door, his face decomposed.

''It's okay, I was kidding.'' Says Milan sitting down. "That's good. It's normal that you want to fuck anywhere and be surprised. It's okay, I did it there before you. The only place forbidden here is my room, okay?"

Robbe looks disgusted and makes Milan laugh.

"I wouldn't have had the idea of doing it in your room, Milan!"

Milan shrugs his shoulders and lengthens by lifting his shirt.

''Looks like it's better, doesn't it? I think it's better."

The bellybutton scar is no longer oozing, and it's much less red. The two points on his belly are really clean.

''Yeah, definitely. I'm going to give you a band-aid while waiting for the nurse this afternoon, but then I think you can leave it out in the open.''

Robbe cleans the different spots and redoes the bandage before picking up all the trash.

''Where do I throw this away?''

Milan looks at his belly and nods.

''You do it softer than the nurses. Thank you. Throw this in the kitchen garbage. You can put your stuff in there, you know. I won't tell if you fill the garbage can with condoms."

Robbe looks at him, amazed and frowning.

''We haven't used them for a long time.''

Milan stands still for a few seconds before lowering his shirt.

"What?"

Honestly, Robbe doesn't see what's so surprising since they've been together for more than a year with Sander.

''We don't use them anymore. We've been tested. It was mainly for Sander, but I did it out of solidarity."

Milan sits down a bit better and nods.

"When?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and thinks.

''After the first lockdown. Why?"

Milan looks at the door of his room, seeming to listen if Sander has come back but as this is not the case, he looks at Robbe.

''I know you're in love, and it's clear he's too. But have you ever talked about what would happen if one of you two crossed the line with someone else?''

Robbe sighs.

''Do you mean if he cheats on the other one? I wouldn't do that."

Milan puts his hand on his knee.

"I know."

Two words. They are only two words. _I know_. Two little words that at this moment take on enormous power and give the impression of being really violent.

''Sander wouldn't do it either!''

Milan smiles softly, tapping his knee.

''I know. But sometimes it goes fast. If he isn't feeling well, maybe''

Robbe shakes the head when getting out of bed.

''No. It's about trust, not love. I trust him and I know he not cheating on me. And I know if he does it, he will use a condom or that he will tell me so I don't get infected. But I know this is not going to happen. Why does that make you react like that?"

Milan gets up and sighs.

''Maybe because I've never having sex without it. It makes me feel weird knowing that you're doing it. I feel like you're putting yourself in danger."

Robbe smiles as he taps his shoulder.

''The only danger I take is having my heart broken, but any moment with Sander is worth it. You can't live in the fear.''

Milan sighs but follow him in the hallway. The door opens on Sander laughing, Bowie jumping next to him.

''We raced down the stairs. I won!"

Robbe laughs and comes to kiss him. When he turns around, Milan looks at them tenderly, leaning against the wall.

"I know you right, Robbe. Oh you have grown so much."

Robbe smiles and Sander kiss his cheek.

''Okay. What shall we do?" asks Sander, "Shall we play a board game?"

Milan nods with a smile and Robbe winks at him.

"Nobody cheats, right?"

Milan and Sander sigh at the same time and Robbe bursts out laughing.


	33. It's good to be home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who haven't read Wtfockdown 2.0, I decided that Sander and his family would meet up on video Sunday morning, with their croques. Here is a description of the family I made up for him :
> 
> Anne & Peter are the parents.  
> Lara is the eldest, she is 22 years old and has a son, Willem of 8 months (she lives in Antwerp).  
> Tobias is 20 years old, he lives in Paris.  
> Here, is Sander...we know him well.  
> Romi and Eefi are the twins, they are 12 years old.

_Sunday, January 31, 11:40 a.m._

"Your family is really cool, Sander. So funny. Specially the twins. Do you do this every Sunday?"

Sander nods and closes the computer.

"We're trying, yes. Every Sunday at 10.45 am with croques. I think the tradition has grown with the confinement because we can no longer really see each other."

Milan nods with a smile and Robbe finishes his croques.

"It was really nice. It's so cute how the baby cried when he saw Robbe."

Robbe sighs. He wouldn't say it's cute, he'd say it's heartbreaking.

"Willem loves Robbe. You should have seen how close they were when we're kept my nephew with Robbe's mother. I'm sure he's his favorite uncle."

Robbe frowns as he shakes his head.

"Don't say that."

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"I'm not jealous, it suits me."

Robbe sighs and puts his hand on his boyfriend's hand.

"Don't say that in front of your family. Tobias might not like it."

Sander laughs and shakes his head.

"He doesn't care. Because he loves you too. My parents have already said that. It's just the truth, Robin, that baby is totally crazy about you."

Sander looks at Milan and bends over to whisper as if he's telling him a secret.

"And it's totally reciprocal, Robbe loves this baby."

Robbe smiles and nods. He can't say it's not true. He snapped the second he saw him, when he went with Sander to meet him after he was born. He thought it was because he'd never seen a baby that small and maybe that's, but the bigger Willem gets, the better they get along. Every time they saw each other after the first lockdown, Willem just wanted to be in his arms and Robbe, although clumsy, was happy to hold him. And now that he's almost 9 months old, Robbe really hopes that things will get better soon because he would love to see him sit or crawl.

"You see, we lost him in his thoughts. I think that in about twenty years I will really have my little nephew in my sight as soon as he comes near my husband."

Robbe chokes on a sip of soda and Milan raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Is there something I don't know?"

Sander laughs, shaking his head.

"Not at the moment, but in twenty years I hope I would have put the ring on his finger."

Robbe smiles, gently caressing his hand and gets lost in his beautiful eyes.

"Okay. Good. That's all I wish you then. Oh, I'm going to be an uncle before I even think of it."

"That's clear." Confirms Sander by putting his arm around Robbe's shoulders, tilting his head against his own. "Too bad it's so hard for us. But yeah, in the Driesen family, family rhymes with laughter and cries, big mess and big hugs, silly nicknames and little touches. A happy mess. I guest it's same with all big family. Do you have brothers or sisters Milan?"

Milan nods his head and smiles.

"Yeah. I have one little brother but he doesn't talk to me anymore. We weren't really close so when I came out and things went bad with my parents, it just made it worse. We see each other the bare minimum and we stay polite, but we're not close. He's ashamed of me but that's his problem."

Robbe taps him gently on the shoulder and Milan smiled at him.

"And then I have Robbe and Zoe. Even though Zoe looks more like a mother than an older sister."

Robbe smiles and nods.

"Are you going to look for roommates?"

Milan raises his eyebrows smiling.

"Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. It feels good to be alone sometimes. I can walk around naked whenever I want."

"Don't be embarrassed for us." Says Sander before winking at him.

Robbe hits him on the upper arm while shaking his head.

"Don't give him the idea, he can do it!"

Milan nods and laughs what makes Sander laugh before looking at Robbe.

"Do you want that as a gift as a thank you? A Milan's show?"

Robbe smiles and shakes his head.

"No need for thanks, I'm glad I could help you. Are you sure you're going to be all right?"

Milan nods with a smile.

"Absolutely, don't worry. You could have left as early as Friday but it was nice to have a weekend with you two. And my new buddie, Bowie."

They spend the afternoon chatting and eating the muffins they made last night until it's time to leave. It's with a heavy heart that Robbe serves Milan in his arms. It's really hard to live in the same city, to be close geographically but not be able to see each other when you want to.

After picking up all their stuff and watching Milan says a dramatic heart-wrenching goodbye to Bowie, they go back home hand in hand.

Robbe unlocks the door of their apartment with a smile on his face, but he can't stop thinking about Milan being alone.

"I'm going to miss him." Says Sander as they put their bags in the hallway before strokes Iggy as he comes towards them, "It's good to see him. Milan is a breath of fresh air."

Robbe nods and then looks at Sander.

"Would you have preferred us to live with him?"

Sander stands up and looks at him with a worried face. 

"Would you have preferred us to move in with Milan? Would you prefer to live in the flatshare?"

Robbe shakes his head with a smile and caresses his cheek.

"No, I'm asking you. You seemed to be really happy this weekend."

Sander nods with a smile.

"I was really happy to be able to be with you. I really love Milan, I'm glad we get along so well, but I prefer to live only with you. Wouldn't you?"

Robbe kisses him before huddling up to him. 

"Yes, of course I do. I was just asking you."

Robbe hugs him and sighs with satisfaction.

"It's good to be home."

Sander nods but hug Robbe a little harder.

"You're my home."


	34. Let me make it up to you.

_Tuesday, February 2, 6:05 pm_

Robbe doesn't run, but he walks fast to avoid rain. He sighs when he pushes the door of their house because he's absolutely wet.

Sander's rummaging in the fridge, so he turns around and starts laughing.

"Wait, I'll get you a towel. You look like you just got out of the washing machine."

Sander tosses him a towel and come to dries his hair with another one.

"You have to take that off."

He takes his coat and takes it into the bathroom, probably to stretch it over the bathtub, and Robbe takes the opportunity to take off the rest of his clothes, before wrapping himself in a towel.

"What a shitty weather!"

Sander comes to take him in his arms and hugs him tightly, caressing his back.

"Are you cold?"

Robbe shakes his head and sighs.

"No. It was a shitty day. Jens wasn't there because his mother is a contact case, classes sucks, I've got the urge to blow this fucking mask off and the rain was the icing on the cake."

Robbe sighs and puts his arms around Sander's shoulders.

"Sorry, you had nothing to do with it. How was your day?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and kisses him on the neck.

"Normal."

Sander kisses him several times on the neck and then on the shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

Sander kisses his shoulder and then goes down to kiss his collarbone before kissing his skin right next to his collar.

"I'm helping you turn this shitty day into a good day."

Robbe sighs.

"I didn't know you were so pretentious."

Sander steps back, widening his eyes and Robbe immediately regrets saying that. It wasn't so much the words he used as the tone in which he said it.

"And I didn't know you were so mean."

Sander disappears into their main room and Robbe stays for two minutes, wrapped in his towel, in front of the front door, feeling horrible.

He joins Sander and wraps his arms around him before he reaches his desk.

"I'm sorry. I really suck. Sorry."

He kisses him on the neck but Sander sighs and pushes him away.

"I just wanted to make you feel better, you can just say no if you don't want to."

Robbe sits against his back again and kisses him on the neck.

"But I want to. I really want. Sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. Let me make it up to you."

Sander lets himself go slightly backwards against him, forcing Robbe to support him.

"And how do you plan to do that?"

Robbe kisses him gently on the neck, punctuating every word with a kiss.

"I'm sorry. I love you so much. Tell me what you want."

Sander pulls away from him and turns around. He quickly pulls Robbe's towel and tosses it behind him before pushing him onto the bed where Robbe lies down, up to the headboard. Sander peppers his body with kisses up to his lips and then pulls on the blanket so that they both slide underneath.

"I just want to take care of you. I've missed you."

Robbe feels even more bad. Sander had to wait for him to come home, already thinking about all the things he was going to do to him and he ruined everything.

"It's ok, Robin, just enjoy it. I love you, even when you're grumpy."

Sander bites the base of his neck, probably leaving a conspicuous mark on the base of his neck before he goes down to lick his nipples while slipping his hand over his dick to gently caress it.

"Sorry...I love...oh yeah..."

Sander licks him up to his belly button which he kisses and then goes down to suck him, letting his hand slide down to his ass.

After a few minutes, Robbe straightens up and pulls him towards him to come and kiss him, taking advantage of the opportunity to open his pants and slip his hand into his boxer shorts.

"I want you."

Sander moans in the kiss and moves in his hand with the same rhythm he would take if he was inside him and it's really exciting.

"Come on. Please come."

Sander gets rid of his clothes and grabs the lubricant before he puts his fingers back into him.

"No. I want you."

Sander smiles and puts his forehead against his own.

"Soon. I love that you can't wait."

Sander grabs his chain and pulls it lightly with a grunt of excitement and Robbe knows that he is as impatient as he is. Robbe smiles at him and Sander bites his lips.

"You know I can't resist your smile."

He runs his hand through his hair and messes it up, but the result seems to suit him because his breathing is quickening.

"You're so beautiful."

Robbe kisses him while Sander removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock. The problem when he gets too excited is that he wants to go too fast, so Robbe stretches out slightly and puts one hand on his chest to signal him to go slower.

Sander kisses him on his cheeks and his neck without moving.

"Sorry."

Robbe slides his hands on his back and gently guides him, scratching his nails on his skin just because he knows it drives Sander totally crazy.

Bowie jumps on the bed, right next to their heads and it makes Sander jump.

"Bowie, no. Leave us alone."

Sander pushes him gently without stopping moving, but Bowie doesn't seem to understand that he's too much in this bed.

"Bowie! Kitchen!" Robbe orders.

Bowie jumps out of bed and disappears into the kitchen while Robbe takes a big smile.

"All you have to do is order."

Sander takes an evil smile and nods.

"On all fours. Now!"

Robbe smiles and immediately turns around, moaning the loss of Sander, then moaning when he comes back inside.

"Oh damn it, Sander, yes..."

Sander presses lightly on his back so that he digs it out and comes when Robbe does. He comes grumbling, almost whining.

"Shit no. Oh fuck, that was so good. Sorry."

Robbe turns around and pulls him towards him so he can kiss him but Sander gently pushes him away and comes down to take his dick in his mouth. Robbe slides one hand through his hair, pulling it slightly and comes in just a few minutes later.

He lets go of Sander's hair and Sander continues to suck him gently and closes his eyes, concentrating on the soft sensation of Sander's tongue and lips around him.

The sensation changes but Robbe doesn't realize it right away. At least he can't tell when it has changed, but when he looks at Sander he has his eyes closed and seems to fall asleep sucking his cock. It hasn't happened since his last episode, but Robbe can't say that it bothers him, so he closes his eyes while gently caressing his back.

So as not to think back to that shitty day, he focuses on the regularity of Sander's sucking and all the sensations it sends inside his body, and finally he smiles because he feels good.

He looks at Sander who has fallen asleep and sighs, feeling horrible, and incredibly lucky at the same time. Sometimes he wonders what will happen if one day they are not well at the same time. For now, when Robbe's not well, Sander's always there for him, and vice versa, but he can't help but think that maybe one day they won't be well at the same time.

Robbe sighs as he closes his eyes and prefers to let sleep take him away rather than think about it.  



	35. Do you want to talk to me?

_Tuesday, February 2, 7:40 pm_

Robbe looks at Sander who yawns without opening his eyes and gently caresses his neck.

"Hello my love. Are you fine?"

Sander smiles and nods as he stretches.

"Of course I'm fine. And you?"

Robbe shrugs. He's been awake for about ten minutes and that's just enough time for him to think about what happened tonight.

"Something happen at school?" Sander asks by stroking his cheek "Do you want to talk about it?"

Robbe shakes his head, intertwining his fingers before Sander's fingers. 

"No. It was just a shitty day and I was in a bad mood. It happens, everybody have bad days sometimes, that's not what worries me."

Sander sits slightly against the headboard, so Robbe imitates him.

"What are you worried about?"

Robbe sighs, shaking Sander's hand a little harder.

"Have you been waiting for me for a long time today?"

Sander looks surprised and shakes his head.

"No. I hadn't seen the time in front of me. I was looking for something to eat for a snack. I thought it was much earlier than that until you came home."

Robbe smiled before he kissed him. Sander's the only guy their age that he knows who still has a snack, after school, like a kids.

"Why do you want to know that?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders.

"You looked as if you had waited for me. I feel like we're getting really fusional. But not fusional cute, more like fusional dependent. And that scares me."

Sander scratches his head before he rubs his hands together.

"It's because I came to Milan? I'm sorry, I missed you too much. Besides, I don't like living alone. I grew up in a house that was always full of noise and even though it may seem painful and sometimes I need to be quiet, I find it very reassuring. And being here alone was super scary. And then Milan wasn't well and I wanted to help you. I'm so sorry. I know I'm sticky."

Robbe puts his arm around his shoulders and kisses him on the temple.

"No. You're not sticky. It's not like that at all. But since we're together all the time because of the lockdown, I feel like we feel bad when we're not together and I don't like that. It's not healthy."

Sander nods and strokes his cheek.

"Is that why you were in a bad mood today? Because we haven't seen each other all day?"

Robbe shakes his head. 

"No. It started because I was late, then I found out that Jens wasn't there and that he hadn't even warned me. And then the math teacher put in a surprise assignment that I'm pretty sure I missed. The gym teacher said it was a godsend that the hairdressers reopened their doors because I needed to go, so I told him to fuck off and he sent me to the principal's office. And when I came out it was raining and I went in there soaking wet. Just a shitty day."

Sander runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head.

"That teacher is a jerk. You're beautiful. If it bothers you in gym class you could hang them in a bun, but that's up to you, not him. I want to kill him."

Sander shifts slightly and grabs his hair to gather it over his head for made a bun and smiles.

"Yeah, you look beautiful. Okay, frankly, I don't want to sound awful when I say this but I had a really good day today. I finished three projects, one of which is due in a week and I got a really nice email from my visual arts teacher. Adam and I got congratulations for our group project. I didn't want to tell you that when you asked me, because I could see you're bad, but I had a really good day."

Robbe smiles and bends over to kiss him.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm imagining too much. Sorry."

Sander strokes his cheek and smiles.

"Never apologize if you need to talk about our relationship. I like that. We need to be able to talk about everything. Do you want to talk to me about something else?"

Robbe nods and looks at his hands.

"Okay. I often ask myself a question, actually. But I know you don't have the answer either because it never happened."

Sander gently pulls his chin so that Robbe looks at him and he smiles tenderly at him, playing with his hair.

"Tell me what's going on in your head, baby, I can't guess. At least not all the time."

Sander kisses him, as if to encourage him and Robbe look at Iggy, next to him then look at Sander.

"Sometimes I wonder what will happen if we're not well at the same time. Because look at a day like today, I felt bad and you've made me feel better and that's what I try to do for you when you're not well. But If we both screw up at the same time, who's going to catch up with the other one?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. Maybe we'll fall down together and both of us will get up again. Maybe we'll wait until we both get better in our own corners and we're meeting after. Maybe it's just never going to happen. We'll see, baby. Where's your minute-by-minute?"

Robbe shrugs and Sander smiles as he pulls him into his arms.

"Today I'm in great shape and happy. You're grumpy and you have every right to be. Since I love you, I'm going to try to make you think about something other than your crappy day. I don't want to be pretentious and pretend that I can make you happy on my own, but I can try to brighten up your evening."

Robbe nods and locks himself up against it.

"You've done it before. I love when we talk like this. Thanks."

Sander strokes his back before kissing him.

"Now I've got good news for you, we have to take Bowie for a walk before he pees all over the place. Let's rock, paper, scissors it? The winner prepares dinner, the loser takes an umbrella. Deal?"

Robbe looks at the rain outside and smiles, happy that Sander doesn't propose to take Bowie out just to pamper him.

"Deal."


	36. I'm tired of being inside.

_Thursday, February 4th 12:05 pm_

"It's ready!"

Robbe closes his computer and joins Sander in the kitchen.

"It smells great."

Sander stirs some sauce in a pan and then shows Robbe the wooden spoon so he can taste it.

Of course Robbe burns his lips, almost as he does every time, but he nods in agreement by licking the sauce in the corner of his mouth.

"Delicious. New recipe?"

Sander grabs his phone, still open on a cooking blog page, and nods.

"Yeah. I wanted to make pasta with a Bolognese sauce but we didn't have minced meat. So I looked at what I could do and that was it. Tuna pasta à la Sander."

Robbe frowns as he looks at the sauce.

"Tuna? Oh babe, you know I don't like that."

Sander looks at him, seemingly hesitating to decide whether Robbe's making fun of him or not, but as Robbe looks at the sauce with a desperate look on his face, he sighs.

"You just said you like it!"

Robbe looks at the sauce while pouting.

"There shouldn't be tuna in what I just tasted. But don't worry, I'm not very hungry anyway."

Sander blinks then shakes his head.

"Robbe Ijzermans, you're a baby! I love you, but right now you look like a baby. And not in a good way."

Sander takes out two plates and puts them on the table before dripping the pasta.

"I have the right to dislike something, don't I?"

Robbe puts the cutlery, bread and water on while watching Sander filling the plates.

"You don't like cold tuna, but you could let yourself like hot tuna. If I hadn't told you it was tuna you would have loved it. You are impossible."

Robbe frowns and grabs Sander's shoulders, forcing him to stop and look at him.

"Are we really arguing about the tuna here?"

Sander sighs and shakes his head.

"No, we are arguing because you are acting in bad faith."

Sander sighs again before smiling.

"And because I'm on my nerves. I'm sorry."

Robbe takes him in his arms, kisses him on the forehead before sitting down at the table. He takes a spoonful of sauce and pours it on his plate with a smile.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm going to taste that. Thank you for cooking, my love."

Sander smiles back at him but Robbe sees that his smile isn't totally there.

"Do you want to talk about something?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and thinks while he caress Bowie who rubs himself against his leg before going to bark at the front door.

"I'm like Bowie, I'm tired of being inside."

Sander looks at Robbe, takes his hand and smiles.

"It's nothing to do with you, I love that we're both in the middle of this mess. But I'm tired of not really being able to go out and forget about all this shit. As soon as we go out we have to have our masks on and respect the measurements and all that, and even though I know it's fundamental I'd like to just get away from it all just to get away for a little bit and not necessarily think about it all day. I know it's the same for everyone, but this virus and this situation really weighs on me. We don't see the end. I just want to get away from it all for a day.."

Robbe nods, caressing his hand.

"Okay. Let's do this. You're right, it'll be good for both of us unless you'd rather go it alone."

Sander shakes his head immediately, and Robbe's really happy that he doesn't feel the need to think about it.

"No, with you of course. But where do you want to go?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and grabs his fork to eat. 

"We could go to the beach, couldn't we? It shouldn't be too crowded, maybe there will be no one. We could be just the two of us. No masks, no safe distance. Just us, free."

Sander finishes his bite and smiles.

"That would be great. This weekend?"

Robbe looks at him smiling and takes two spoons of sauce.

"You were right, it's really good. Sorry about earlier. I think you're right, going out and getting some fresh air for more than a day will really do us good. Saturday I have to work on biology with Yasmina, but we can go on Sunday, right?"

Sander takes out his phone and sighs.

"Shit, they say it's going to snow this weekend. Look at the temperatures, it's way too cold. The universe laughing of us."

Robbe takes the phone and puts it back on the table.

"What's the big deal? At least we know that we'll have to cover ourselves well, and that way we're sure there won't be anyone else. We can even made some fire to keep us warm."

Sander hesitates, which makes Robbe smile. He knows that his boyfriend doesn't like the cold, but he is convinced that spending a day outside will do them both a lot of good. It's true that they get angry quickly these days.

"I'll keep you warm."

Sander laughs and nods.

"Ok. Let's do it on Sunday."

Robbe slips his fingers between Sander's fingers and bends over the table so he can kiss him.

"It's a date."

They both laughs and smiles like two idiots and that's probably when Robbe realizes that they haven't had a scheduled date for a really long time. It might sound silly since they live together, but Robbe's already excited about this date.

And he swears to himself that as soon as life gets back to normal and they are allowed to go out again, he will invite Sander to go out with him. A real date, like a movie, a restaurant and moonlight kisses.

But for the moment, he can't wait Sunday, and just the prospect of dating Sander is enough to give him butterflies in his belly.


	37. You must be baptized

_Sunday, February 7, 9:35 am_

''Robbe, we're only leaving for a few hours. Looks like you're planning to sleep there."

Robbe laughs as he closes the bag and hands it to Sander.

"I'm sure you're going to end up telling me you're cold. I just want to have enough blankets to cuddle you at the water's edge."

Robbe looks at the hiking bag he picked up yesterday from his mother's house, looks like it's ready to explode and nods.

"Yeah, it's okay. I'm ready to go."

He puts on his ski pants and grabs his coat, feeling almost over-equipped for the day, but Sander said he wouldn't want to go out with him if he wasn't dressed up enough, for fear he might catch cold, so Robbe got all his winter stuff back with his bag. The big advantage of having almost the same size as his boyfriend is that he can lend him his clothes. He looks at Sander who takes off his coat, puts a sweater over his sweater and puts his coat back on.

"You're going to the North Pole? I'm sure it's not that cold."

Sander closes his coat and puts on his gloves before putting two extra pairs in the bag.

"I want to make the most of this day and I won't do it if I'm cold. All right, I'm ready."

Robbe grabs their beanies and puts Sander's on his head.

"Ready to face the cold?"

Sander grabs the coat they bought yesterday for Bowie and the little slippers so he doesn't damage his paws.

"Are you sure he won't be too cold?"

Robbe grabs the transport basket they bought and the two blankets.

"But no, he doesn't. And then he can get warm in his basket. He will enjoy the fresh air too. He's a dog, Sander, he can go outside."

Sander takes him and puts him in the basket.

"He's so small. He's still a baby."

Robbe caresses Bowie and licks his hand.

"That's why he has a coat. Do you want to leave it here?"

Sander looks at him and shakes his head.

"No, you're right, it'll do him good to get out in the fresh air."

Robbe grabs his guitar, puts it on his back and smiles.

"I'm ready!"

Sander looks at the case and frowns.

"Did you bring your guitar?"

Robbe takes Bowie's basket and puts it on his shoulder and holds out the bag with their meal, enough to light a fire and blankets to Sander.

"Yeah. I have a date today, I want to be able to serenade him. The beach, the campfire, the man of my life, it's just perfect for playing."

Sander kisses him and then puts the bag on his back. They cross the city hand in hand and take the bus before having to walk a few more kilometers, but it's really worth it because seeing the beach dressed in his white coat is a complete change of scenery. The snow that crunches under their feet, the white trees and the water turned into ice make them feel like they've gone on vacation. And this landscape is downright soothing.

"It's beautiful."

Sander nods with a smile and Robbe lets go of his hand to take Bowie out. He puts him down in the snow and the puppy starts jumping, playing with the flakes that fly around him at every jump, while barking.

"I think he likes it too."

Robbe takes Sander's hand in his and they walk for a while to get closer to the water.

"Didn't you put skates in your bag, Marry Poppins? We could have gone ice skating."

Robbe throws a piece of wood over the cracking water.

"I don't think so."

He has no time to react as Bowie jumps on the frozen water and runs to the stick. But he does have time to catch Sander just in time before he tries to reach Bowie.

"Stop! The ice is too thin. Bowie! Come on!"

Bowie pulls the stick with his mouth and jumps back towards them, but the ice cracks all around him.

"Bowie! Run!"

Robbe grabs another stick and throws it behind them but Bowie doesn't even seem to see him and continues to walk quietly, pulling his stick out, the ice is breaking every step of the way.

Robbe lies down to catch him, Sander holding him by the coat. There are only a few centimeters left before he catches him when the ice breaks under the puppy.

Robbe bends over and grabs the stick just before Bowie sinks into the water. Luckily the puppy doesn't let go of his grip easily so Robbe pulls it up to him under Sander's screams.

Sander grabs the dog and hugs him hard before helping Robbe to get up. 

"Sorry. I was so scared for him. Oh Bowie, never do that again.''

Robbe caresses the puppy with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I didn't think he'd go to take the stick. Okay, this is the worst start to date I have ever had."

Sander raises an eyebrow, then shakes his head.

"If I remember correctly, our first date started when you broke up with your girlfriend."

Robbe sighs, rolling his eyes.

"It wasn't really a real date."

Sander shrugs his shoulders, smiling.

"Drinks, walk, kisses ... yeah, that sounds like a date."

Sander laughs looking at Robbe and opens his arm, so Robbe can snuggle up to him and kisses him.

"Thank you for holding me back. We should have thought about it and put him on a leash. Okay, everything is fine and it even warmed me up inside so it's okay. Let's back up a little bit? Want to make a snowman?"

Robbe laughs, thinking it's a joke but Sander raises an eyebrow.

"Like, really?"

Sander nods and laughs, starting to collect snow.

"Of course really. I love it. You can create so many things just with what nature gives you. It's another art form."

Robbe nods and ties Bowie to a tree with his longest leash, then looks at Sander already busy, mixing the freshest most compact snow to form the man's body. Robbe gets a little lost in his thoughts, imagining Sander when he was little and doing this kind of activity with his parents and siblings. Robbe feels a little sad that he has never shared this kind of thing with his parents, but a snowball thrown on his chest pulls him out of his thoughts.

"Is Mr. Ijzermans too precious to touch the snow and help me?"

Robbe collects snow and throws it on Sander's back.

"I just don't really know how to do it."

Sander puts the snowball that he had already prepared in his hand and looks at Robbe gawking.

"Haven't you ever made a snowman?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"My mother didn't want me to get sick so I wasn't allowed to play in the snow."

Sander joins him, kisses him and smiles.

"Ok. So, you must be baptized. I'm sorry."

Robbe doesn't have time to understand that he gets a snowball in the face. He looks at Sander who laughs and runs away.

"Sorry, that was mandatory. As a rite of passage. Love you."

Robbe nods, wiping his face and bows down to quickly form snowballs which he throws at his boyfriend shouting "Attack".


	38. It will be our little secret.

_Sunday, February 7, 11:40 am_

"I thought you were in the boy scouts?"

Sander stands up smiling and makes the sign of promise with a laugh.

"Once a scout, always a scout."

Robbe looks at the wood that Sander has been trying to light for ten minutes and laughs.

"Isn't that scout always ready? You don't really look ready to start a fire."

Sander strikes a match and sighs when the flame goes out.

"I'm so cold that I can hardly even light a match. But I'll make it, don't worry."

Robbe gently strokes his back, trying to help him protect the flame from the wind.

"We should have bought gas."

Sander looks at him as if he had said a blasphemy and sighs shaking his head.

"It's super dangerous, baby. Don't worry, I'll make it. It's still easier in the summer. That's probably why we didn't camp out in the winter."

A tiny flame spreads over the papers they brought to light this fire.

"At last! Sander, the king of fire. Look baby, here we go."

Robbe kisses him, sliding his arm around his shoulders.

"Did you like that?"

Sander looks at him, doesn't seem to understand what he's talking about and Robbe kisses him again.

"The years in the boy scouts. Did you like it?"

Sander adds firewood and comes back to hug him.

"Yeah, that was cool. Our leaders organized a lot of activities for us. I hated it when we had to do sporting events but surprisingly I loved the manual activities. Tobias was the opposite, so sometimes we would pretend to be each other. I'm sure the chefs knew that, but they never said anything. The advantage of being similar and only one year apart. Yeah, it was cool."

Robbe smiles, imagining little Sander in the middle of the other boys.

"Did you already know that you like guys as much as girls?"

Sander looks at him and raises an eyebrow half amused. 

"Are you asking me if I was watching the other boys in the showers?"

Robbe laughs as he shakes his head while Sander puts wood back on the fire which becomes more and more vigorous and then nods with a pout.

"Yeah, a little, I guess. I think we all did. Just to compare ourselves I guess. But no, I didn't especially have crush."

Robbe nods while taking Bowie in his arms, wanting to warm him up a little bit now that the fire's burning hot.

"But I would have had a crush on you if you'd been in the troupe."

Robbe laughs and snuggles up against him.

"Just a crush?"

Sander shakes his head and kisses his temple.

"Definitely not. I would have fallen in love with the clumsy little boy with overprotective parents who plays guitar by the fire."

Robbe laughs as he looks up at the sky.

"At first, I wasn't little. I'm sure that when I was ten years old I was at least one head taller than you. And then my parents weren't overprotective, just my mother. My father was absent, it's not the same. And I didn't learn to play the guitar until I was 12. You wouldn't even have noticed me."

Sander caresses his cheek, forcing him to turn around slightly to look at him.

"I would have noticed you no matter how old we were. I would never have been able to help but notice you."

Sander rubs his frozen nose against Robbe's nose and smiles.

''I would have loved to have known you as a child, become your best friend and then realize I was in love with you and declare my love.''

Robbe nods and smiles.

"Like drawing my portrait on a wall? Oh, but you did, actually."

Sander laughs and kisses him and hugs him. The flames give them a soft warmth, but it's nothing compared to their kisses.

They eat sitting by the fire, huddled together, Bowie asleep in his basket, warm in his blankets.

"Do you think this could have happened in another universe?"

Robbe sticks his marshmallow on his pick and asks Sander with his eyes.

"What?"

Sander eats a first marshmallow like that, without taking the time to toast it and then sticks three of them in a row.

"That we met as children. Do you think it happens in another universe?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles as he looks at the full pick of his greedy boyfriend.

"Yeah. Anything is possible. We could have gone to the same school, or the Boy Scouts. Maybe in one universe we're neighbors. Maybe our moms are BFFs and we grow up together. Maybe we meet in college, or maybe we meet later. But whatever, all that matters is that in every universe we're together."

Sander smiles and kisses him tenderly before burning his mouth with his marshmallows. He puts all three in his mouth before they start to flow and eats it like it's perfectly normal, so Robbe laughs.

"You should have put a little more on."

Sander puts four on his pick before putting it back on the fire.

"Your desires are my king's orders. Aren't you cold? Even with fire I'm frozen."

Robbe shakes his head and blows on his marshmallow before putting it in his mouth, but the marshmallow starts to flow everywhere, sticking his fingers and Robbe swallows it as much as he can, scraping his lower lip with his teeth because he gets it everywhere. Sander lets go of his pick which immediately burns and kisses him, licking his lower lip. Robbe almost chokes as he swallows quickly so that he can kiss him back. 

"You're so clumsy." Whispers Sander before kissing him all the way down the jaw to the ear. "I love you so much."

Robbe sits on the blankets they have put on the floor and slides his hands under Sander's coat. Sander jumps up and down and immediately takes them off.

"Oh fuck, they're frozen. Let's just make do with the kisses."

Robbe raises an eyebrow and looks around them.

"We're all alone in the middle of the ice pack. We can enjoy it. I swear it'll help warm you up."

Robbe kisses him and slips his hands over his boyfriend's body again but Sander laughs as if Robbe is tickling him.

"Tonight, baby. Now it's too cold."

Robbe sulks and Sander kisses him laughing.

"Don't sulk. It must be at least -15. I'm not an Eskimo."

Robbe smiles while unbuttoning Sander's pants.

"It's hot in my mouth."

Sander looks around and as he bites his lower lip, Robbe already knows that he agrees. Sander gets up and nods and Robbe kneels down in front of him, checking once again that they are alone before lowering his boxers a little bit.

He smiles and Sander grunts.

"I told you I was cold."

Robbe kisses the top of his cock, before grabbing it with a smile because he's clearly never seen it so small. 

"I'll warm you up."

Robbe takes it in his mouth and turns his tongue around, moaning as Sander's dick grows. That's something he always liked: feeling Sander grow and harden directly in his mouth.

Sander puts one hand under his beanie and slides it through his hair while he moans, gently pushing it further into his mouth.

"You're so hot, Robin."

Robbe looks up at him and Sander bites his lower lip while moaning. Robbe steps back, wanting to caress him while licking his tip, but Sander's startled.

"Damn, it's too cold."

Robbe laughs and takes it in his mouth, trying to discover Sander as little as possible. Sander twitches and moans then moves his hips slightly and Robbe knows he is close, so he accelerates his movements slightly.

"Baby...I'm coming...I...oh Robbe"

Sander moans as he enters his mouth and Robbe keeps him until he's done, then puts his dick in his boxer shorts and quickly closes his pants. He gets up, takes a quick look around and smiles before kissing him.

"Warmed up?"

Sander nods with a smile and wipes the corner of Robbe's mouth with his thumb.

"You're so hot. I can't believe you did that here. when we come here this summer i will remember you sucking my dick right here by the water. It's too hot."

Robbe smiles and huddles up to him.

"Yeah, it will be our little secret. Do you still want to go home?"

Sander shakes his head with a smile and points at the guitar case with his finger.

"I hear there's going to be a private concert, I wouldn't want to miss it. But first, you"

Sander puts his hand on his crotch and Robbe smiles.

"No, I'm too cold for that. My dick's hibernating."

Robbe kisses him and steps back to grab his guitar before sitting down.


	39. You, me and Bowie in Antarctica.

_Sunday, February 7, 3:15 pm_

"One more, please."

Robbe shakes his head and puts away his guitar before blowing on his fingers. 

"My fingers are too cold, but you can play."

Sander laughs and Robbe shrugs his shoulders and puts on his gloves.

"You could play. I could teach you if you want."

Sander looks at him as if to check if he's laughing or not, then shakes his head.

"No. That's not my thing."

Robbe moves closer to him and puts his arm behind his back so he can snuggle up to him.

"It's an art form, you know. Sound art."

Sander strokes his cheek and kisses him.

"And I'm very happy to let you express your art like that."

Sander looks around and smiles a bit more.

"It's so great to come here. I feel like I've been on a trip. It's so soothing that I feel like we've left the whole pandemic thing far behind."

Robbe puts his index finger on Sander's lips.

"Shhh! The virus doesn't exist here! Today it's just you, me and Bowie in Antarctica. If you look at the sea, you might see whales."

Sander bursts out and laughs before kissing him.

"If I see a whale here, put me in the mental hospital right away."

Robbe sighs and elbows him.

"Don't tell that like that and imagine, idiot. The two of us, lost in the far north."

"Antarctica's in the South, baby. It's the Arctic in the North."

Robbe looks at him frowning and Sander smiles at him.

"What? It's true. Okay, I'm not saying anything more. Go ahead."

Robbe crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head.

"No, I'm done. That was dumb."

Sander bends over to kiss his neck and backs away with his eyes wide open, pointing to something behind Robbe. Robbe turns around and frowns because he can't see anything.

"A polar bear, it's coming towards us!"

Sander starts screaming and tickle him, so Robbe ends up lying in the snow, laughing and Sander straddles him.

"I think the penguins are looking at us. Wait, the penguins live in Antarctica? I'm not sure. Whatever. They want to enjoy the show Don't move, Robin, the penguins are watching us. I'll show them how I take care of you.''

Sander bends over to kiss him and gently wiggles over him.

"I thought you were cold?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders with a smile and kisses him again, while removing his gloves.

"If this is our only day of the trip, I want to enjoy it to the fullest. Just because it's -20° doesn't mean I can't enjoy it."

Robbe laughs as he rolls his eyes.

"It must be barely -2°, babe."

Sander unbuttoned his pants and slipped his hand in to gently caress him.

Robbe looks around. They are on one of the pontoons, right in the middle, so totally exposed to everyone's view. Strangely enough, he had no problem with that when he was taking care of Sander, he was even too excited to go against the fact that he was so much in sight of the slightest passer-by who might venture out here.

"It's just us, don't worry. No one is coming to Antarctica with us."

Sander kisses him on the neck and Robbe moves his head slightly, giving him more room to kiss him and that's when he sees him. He's startled and finds himself sitting down with Sander's hand crushed in his pants.

"A wolf! There's a wolf!"

Sander withdraws his hand and sits down with a sigh.

"It's never funny to repeat the joke that someone else has just made."

Robbe pulls his chin so that he turns his head and Sander opens his eyes as he sees the wolf walking quietly towards them.

"Okay. Don't move. We have to show him who's the master."

Sander frowns as he looks at the wolf and the wolf starts running towards them.

"Stop your bullshit! Fuck!"

"Balto!"

A whistle sounds and the wolf changes course to join a ten year old girl.

"Is that your dog?" Sander asks, almost screaming, because the girl is so far away.

"Yes." The little girl screams back "Why?"

Robbe looks at the dog that looks more like a wolf than a dog and sighs while Sander smiles at the girl.

"He's very handsome!"

The girl waves to them and continues on her way. Sander looks at him and they burst out laughing.

"Ok." Says Robbe laughing, while closing his pants, "We'll never go where there are wolves, you'll get eaten straight away."

Sander laughs and kisses him before putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling it towards him.

"All right. But I'd like to travel with you. For real. When we're allowed to go again of course."

Robbe nods with a smile.

"Where would you like to go?"

Sander shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"I don't know. I've never been on a plane before. A plane trip would be cool, wouldn't it? Unfortunately I think you'll have time to turn 18, before we're allowed to leave Belgium."

Robbe nods and puts his head on his shoulder.

"That would be great. I've never been on a plane either. Can you imagine us? Us, going together on vacation, on a plane?"

Robbe turns his head slightly to look at Sander who smiles as much as he does.

''Yeah. That sounds really adult. I love it!"

Robbe nods and Sander puts his head against his.

"I love it too. I'm really looking forward to doing this. We could go out in the sun. We could go swimming. Eat ice cream. I could teach you to surf.''

Sander moans in response and finds his hand to intertwine their fingers.

"I could draw you surfing, rather. We could watching the sunset on the beach. It would be paradisiac." 

Robbe nods again and remains huddled against Sander looking at the water in front of them.

"That would be great. Don't worry, we'll do it. Everything will return to normal one day. We just have to be patient. 

Sander turns to kiss him.

"Thank you for spending the day here with me. I needed this."

Robbe strokes his cheek and smiles.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I want to write a one-shot with his vacation in question ... would you like it?


	40. Let me take a picture of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what time Sander posted his photo ... I only saw him at night at my house ... so sorry if it was earlier or later ...

_Monday, February 8, 5:45 p.m._

Robbe lazily lazes on his phone, lying on his bed, looking for Sander's Valentine's Day gift. 

Sander decided that he wanted to take care of everything and that Robbe had nothing to do except _''come with your sweetest little ass and your best smile"_ , but Robbe still wants to give him a gift.

So he looks for good ideas on his phone and smiles in the region the musical roses. Sander will never stop making it work, just like he used to do with Kim while she still had batteries. He doesn't necessarily want a hug's chequebooks because Sander knows that his hugs are unlimited. The very idea of his kind of hug and kiss chequebooks is too weird.

He keeps switching without really finding his happiness when he receives a notification for a publication from Sander. He clicks on it while looking at the door separating their main room from the kitchen where Sander is, as if he can see what's going on behind the door. Sander's supposed to work on the importance of subjectivity in the eye of the photographer and how the photographer's interpretation of a place or person taking a picture can influence the picture itself, or something like that. Basically if Robbe has understood this, he's supposed to understand why if three people take the same picture, the pictures won't necessarily be the same.

Robbe smiles as he reads the publication. Apparently Sander is fed up and is going around in circles. It's impressive how he always finds Bowie's perfect words to match his pictures.

Robbe hesitates to write _"song for Bob Dylan"_ , to show him once again that he has passed his Bowie exam, but he bites his lip, thinking of a way to tell Sander to come and change his mind with him. 

He looks around and smiles as he watches the Titanic DVD that hangs on the coffee table in the living room. When they came back from their outing yesterday, they were so cold that Sander made two hot chocolates before taking the blanket off their bed and curling up on the couch with the two of them. He said they were going to watch Titanic because it's the longest movie they have at home and they needed lots of time to warm up. So they spent the next 3 hours together, bundled up in the comforter, Bowie and Iggy with them.

Robbe undresses, lies down on the couch, putting his arms towards his head, then adjustq on his necklace and comment the publication.

He smiles as he hears the sound of a chair backing up on the tile floor in the kitchen, and the door opens almost immediately. Sander opens his eyes and Robbe smiles. At the beginning of the relationship, it would have been downright unthinkable for him to find himself so exposed. A few months ago, he could have done it but his cheeks would have taken on a completely scarlet color, while today he is just happy he could have surprised his boyfriend like that.

Sander closes the door as he enters, and approaches his office without taking his eyes off Robbe. Robbe frowns and shakes his head when he sees that Sander actually wants his camera back.

"No! That was a joke, don't really do it."

Sander takes the camera and sits down in front of Robbe.

"You are the most beautiful French girl."

Robbe knows that he blushes, but he can't help it, especially when Sander comes to readjust his hair to expose his neck a bit more while putting his necklace back on properly.

"Let me take a picture of you. May I?"

Robbe nods and smiles while Sander photographs him, almost moaning.

"You're so beautiful."

Robbe pretends to hide his breasts and Sander laughs before taking his picture again.

"So perfect."

Robbe takes the camera, puts it on the coffee table and pulls Sander towards him.

"You need a break."

Sander nods as he lies down on top of him, peppering his chest with kisses.

"Okay, Rose."

Robbe rolls his eyes as he pulls Sander towards him so he can kiss him properly.

"You're far too dressed up to be in my cabin."

Sander raises an eyebrow and undresses before returning to Robbe, playing with his necklace.

"Will my dear Rose lend me her heart from the ocean?"

Robbe looks at his necklace between Sander's fingers and smiles.

"You're dreaming."

Sander immediately loses his smile and releases the necklace.

"Is that true? You wouldn't even let me have it just to play with?"

Robbe tries to kiss him but Sander stands up and Robbe sighs.

"Why would you want my necklace?"

Sander raises an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't you want me to have your necklace?"

Robbe raises the shoulders, not really knowing. He would never have imagined that Sander wanted his necklace. It's just the angel of his baptism but he always wore it and it would be weird not to have it anymore.

"I don't know. I've always had it."

"Like your virginity before I took it."

Robbe stands there gawking and Sander laughs. 

"I'm laughing. Don't make this face. Sorry baby, I love to tease you."

Sander kisses him on the neck while caressing him and Robbe kisses him back but he can't stop smiling.

Because he has finally found what he wants to give Sander for Valentine's Day. He just has to check that the jewelry stores are still open.

"Rose, Robbe...It's almost same. I love it."

Robbe laugh.

"Jack Dawson and Jack Frost too."

Sander burst out laughing and kiss him.

"Oh god, I love you so much."


	41. I miss my boys.

_Tuesday, February 9, 5:50 pm_

Robbe comes out of the jewelry store, a big smile on the lips. It's even better than what he was thinking. He'll have to come back for it on Saturday but he'll get it just in time.

He smiles a little more before he takes the road to his mother's house. He has already sent a message to Sander to tell him that he is coming to see her before he returns at home.

He looks at his old house and smiles when he realizes who doesn't consider it his home anymore. So before he uses his key, he quickly knocks on the door.

"Are you knocking to get home to your mother?" asks his aunt, raising an eyebrow.

Robbe laughs and takes off your shoes.

"Hi, Aunt Ollie. How are you? I was passing by in the neighborhood, so I decided to stop by and say hi to Mom. Is she in her room?"

His aunt shakes her head smiling and waves him over to one of the chairs in the kitchen.

"No, she hasn't come back from her appointment with her therapist yet, it's been moved to 5:00 pm."

Robbe sits down and smiles when he sees that Ollie is already turning on the kettle to make them some tea.

"And how is she doing? She always tells me she's fine when I have her on the phone. But I know her, she always says she's fine even when she's not."

Ollie pulls out two cups and then the tea can and hands it to him with a smile on his face.

"Just like my favorite nephew. But no, frankly, right now she's really okay. And you? How are you doing? Why did you come alone? Sander is fine ?"

Robbe nods as he fetches the kettle to fill the two cups.

"He's fine. We're both fine, don't worry. Do I need to remind you that we're only allowed one guest in a house?"

His aunt looks up at the sky as she takes out her phone.

"That's really rubbish. You and Sander only count as one person. Ok, I told him to come. You're eating here tonight. I really want him to draw me a new tattoo.''

Robbe don't have time to tell him that the tattoo parlours are closed and that his aunt's phone is vibrating.

"Great. He says he's almost finish what he's working on, so he'll be here in 20 minutes. Your mom will be really happy to have you both tonight. Come on, let's order and get delivered so we don't even have to think about it.''

Finally he decides to order from the Japanese restaurant down the street and Robbe smiles as he watches his aunt place the order. He love her temper so much.

''Your mom should be here in ten minutes, so if you want to talk to me about something, we have a little time.''

Robbe finishes his tea and watches her trying not to frown.

"Why would I want to talk to you about anything? I told you everything's fine."

She smiles and puts her hand on his.

"I know you, like you're my son, so I can tell there's something on your mind. You don't have to, but if you want to talk about it I'm here. But don't tell me that you passing by in the neighborhood because you live in the neighborhood.''

Robbe quickly looks at the front door, wanting to make sure that their discussion remains private, and nods before explaining to him "what's on his mind", as she puts it so well. Because even if the totally sure of what he wants to offer Sander on Sunday, he's not sure that his parents approve. But even if he don't need to have his parents' blessing or not, having his aunt's opinion might help him not to worry unnecessarily.

Sander finally arrives at the same time as his mother and they play a game of Uno before they receive their meal.

"I really miss evenings like this with you.''

Robbe looks at his mother and smiles softly at her.

''Stops Nathalie, they'll think you're unhappy with me. I swear we have a great time together.''

Robbe smiles a little more when he sees his mother rolling her eyes before looking at her sister.

''I didn't say that. Stop making everything about you. I have the right to say I miss my boys. I'm really glad you two came tonight. And even more glad to see Sander trying to eat with chopsticks.''

Sander laughs and tries again to take a sushi on the tray but it falls off before he has time to bring it back to his plate.

"I just don't understand why it doesn't work with me. I'm holding it just like you.''

Robbe laughs and grabs the sushi left in the middle of the table with his chopsticks before dropping it directly into his boyfriend's mouth.

"I think he's pretending he can't do it just to get you to do this." Ollie whispers before laughing.

"Shhh, don't say that or he'll stop doing it.'' Sander laughs before he gets a big smile. "I'm laughing, baby, I'm laughing.''

Sander winks, not at all discreetly, and the two women start laughing while Robbe looks up to the sky.

They talks a bit about the high school, then the school and Sander's family, before drifting on to more basic things like the weather and the vacations coming at the end of the week. Ollie talk to Sander, explaining all the symbolism of the new tattoo she would like him to draw for her, while Robbe talks with his mother.

When he leaves, hand in hand with Sander, Robbe is really happy to have spent this evening with his mother and aunt. The best part will remain the reaction of his aunt when he told her about the Valentine's Day gift, but that he can't tell Sander about it yet. So for now he just shakes his hand and brings it to his lips to kiss it, being really looking forward to Sunday already.


	42. My Valentine.

_Sunday, February 14, 6:35 pm_

"Come on, Bowie wants to go for a walk.''

Robbe looks at Bowie as he lies on the bed, lying all his long, and he laughs.

"Yeah, he looks like so ready to go."

Sander tilts his head to the side, looking at their dog with a jaded look on his face and Robbe kisses him.

"Don't sulk, it's okay, I'm leaving. Bowie! Walk! Daddy wants the house to himself."

Sander kisses him before pushing him to the entrance.

"Exactly. At least half an hour, okay?"

Robbe strokes his cheek and smiles.

"Otherwise I could help you, couldn't I?"

Sander's eyes answer for him and Robbe grabs his jacket and shoes.

"Okay, I get it, I'm not welcome here. No problem."

Robbe grabs Bowie's leash and opens the door but Sander holds him back.

"I was kidding, babe. I just can't wait to hear what you've got for me. Send me a message so I can come back, okay?"

Sander nods and kisses him and Robbe leaves with Bowie. They walk around for a while and then Robbe sits down on a bench, just checking that Sander hasn't sent him any messages. And frankly, after an hour he starts to wonder if he's not going home anyway to make sure that everything is all right. 

And suddenly, an incredible flood of anxiety starts to swirl around in his head. What if Sander had wanted to hang something up high and fell off the stepladder? Robbe gets up and forces himself to calm down, calls himself an idiot because they don't even have a stepladder and fortunately his phone starts vibrating.

_I'm waiting for you, pretty boy..._

Robbe smiles, feeling all his anxiety leave him and comes home as quickly as Bowie allows.

He barely has time to put his hand on the doorknob as Sander opens the door and puts his hand in front of his eyes.

He brings him in and kisses him before removing his hand. 

"Oh Sander..."

The table is magnificent, worthy of a restaurant with lit candles and rose petals spread out. Sander slips two roses into his hands before kissing him again.

"Happy Valentine's Day my love."

Robbe hugs him, pecking at his lips and all over his face.

"Thank you, babe. Thanks. Thanks. You're awesome. I feel like I'm in a restaurant."

Robbe puts the flowers on the table just long enough to take a picture and Sander pulls out the chair to he settle down.

"My Valentine."

Robbe tries not to roll his eyes and sits down while Sander opens a bottle.

He fills two glasses and sits down in front of Robbe, raising his glass to toast.

"To our second Valentine's Day. Love you."

Robbe bends over to kiss him and then looks at the table again and touches the petals, even though he had no doubt, they're real.

"You've done too much, babe."

Sander shakes his hand, visibly worried.

"Is this too much? Too cheesy?"

Robbe shakes his head and smiles.

"No. I love it. It's just..."

Sander lets go of his hand and gets up to fetch a tray of toast.

"Nothing is too much for you."

Sander strokes the top of his hand before giving him an envelope.

"Hey! You didn't have to offer me anything extra."

Sander shrugs his shoulders, giving the impression that he'll never stop smiling.

"It's just a card."

Of course, it's not just a card, it's a beautiful drawing of the two of them kissing on a beach.

"It's just a post-covid glimpse." 

Robbe gets up and goes around to kiss Sander while sitting on his lap.

"Thank you. It's all really beautiful. Thank you so much, my love."

Robbe gets up and walks to the room, already smiling at the idea of giving Sander his present.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

Sander catches up with him and slips in front of him to stop him from opening the door.

"You're not allowed in there yet."

Robbe strokes his cheek and points at the door.

"Your gift is in there. I'll be two seconds."

Sander shakes his head and walks him back to the table.

"You're the only gift I need. We'll see about that later, okay?"

Sander sits him down and moves back in front of him, smiling.

And Robbe was absolutely right, Sander doesn't lose his smile for the whole meal, which is really delicious. 

"Do you want dessert in the room? I just need a few minutes. Just wait for me."

Sander disappears without Robbe's response time, so Robbe clears the table in the meantime.

"What the hell are you doing, Robin?"

Robbe wipes his hands in the tea towel and smiles at him.

"I was clearing the table. That's it, I'm done."

Sander gets behind him and puts his hands over his eyes again before slowly moving him forward.

Robbe blinks twice when he discovers their bed, completely covered with rose petals and candles writing Love and forming two hearts.

And frankly, at that very moment, Robbe feels like he's going to start crying because it's just too much. Too much love. Too much attention. And Robbe's not sure he deserves so much.

"I thought the best way to continue this delicious evening was to sleep in a hotel."

Robbe turns around to hug him and buries his head in his neck.

"Thank you, it's just perfect. You're amazing. I don't even feel like I deserve this."

Sander gently kisses him on the neck, hugging him.

"Oh if you deserve all this. Without a doubt.''

Robbe kisses him tenderly before detaching himself to go and rummage through his closet and take out the little box he's been hiding there since yesterday.

What he didn't expect is that the moment Sander stops smiling tonight is when Robbe opens the box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering what you thought of their valentine photos? some comments said that it didn't sound like Sander and that he had to have an episode (and although I know they are fictional characters, it hurt me to read that). some said it was too cheesy ... I thought it was too cute so I was wondering what you thought 😉


	43. Happy Valentine's day.

_Sunday, February 14, 9:10 pm_

Robbe can't help but smile at his boyfriend's reaction. It's at moments like this that he's really happy to be able to read all of Sander's emotions on his face.

And then it's clear that he's astonished, almost intrigued. Robbe smiles as he takes out the necklace and Sander looks at him again, almost motionless.

"Don't you like it?"

Sander looks at him and bites his lower lip.

"Yes, of course I do. Is your face on the other side?"

Robbe smiles as he looks at the engraving on the necklace and shakes his head.

"No, just yours."

Sander looks at him, visibly lost again, not understanding why Robbe offers him a necklace with his face engraved on it, and frankly Robbe finds it almost astonishing that he is not yet understood.

"Will you help me put it on?"

Sander looks at him, frowning slightly.

"Because it's for you?"

Robbe nods with a smile, taking the necklace out of the box.

"Yes, of course, you're not going to wear a necklace with your face on it anyway."

Sander frowns a little more but Robbe unties his angel and Sander seems to have finally understood.

"No!"

Robbe tries to put the chain around his neck but Sander takes a step back.

"No, you can't give it to me."

Robbe simply shrugs his shoulders.

"I did give you my virginity."

Sander smiles and then gets serious again.

"That was a joke. I was joking. You can't just give it to me, it's your guardian angel."

Robbe puts his angel on the bed and puts his new necklace around his neck.

"That's my new guardian angel.''

It was finally pretty easy to find a medallion of the same shape and size. In the end, it's only the engraving that changes. Robbe takes back his old necklace and come to Sander.

"He will look after you now. I'm looking after you now. It'll remind you that no matter what happens, no matter where you are, you're never alone, okay? Happy Valentine's day.''

He slides the necklace around Sander's neck and ties it before kissing him.

Sander touches the necklace then smiles before getting back to his serious face.

"Your parents will"

Robbe puts his finger on his mouth and smiles.

"My parents gave me this angel because they love me and I'm giving it to you because I love you." 

Sander hugs him while kissing him, before placing lots of little kisses all over his face.

"I love you too. Thank you. I love it. This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you my love. I feel like you're marking your property and I love it."

Robbe rolls his eyes while shaking his head.

"Don't overdo it, it's only a necklace, you can take it off whenever you want."

Sander looks at him, almost shocked, then shakes his head.

"What? No! Okay, I'll have to get used to sleeping with it, but I don't want to take it off. Never. And you know it's more than just a necklace."

Robbe nods and Sander kisses him again. He kisses him so fast that Robbe almost falls on the bed, but he makes up for it at the last moment.

"Maybe we'll put this out before we burn it all down?"

Robbe looks at the candles and shakes his head.

"No, leave them a little longer. We don't need the bed."

Robbe pulls him down so they sit at the foot of the bed and kisses him tenderly before sitting on his lap and pecking his neck with kisses.

He takes off their T-shirt at the same time and then Sander takes his phone out of his pocket and opens the application of their vibrating plug by raising his eyebrows.

"You mean you've had it since the since of the dinner?"

Sander nods with a smile and Robbe puts the phone on the floor next to them.

"I wanted to be ready for you."

Robbe nods and licks his ear and puts his forehead against his own.

"Why you wouldn't keep it in you while you make love to me?"

Sander nods with a smile, letting his hands drop below Robbe's jeans belt.

"I'm okay for that too.''

Robbe kisses him, while Sander unbuttoned his pants and pulls out his cock to caress it. Robbe groans, letting his head rest for a few seconds in Sander's neck, tasting the pleasure of being touched.

He moves backwards to be able to take off his pants properly but his chain pulls him forward. Their two collars get tangled and Sander laughs before freeing him.

Robbe gets rid of his pants and boxer shorts before helping Sander get naked and then he comes back to sit on his thighs and gently caresses him before touching Sander's phone screen to activate the plug. Sander shivers and his dick contracts while he strokes Robbe's ass.

"Don't you want to go to bed?"

Robbe shakes his head but gets up to fetch lubricant and gives it to Sander on the way back.

"Stay on your feet."

Sander gets down on his knees and sucks him gently. The lights flicker on the bed, creating a soft atmosphere and Robbe is almost surprised when Sander inserts a wet finger into him. 

He has just re-installed on his thighs, and increases the vibration of the plug when Sander inserts two fingers into him.

"Fuck, Robbe."

Robbe smiles as he kisses him and shakes his head.

"Yes, you, fuck Robbe"

Sander pushes his fingers a little further and Robbe increases the plug again.

"Ok. Come on."

Robbe sits on top of him and slowly goes down until he's all the way down. It's a position that he particularly loves. When they are sitting on top of each other like this, they feel like they are fully connected and they can make love to each other and still be really close to each other. In this position, it's always softer, probably because the movements are less ample.

"I love you so much, Robin."

Robbe kisses him and moves gently up and down while Sander gently guides his movements by holding him by his hips.

"I love you too. You're so incredible."

Robbe kisses him in the neck and then grabs the necklace with his teeth and gently pulls on it before dropping it and laughing.

"I've always wondered why you do this."

Sander smiles before he kisses him on the neck.

"And?"

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"I still don't understand."

Sander laughs and kisses him before bending over to lay Robbe on the floor. They are almost in the dark now that the lights are slowly going out, and it reinforces the feeling of being totally alone together.

Sander lies on top of him, gently spreading his legs as he settles in and hits him faster and harder as Robbe grabs the phone with his fingertips and increases the vibration. 

He feels the vibration in Sander's body and it's just incredible. Sander moans, going into him harder and Robbe knows he is really close.

"I love you so fucking much.''

Robbe closes his eyes, too overwhelmed to be able to talk with a moan when Sander caresses him as quickly as he fucks him.

"Robin, I"

Sander groans as he bends over and this delicious warm sensation immediately fills him up. Sander comes out completely before going back as deep as possible, and starts again twice until Robbe comes in moaning his name.

Sander crushes it almost immediately by squeezing it against him.

"I love you so much my angel."


	44. This is how I lose my boyfriend

_Monday, February 15, 10:40 a.m._

"What do you feel like doing this week?"

Sander strokes his arm up and down, tickling it almost every time he goes up.

"Nothing at all. Just spend the vacations doing nothing."

Robbe nods and turns to kiss him.

"Okay. Let's do this. Or let's just do nothing. I'm okay with that. Let's just do nothing for a week."

Robbe stands up, quickly looks at the mess in their room and then goes back to bed.

"Maybe we should clean up this mess, shouldn't we? We've got flower petals all over the place.''

Sander shrugs his shoulders and puts the comforter on their heads.

"And the mess is gone. Come on, stay with me under the comforter."

They hug each other, perfectly matching their bodies in a soft embrace.

"I want to stay here with you for the rest of my life."

Robbe puts his forehead against Sander's forehead and smiles softly at him.

"Are you all right?"

Sander caresses his cheek and smiles.

"Yes, of course, don't worry. I'm just fine here with you. And last night was pretty exhausting, but you noticed that because you didn't even see me get up at 8 o'clock to take Bowie for a walk."

Robbe smiles a little more before kissing him.

"Sorry, I was exhausted. But it was good. Really good."

Sander smiles and kisses him before he pulls him up against him.

"I love you."

Sander's phone starts ringing but he completely ignores it. When it rings the second time, Robbe lifts the comforter but Sander puts it back in place immediately.

"I don't care."

The ringing stops, but almost immediately Robbe's phone rings. He pops his head out from under the comforter and bends down to grab his jeans from the floor.

"We don't care, Robbe, tell them we're fucking."

Robbe retrieves his phone and sits in the bed.

" I can't says that, it's your sister!"

He picks up as Sander immediately sits down next to him.

"Lara?"

"Hi Robbe, sorry to bother you. I tried calling Sander but he doesn't pick up."

"I'm here. What you want?"

There is a slight silence, just a few seconds, but that is enough for Robbe to worry.

"Were you still in bed? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry."

Sander's coughing, probably wanting to make his hoarse morning voice go away.

"No, we were awake. My phone was on silent. Nothing serious?"

"Willem's nanny's husband is positive for Covid so she can't keep him. I was thinking of taking him to mom's house but today she works face to face. As I know you're on vacation, can you keep it for me? Just today. And tomorrow. And Wednesday. "

"All week actually, right?"

"Not Friday. But if you can Thursday too, that suits me. Please, you're my favorite brother."

Sander laughed as he picked up the phone.

"I know it's wrong."

Lara laughed into the receiver.

"I was talking to Robbe."

Sander laughs and questions Robbe with a look before cutting the microphone.

"It's not really the kind of vacation we planned. Do you want?"

Robbe nods, smiling.

"You know I love him. Of course I want. But if you're tired we ''

Sander turned the microphone back on, smiling.

"It's okay, bring him. You will be there at what time?"

"In thirty minutes, will you be okay?"

Robbe looks at the surrounding mess and jumps out of bed to put on some clothes.

"Yeah, it's good. See you later."

They start by putting away all the sex toys they've been using that night, then the candles, and they're almost done picking up the flower petals when Bowie starts barking, warning them that someone is coming. And indeed, a few seconds later, there was a knock on the door.

Sander opens with a smile and tries to take Willem from his sister's arms but he pushes him and reaches out to Robbe.

Robbe catches him smiling and Willem snuggles up to him.

“And this is how I lose my boyfriend,” Sander sighs.

"And this is how I lose my son. Ok, you have everything you need in the bag. Come with me I have his folding bed in the car and the stroller if you want to go out. I will be there at 9 p.m. It will be fine ? "

Robbe nods with a smile as Willem laughs out loud as he watches Bowie jump up to try to say hello.

"It'll be fine. Ok, I'll go find his mess."

"Wait! I want to visit. I've never been there before."

She takes off her shoes and Robbe walks her into the main room, happy they've had time to put everything away.

"It's great. I love it. Anyway, thank you very much for keeping him for me. Watch out for everything, he crawls on all fours now so he touches everything."

Robbe nods, telling him not to worry and Lara comes over to hug her son before leaving.

Sander returns a few minutes later with the travel cot, stroller and a bag of toys.

"It's just amazing that such a small baby needs so many things. But you know what all that means?"

Robbe raises an eyebrow, while putting Willem on the ground, marveling to see him sit down now.

"No?"

Sander laughs as he put the bed down in the corner of the room.

"This afternoon, it's compulsory nap for everyone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willem is back 👶


	45. It's forbidden to bite

_Monday February 15, 2:25 p.m._

"Can you remind me of what you said? Compulsory nap for everyone? You hear, Willem, Uncle Sander says it's bedtime."

Willem starts to cry, stretching out his arms to him and Robbe takes him with a sigh.

"Robbe! He's completely exhausted, he absolutely has to get to sleep."

Robbe sighs and tries to rock him but Willem shakes his head no while rubbing his eyes.

"Come on, Sander you're right, we all need to sleep. Come take a nap."

Robbe lays Willem down in the middle of their bed and lies down next to him, resting a hand on his stomach.

"Sshhtttt, sleep Will. Stop moving."

Sander comes to lie on the other side, and puts his hand on Robbe's before closing his eyes.

"At last!"

Robbe smiles, and strokes his hair with his free hand.

"You can sleep, I'm watching over him."

It was pretty easy to put Willem to sleep with them when he wasn't moving, but now that he's moving, he could easily fall out of bed if he woke up before, so it's clear Robbe shouldn't be sleeping.

Willem finally takes his rabbit's ear and sucks it, closing his eyes.

Sander buries his head in the baby's neck, and Robbe smiles because it's definitely the cutest thing he's been given to see. He plays with his sleeping boyfriend's brown hair, looks at his moles that he knows by heart, and ends up closing his eyes for just a few seconds.

When he wakes up with a start, Willem is still asleep, in Sander's arms. Robbe pushes his hair back from his forehead and smiles as he looks at it. He grabs his phone and looks at the time several times, not coming back from having slept for 1h30 without realizing it.

It's true that the morning was rather tiring. Lara was absolutely right when she said that it was now more difficult to take care of Willem. He crawls everywhere on all fours, and so wanted to touch everything, especially Iggy's tail who was not at all happy with that and ended up hiding above their wardrobe.

"You slept, Robin?"

Robbe looks at Sander who painfully opens his eyes and smiles at him.

"Yeah. Absolutely."

Sander smiles, stroking his cheek.

"Good. You have the marks on your cheek.''

Robbe yawns and rubs his cheek.

"Why are we so tired?"

Sander shrugs but doesn't make any movement to get up.

"Come on, stay with us. There's nothing better to do than rest, right?"

Robbe yawns, smiling, which must make him a grimace, because Sander chuckles.

Eventually they stay like that, just playing with their hands until Willem wakes up half an hour later. He straightens up suddenly then climbs Robbe, laughing.

"Do you think he loves you more because he can't get attached to me? Do you think our kids will do the same?"

Robbe sits down, holding Willem against him so as not to drop him, and frowns at his boyfriend.

"What? Why couldn't he get attached to you? He doesn't love me more than you, it's just different."

Sander shrugs as he takes a seat.

"You know they say kids smell a lot more things than adults so maybe he feels that I'm bipolar and that I could screw up and anytime is that why he prefer to be with you. You think he's scared of me?"

Robbe moves to come and hug Sander, pulling him into a hug even though Willem's still on his knees.

"Of course not. He knows I'm falling for him, that's all. I've never seen a baby other than him. Right, Willem. You love Sander a lot, huh?"

Willem gives a funny face and hug Robbe before hugging Sander.

"I don't want to be in the middle of your relationship, babe, I'm sorry, I didn't think it touched you so much."

Robbe hugs him and kisses him on the forehead.

"Do you want me to go out with Bowie and leave you both?"

Willem hugs Sander again, before pushing himself off the bed and trying to catch their cat again.

"No. Of course not. I love your relationship. I don't know. I'm just… I don't know."

Robbe smiled as he pulled him against him again.

"Ok. We'll talk about it anytime you want. And I'm sure our kids will find you cooler than me."

Sander smiles and Robbe kisses his smile before looking at Willem.

"Where is he ?"

Sander straightens his head and scans the room before getting out of bed.

"Willem? Where are you?"

Robbe gets down on all fours to look under the bed but he sits up in panic even he knows the little boy shouldn't be far since the doors and windows are closed.

Sander laughs and gently pushes the door of their closet open to open it a little more, revealing Willem who's hiding.

"Found! Do you want to come have your snack with me?"

Willem looks at Robbe but holds out his arms to Sander who takes him, smiling. The little boy leans on his cheek and Sander smiles.

"Oh, he's giving me a kiss."

Sander's face crumbles and he pulls his face back slightly.

"Hey, it's forbidden to bite. I love you too Willem, but I'll tell you what I said to Robbe at the start of our relationship: 'As long as you don't put your teeth in, everything is fine.' Okay?''

Robbe immediately loses his smile and shows him his middle finger, which makes Sander laugh.

"Only Uncle Robbe has the right to bite me because he loves me too much, but never where someone can see it. I'll teach you the rules.''


	46. I'm totally exhausted

_Monday, February 15th 9:05 pm_

"I'm totally exhausted.''

Sander drops down on the bed, his arms in a dramatic sigh, so Robbe gets up from the couch and immediately comes over and lies down next to him.

"It's true that it's a lot harder now that he's crawling around on all fours. And then he has a big temper. He's definitely a Driesen."

Sander mumbles something that Robbe doesn't understand because his head is buried in the mattress.

"Okay, I'm going to take a pizza from the freezer and it'll be ready in 10 minutes. Is that okay?''

Sander nods and Robbe rubs his back, wondering why he looks more tired than usual.

"Do you want to go take a shower?"

Sander slowly turns his head to the side and smiles at him.

"No, go ahead, you can take yours."

Robbe kisses him on the cheek and puts the pizza in the oven before going to take a shower. He is almost astonished that Sander doesn't come to him, but he not do it every time either.

Robbe gets out of the shower, dries quickly and runs a towel around his waist before he goes to turn off the oven because the pizza is definitely ready. 

"Sander, do you want to eat in the kitchen or''

Robbe stops on his way back to the big room because Sander is asleep on the bed, still in the position he was in earlier and fully dressed.

Robbe puts on jogging pants and a clean t-shirt before helping Sander to undress. The way he reacts, it's certain that he won't wake up to eat tonight. So he puts him in his boxer and helps him get under the comforter. 

He doesn't want to turn on the TV so as not to wake Sander up, so he eats in the kitchen and watches a movie on his computer before he joins Sander who always sleeps peacefully.

Sander doesn't get up until 10 am the next day, but he says he's fine and insists on going for a walk with Willem when Lara drops him off at 11 am. That's all they do: a simple walk, and yet after lunch, Sander sleeps for 3 hours with Willem while Robbe watches him worried.

"Stop worrying. Maybe my body is hibernating.''

Robbe sighs and Sander smiles tenderly at him.

"My body is just taking advantage of the vacations to rest. I swear I'm fine, I feel really good.''

Robbe squints, trying to see if his boyfriend is telling him the whole truth because he's sure he's hiding something from him, he just doesn't know what. Just the way Sander bites his lower lip and looks away, Robbe's certain who's hiding something from him.

Even in the way he plays with Willem and talks to him, Robbe can see that he looks exhausted.

And since he knows it's a sensitive subject he wants to talk about, he waits until 9 p.m. for Lara to come back for Willem.

"Can we talk calmly?"

Sander reopens his eyes to look at him. He's sitting on the corner of the couch, Iggy on his lap, and Robbe is certain that if he hadn't talked to him, Sander would have fallen asleep in less than 5 minutes.

"Of course, baby.''

Robbe smiles at him and takes his hands and caresses them gently.

"I know you hate it when I ask, but now I'm starting to worry that you're so tired. Are you taking your medication properly?"

Sander's face changes immediately, as Robbe suspected, and he almost tears his hands away from Robbe's hands as he stands up.

"I don't have the right to just be tired? It always has to come back to my fucking medication, doesn't it?" 

Robbe gets up and tries to take his hand, but Sander pulls it out.

"Don't touch me, you're tiring me out."

Robbe stands there with his arms dangling, watching Sander bury himself under their blanket, giving the impression that he's trying to hide.

"Sander, I just want to make sure you're fine."

Sander grunts something without coming out from under the blanket and when Robbe comes to see him a few minutes later he has fallen asleep.


	47. Robbe's phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write about the situation from another angle...so welcome to Robbe's phone.

_Tuesday 16 February_

_To Lara 8:46 am_  
Hi Lara, just to warn you, Sander has a fever. But I can keep Willem.

_From Lara 8:51 am_  
Shit.  
No, don't worry, I'll take Willem to mom.  
How's Sander?  
He's awful when he has a fever, he's never been able to stand it.

_To Lara 9.05 am._  
Not really well.  
He wanted to get up and he passed out.  
But I managed to get him to take some medicine to bring the fever down.

_From Lara 9:07 am._  
He often faints when he has a fever.  
He's a real baby.  
If he yells at you, don't take it personally, he's delirious when he's sick.

_To Lara 9:11 am._  
Don't worry, it's okay.  
Shit, he just threw up.  
I'll call the doctor.

_From Lara 9:13 am._  
I'm calling mom.

_From Sander's mom 9:18 am_  
Robbe, how's it going?

_To Sander's mom 9h24 am_  
Not well.  
I'm on hold with the doctor's office.  
He vomited right after taking the fever medicine.  
Do you think I should give him another pill?

_From Sander's mother 9:26 am_  
Yes, I think so.  
Does he have a high fever?  
He can't stand it.

_To Sander's mom 9h29 am_  
38°7 at 8:30 am.  
Now he's 39°1.

_From Sander's mother 9h31 am_  
What does the doctor say?

_To Sander's mom 9h38 am_  
I'm on hold.  
I'm trying to get a doctor to come to the house because he can't get up.  
But don't worry, I'm taking care of him.

_From Sander's mom 9:40 am_  
I'm not worried about that.  
He's not mean?  
The fever doesn't suit him at all.

_To Sander's mom 9h42 am_  
No, don't worry.  
He went back to sleep.

_To Sander's mom 10h05 am_  
The doctor comes around 11:00.  
He told me to give him a pill again.

_From Tobias 10:51 am_  
Hi, Robbe.  
Are you all right?  
Just to let you know, feel free to say if it's too hard.  
We all know how Sander is when he has a fever.

_To Tobias, 10h52 am_  
Actually, he scares me.  
I've never seen him like that.  
He can't even walk.  
He has vomited twice again and the fever is not going down.

_From Tobias 10:59 am_  
He can't tolerate fever.  
At 38° he's already knocked out, so above this temperature he gives the impression that he's going to die.  
I know it's impressive but he's going to be fine.  
If he's not fine, call for help.

_To Tobias 11:04 am_  
No, the doctor should be here soon.  
He doesn't like hospitals.

_From Tobias 11:06 am_  
I know.  
But don't hesitate.

_From Sander's mother 11:07 am_  
How's it going?

_To Sander's mother 11:07 am._  
Don't worry, it's fine.  
I don't want him to go to the hospital without me.

_From Sander's mom 11:09 am_  
Does the doctor want to take him to the hospital?

_To Sander's mother 11:10 am_  
No!  
Sorry, recipient error.  
I was talking to Tobias.  
No, I'm still waiting for the doctor.

_To Sander's mom 11:41am_  
The doctor's here.  
He asks if he often vomits when he has a fever.

_From Sander's mom 11:42 am_  
Yes, all the time.

_To Sander's mom 12h09 pm_  
The doctor has just left.  
He doesn't know what's wrong with him.  
He gave him the Covid test, results in 48 hours max.  
He gave him an injection to bring down the fever.  
Now he's sleeping.

_To Tobias 12h14 pm_  
The doctor has just left but we don't know what's wrong with him.  
We are waiting for the results of the Covid test.  
He's sleeping.

_From Tobias 12:17 pm_  
Okay.  
Think about yourself!

_From Sander's mom 12:18pm_  
Thank you Robbe.  
You really manage perfectly.  
Call me if you need anything.

_To Sander's mom 12:20pm_  
I avoid calling, he has a headache.

_From Tobias 12:20 pm_  
Remember to eat!  
Now!

_To Tobias 12:22 pm_  
Yes mom!

_From Tobias 12:24 pm_  
Ok son.  
Keep me posted.

_To Tobias 12:25 pm_  
No problem. Thanks !

_To Tobias, 2:24 pm_  
Sander is awake.  
The fever has gone down to 38,°3  
He has a headache.

_From Tobias 2:27 pm_  
Okay, I'll let mom know.  
She was a little worried.  
(That means a lot, you know her)  
How are you doing?

_To Tobias 2:34 pm_  
I'm fine.  
Don't worry about me.  
Don't worry about Sander either, I'll take care of him.

_From Tobias 2:41 pm_  
I know.  
I hope one day I'll find someone willing to take care of me like that.  
What's he doing now?

_To Tobias 2:46 pm_  
He went back to bed.  
But at least he drank a little.

_From Tobias 2:41 pm_  
Okay, don't worry if he vomits again, he does it all the time.  
Sick Sander is the worst Sander.

_To Tobias 2:46 pm_  
Why is it so difficult for him?

_From Tobias 2:47 pm_  
Mystery of the human body.  
It has never tolerated fever.  
When he was little, he had convulsions, it was horrible.

_To Tobias 2:51 pm_  
What do I do if this happens?

_From Tobias 2:52 pm_  
Shit, I didn't want to worry you.  
It hasn't happened in years.  
I think he was 3 or 4 the last time.  
Don't worry about it.

_From Tobias 3:10 pm_  
Robbe?  
Did I scare you?

_To Tobias 3:12 pm_  
No, I was looking on the internet what to do if it happens.  
But I'm sure

_From Tobias 3:13 pm_  
Robbe?  
What's going on?

  
 _To Tobias 3:35 pm_  
Sorry, he was vomiting.  
Fever is back up.   
Okay, I'll leave you alone, he needs me.

_From Tobias, 3:39 p.m._  
Okay.  
Cheer up.

_From Sander's mom, 6:45 pm_  
How's it going, Robbe?

_To Sander's mom, 7:10 pm_  
Not better.  
The fever had gone down but went back up to 39.  
He's a little lost.  
He's not really coherent.  
But he's calmer than this morning.

_From Sander's mom, 7:14 pm_  
Okay.  
If you need us to come over, let me know.

_To Sander's mom, 7:15 pm_  
No,.  
If he has the Covid, you can't risk getting sick again.  
It's going to be all right.  
I have an emergency doctor number to call if he's too sick.

_From Sander's mom 7:19 pm_  
Okay. You're right.  
Sorry, I'm still worried.  
It's still my baby.

_To Sander's mom, 7:21 p.m._  
I know.  
Don't worry, it's going to be okay.

_From Tobias, 8:35 pm_  
Don't forget to have dinner.

_To Tobias 8:41 pm_  
Thanks Tobias.  
But really?  
Are you going to remind me every meal?  
I'm not going to die if I miss a meal.

From Tobias 8:44 pm  
Sander would tell you if he could: don't forget you.  
How is he?

_To Tobias 8:46 pm_  
Thanks, you're right.  
It's getting better, he kept the medicine so the fever is going down a bit.  
He's sleeping.

_From Tobias 8:50 pm_  
Okay.   
Try to get some sleep, it's going to be a long night.


	48. What's wrong with me?

_Tuesday, February 16, 11:45 pm_

"Mom?"

Robbe rubs his eyes, can't believe he fell asleep and strokes Sander's cheek.

"No, that's me. It's all right, babe, I'm here. ''

Sander burns and his glassy eyes hurt to see.

"I want Robbe, mom, I need Robbe."

Robbe sighs, puts his second hand on his other cheek, but he doesn't want to hug him so as not to give him more heat than he already has.

"I'm here, my love, I'm here."

Sander closes his eyes, almost giving the impression that he faints so quickly that he goes back to sleep. Robbe gets out of bed and takes the thermometer before sighing as he reads the result. 39°6 and he's not supposed to take any medication for at least an hour and a half.

He quickly googles again, again, then retrieves towels that he soaks and puts them on his forehead, wrists and ankles before kneeling down beside the bed to get to his head.

"I know it's not your fault, but I don't want to have to let you go to the hospital. Please babe, I'm scared."

Sander mumbles without opening his mouth and Robbe kisses him on the forehead before taking his hand in his.

"Don't worry, It's going to be okay."

Okay, he says it mostly to reassure himself, and it doesn't really work, but he needs to hear it.

Sander sleeps for an hour and a half, giving the impression that he doesn't find the right position to rest, but finally when Robbe takes his temperature, it has dropped a bit. He hesitates but wakes him up anyway to give him his medication.

"Sander, I'm sorry, you have to take this for your fever."

Sander shakes his head without opening his eyes and Robbe gently caresses his cheek.

"Please, babe, this will help you get better. Take this and you can go back to sleep."

Sander opens his eyes and smiles a little as he tries to sit down.

"What's wrong with me?"

Robbe gives him the pills and a glass of water with a shrug.

"Something is making you sick but we don't know what yet."

Sander nods his head and goes back to bed and frowns.

"My ear hurts."

Robbe gently strokes his cheek and Sander frowns even more.

"My ear really hurts. It feels as if"

Sander doesn't have time to finish his sentence, which he vomits.

"I'm sorry."

Robbe helps him to move, already folding the towel he had put on the bed in case it happens again.

"Don't worry, it's okay. It's nothing.''

Sander starts crying and Robbe pulls him up against him, gently caressing his back.

"Don't worry, I'm here. I will take care of you.''

Sander goes back to sleep against him and Robbe quickly cleans the towels and puts them in the washing machine. It is full because of the incredible number of times Sander has vomited, so he turns it on start.

Bowie barks at the front door and Robbe opens the door for him. That's all the poor have been doing walking since this morning: going to the little yard in front of their house. But Robbe doesn't feel able to leave the apartment and leave Sander alone, even for ten minutes.

He looks at Sander out of the corner of his eye while waiting for Bowie to come back. When he comes home, Bowie looks at the bed and then goes to sit on the couch next to Iggy. Robbe puts two towels next to Sander and then sits on the floor next to the bed and gently strokes his burning cheek.

All night long he watches over Sander, manages to get him to take another pill that he doesn't vomit and the fever drops a little. And frankly, when he receives the SMS to let him know that the test result is available, at 10.40 am, he already knows that the result will be positive.

He blinks and rereads the result twice before calling the doctor again. He rereads it at least three more times while waiting for the secretary to put him directly in touch with the doctor.

"Hi, it's Robbe, you came yesterday for Sander Driesen. He had a fever all night, he had still 39° and he's not doing well at all but his Covid test is negative.

There is an irritated throat in the handset and Robbe looks at Sander lying on their bed. He's not really sleeping, but he's not awake either.

"Okay, I'll come back to see him before noon, I'll do a blood test. I don't send him to the hospital just so I don't overwhelm them, but I don't like it."

Robbe thanks him by hanging up. He doesn't like it either. Sander still has 39° 2 so he tries to really wake him up to give him medicine again, hoping he won't throw up.

"Sander, my love, he should"

Robbe puts his hand on his shoulder and Sander pushes him so violently that he falls to the ground.

"I'm sorry. Robbe?"

Robbe smiles softly.

"I'm fine, that"

Sander shakes his head, totally panicked.

"I can't hear. Why can't I hear? Damn it, Robbe, what's going on?"

Robbe stands up and places his hands on his cheeks, forcing him to place his forehead against his own.

"The doctor is coming."

"I can't hear you!" Sander yells.

Robbe puts his hand over his mouth and grabs his phone.

_The doctor arrives. Don't worry. You have to take medicine for the fever._

Sander nods his head and swallows the pills before hugging Robbe.

"I'm afraid."

Robbe hugs him a little tighter and keeps him close. Sander looks like a shiny radiator, and Robbe knows he should avoid holding it against him to keep him warm, but he can't bring himself to let go.

He always holds him like this when the doctor knocks on their door and Robbe gently lets him go, resting Sander, who's sleeping, on the bed.

"Hi, thank you very much for coming back. He says he can't hear anymore. Last night his ears hurt.''

The doctor nods, strokes Bowie, who's dragging between his legs, and then goes to examine Sander.

"Wow. His eardrums are ready to burst. I'm surprised it hasn't already happened. Okay, he has a double serous ear infection. Yesterday it was too early to see it. I'm going to write you a prescription for antibiotics . You give it to him right away, he should get better tomorrow. 48 hours maximum. If not, you call me back. Don't worry if his ears are leaking pus, it's normal. I prescribe him a few drops to put directly in his ear. Even if it's leaking, you put it in his ear. He has to stay 10 minutes on his side once you put 2 drops in his ear. Is this okay for you?"

Robbe nods his head while taking the prescription before paying the doctor.

"He didn't take his medication for his bipolar disorder, this morning, because he couldn't stop vomiting. Should I give it to him now?"

The doctor shakes his head, frowning.

"No, he is at risk of lithium overdose due to dehydration caused by fever and vomiting. don't give him anything until Friday, he should be fine so I'll leave you a prescription for him to have his blood lithium tested. I will send the results to his therapist so that he can see with him whether or not his dosage should be changed. Wait, does that mean you gave it to him yesterday?''

Robbe nods, lost.

''Yes. His usual dose, yesterday morning."

The doctor shakes his head as he puts his things away.

''You mustn't give him any if he has a fever. I thought you knew that. That's probably why he's vomiting. Okay, he has to have a blood test tomorrow. He should never take lithium if he has a fever."

Robbe puts his head down, feeling horrible.

''I didn't know.''

The doctor taps him gently on his shoulder and smiles softly at him.

''It's okay, you'll remember. Go get his medication and he will get better."

Robbe nods his head and thanks the doctor before going back to Sander.

"I have to go to the pharmacy, don't move, ok?"

Sander grunts without opening his eyes and Robbe kisses him on the forehead.

He hurries to the pharmacy before it closes at noon and takes advantage of the wait to send news to Sander's family. He doesn't dare to tell them that it's all his fault, that he almost poisoned Sander because he didn't remember that he shouldn't take his medication when he has a fever. Did Sander even tell him one day, frankly he is not sur, but they have been together for more than a year, he should have known.

So when he come home, he has Sander's medication in his hands and guilt all over his body.


	49. I hate being sick.

_Thursday, February 18 4:40 pm_

"You not sleeping?"

Robbe shakes his head, gently caressing Sander's cheek with a smile.

"How are you?"

Sander groans as he stretches and frowns but smiles tenderly as he looks at him.

"Bof. I feel like I have a hangover. I hate being sick. But why you don't sleep. You should sleep."

Robbe shakes his head as he snuggles up against him.

"You scared me so much. I'm so sorry."

Robbe smothers a sob against Sander's shoulder and Sander strokes his hair.

"Sleep with me, baby. We're fine. You have to sleep.''

"I almost did."

"Shhh...sleep with me. We'll talk tomorrow. Go to sleep."

Robbe tries to stand up but Sander holds him tight.

"Sleep with me."

Robbe sighs and huddles up against Sander, trying to fight not to fall asleep, but he ends up closing his eyes.

He wakes up with a start, but Sander catches him immediately.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay."

Robbe touches his forehead and Sander smiles.

"It's all right. I feel better.''

Robbe frowns as he looks at his ear and straightens up to grab tissues.

"No it's not okay, your ear is dripping pus. Show the other one."

Sander turns his head, revealing the second ear which is in the same condition as the first and Robbe tries to clean it but Sander stops him.

"I'll do it. Do you think that's normal?"

Robbe nods and helps him to sit down.

"The doctor said yes. You have to go for a blood test this morning. I screwed up, I'm sorry. It's my fault you were so sick.''

Robbe puts his head down, still feeling bad for making his condition worse, and Sander takes his hands in his hands, putting their foreheads together.

"What are you talking about? I've always found it very hard to bear the fever. I should have warned you that I was only becoming like as the exorcist's girl."

Robbe shakes his head.

"The doctor said you shouldn't take your medication when you've fever and I gave it to you. I made you worse, I'm so sorry."

Robbe tries to step back but Sander puts his hands on his cheeks.

"Never apologize for taking care of me. I know that you gave it to me because you wanted to prevent me from having an episode, and that was to prevent me from feeling bad, not just to have a quiet life. You're the best person I know and I'm sure you spent all your time taking care of me. All I remember is that the doctor came in and broke my nose with his test. Thank you for bringing the doctor in.''

Robbe sighs as he puts his head on his shoulder.

"He came twice. The first time he didn't find anything so he gave you the test, but it was negative so he came back and in fact you have a double serous otitis. But he said I shouldn't have given you your treatment while you had a fever and that's probably why you threw up so much. And now you need to have your blood drawn and your dosage revised. I'm so sorry.''

Sander gently strokes his back before putting a delicate kiss on his neck.

"Hey, you were great. I'm sorry for being so difficult. A simple ear infection and my body is completely fucked up. I'm so sorry. You couldn't have known, baby, I should have told you all this.''

Robbed shrugs his shoulders and this is a step back so you can look at it.

''Maybe you did and I just forgot.''

Sander shakes his head and strokes his cheek.

''I don't think we've talked about this before. I sure told you I couldn't take an anti-inflammatory, and I'm sure you didn't give it to me even though my fever was high.''

Robbe nods to confirm. That's what he found most difficult when Sander's fever wasn't going down. If it was him, he could have alternated the two drugs to bring the fever down faster, but Sander is not allowed to take them.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault I should have told you. I didn't think you should handle everything like that. It's really been a long time since I've been this sick.''

Sander strokes his cheek and hugs him.

"Well, you've passed the ultimate test: taking care to Sander sick. I wasn't too horrible? I'm really sorry for"

Robbe puts his index finger on his mouth and smiles.

"It's okay. The first day you were rather lost and angry, and you fainted twice, but afterwards you mostly slept and threw up.''

Sander moans and Robbe strokes his back.

"That's good, at least you didn't throw up on your boyfriend because you were drunk.''

Sander giggles and Robbe smiles.

"You've mistaken me for your mother too."

Sander moans again before looking at him.

"Did he? I'm sorry. Didn't I say too much shit?"

Robbe smiles then shakes his head.

"You said you needed me."

Sander smiles and sits a little better.

"And that's absolutely true. Okay, I'm gonna go clean my gross ears and take a shower. Do I have to fast for the blood test or not?''

Robbe grabs the papers but shrugs his shoulders.

"It's not marked. Want me to call and ask? I'm so sorry for that."

Sander nods and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, call, please. Hey, don't worry, you were perfect, okay? It's not your fault. And if...''

Sander stops, seeming ashamed of something and Robbe comes and crouches down in front of him, putting his hands on his knees.

"If what?"

Sander sighs and looks away.

"I was really tired on Monday, and I was afraid this was an episode to happen. Since I didn't want to ruin our vacation, I doubled my treatment. I shouldn't have done it without asking my therapist. If I hadn't done this, I surely wouldn't have been so sick, so it's not your fault. I'm sorry.''

Sander sighs and Robbe strokes his arm.

"That's okay, you'll remember.''

Sander sighs and bends over to cuddle him.

"Sorry, that was a stupid thing to do. I should have told you.''

Robbe gets up and gently pulls his hand so that Sander follows him.

"Come on, someone mentioned a shower, it will do you good. I'll call the laboratory in the meantime.''

Sander shakes his head and shakes his hand a little harder.

"Can you come with me?"

Robbe nods with a smile.

"Of course. Come along."

He undresses both of them and adjusts the water, before snuggling up to him. He holds him tight, under the jet of hot water, gently running his hands through his hair to wet it.

"It's going to get better now."

Sander puts his head on his shoulder with a light sigh.

"It's always get better in your arms.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, if you noticed, this fic has only one chapter left ... and after that I would have a little surprise with a last part to this whole story


	50. It's the end.

_Sunday, 21 February, 3:15 pm_

"I think we can say it's the end, now''

Robbe turns his head slightly so that he can look at Sander lying on the bed next to him. They only touches with theirs fingers playing with each other.

"Yeah."

Sander sighs as he rolls over to the side so he can caress Robbe's chest.

"I really didn't think it would be like this. I'm really sorry I ruined our vacation."

Robbe turns while getting closer so he can snuggle up against him, immediately tying their legs together.

"You didn't ruin anything. I'll point out that it wasn't really a vacation for you, since you were sick almost every day.''

Sander sighs and rubs their noses together.

"Sorry about that. I'm sure it was the worst vacation of your life."

Robbe laughs as he shakes his head.

"Ohla no. You've got it all wrong. One times, my father decided that we would both go away for a week to strengthen our father-son bond. We had been there for two hours when there was a problem at his office and he spent the week off working on his computer. We were in a cabin in the woods and I didn't even have my own computer or phone yet. I've never been so bored on your vacation. Wait a minute, maybe the time my parents sent me on vacation to my grandfather's farm was worse, I had to get up at 5 a.m. to help him milk the cows, and he kept saying I was just a city boy who didn't know anything about the country. No frankly, even a sick Sander is not worse than Papy Ijzermans."

Sander laughs and Robbe kisses him gently, tenderly, not wanting to tire him out because Sander is still not in great shape.

"Kiss me really Robbe. I'm fine.''

Robbe steps back and hugs him, putting his head in the hollow of his neck.

"You fainted again yesterday. You need to rest."

Sander sighs and holds his chin with a smile.

"We knew this could happen, I just need to get my treatment adjusted properly, but I'm fine. Give me a real kiss, baby."

Robbe kisses him, deepens the kiss a little more, sliding his hands through his hair.

"I love you.''

Sander sighs and Robbe steps back to look at him.

"Nice. Sighing after an "I love you" is even worse than saying _thanks._ "

Sander smiles and strokes his cheek.

''Sorry. I know you love me, and I love you too. That's why I would like to give you something better than a horrible vacation to take care of me. I feel like I'm too much.''

Robbe puts his hand on his and shakes his head.

"But no. You were sick, it happens. It could have happened to me too."

Sander sighs and looks up to the sky.

"You wouldn't have screwed up completely because of a simple ear infection. Look at me, I put you through hell just because I had an ear infection. And now I have to readjust all my treatment because I messed around with it, and I'll probably be screwing up in a few weeks because of it. I don't like forcing this on you.''

Sander lets out a big sigh that hurts to hear and Robbe sighs in turn.

"Good. So what do you want? That we split up? Let's pack up again and let's each go home to our parents?''

Sander widens his eyes and moves back slightly, his face showing all his anxiety and Robbe smiles tenderly at him.

"Because I don't want to. These moments are just stones in our road, but we have a beautiful road to travel together, and I won't let go of your hand even if it takes me down the precipice''.

Sander sighs.

"That's what scares me."

Robbe shrugs his shoulders and smiles before caressing his cheek.

"You would do exactly the same thing with me. You would throw yourself into the precipice first to break my fall.''

Sander laughs and Robbe lies down on top of him.

"Oh but look, there's no precipice here. In the worst case we can fall out of bed but you wouldn't even hurt yourself.''

Sander laughs while gently caressing the back of his head.

"You could.''

Robbe laughs and nods.

''It's true. So when we leave for our first vacation, we won't forget to bring a great first-aid kit to cure all the sores your clumsy boyfriend will get. No matter what we go, I'm sure you'll end up playing nurse.''

Sander loses his smile and gently caresses his back.

"Because you still want us to go on a trip?"

Robbe nods with a smile.

"Of course I do. Once this whole pandemic thing is over, we'll organize a great trip and do our first flight at the same time."

Sander gently pushes him back to sit down and Robbe finds himself sitting across from him.

"What if I fuck up like that on vacation? Imagine if we leave and I get sick or have an episode in another country?"

Robbe smiles and pretends to be surprised.

"What? Your bipolar disorder doesn't take a vacation? You can't say, "Don't come now I've gone on vacation, come back when I'm home?". Oh shit, if I knew I wouldn't have signed up for this.''

Sander laughs and takes his hand to kiss on the top.

"I'll remind you that you didn't sign at all, idiot.''

Robbe smiles as he puts his hand on the back of his neck, caressing the back of his neck with his thumb.

"It's just an administrative detail, I've already signed with my heart and you know it. It won't stop us from going on vacation, it won't stop us from getting married or having children. I don't want you to put up a barrier because of that. Yes, you're bipolar, and yes you become the exorcist's daughter when you're sick, but it won't stop me from loving you and it won't stop us from being happy.''

Sander throws himself against him and Robbe hugs him tightly.

"We'll manage our life minute by minute, okay? And I promise we'll be fine.''

They kiss softly, and Robbe smiles in the kiss. They don't need words to tell them that this kiss means "You and Me.100%, in every universe.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to everyone who read this fic, as well as those who took the time to comment, and even give me ideas. I think I got the tour of what could happen to them during the lockdown and now I want to write the post, and travel ... so I hope to meet you soon and that my new fic will like you too.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see moments together, don't hesitate, I love your suggestions.


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